Adz91 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Hi Everyone!! Im fairly new here, been reading some of the forum topics and discussions and thought its about time i made an account. Im in a little bit of an issue. I met this girl online a few years ago. We really hit it off and weve been talking since. We talk everyday from morning to evening. Shes always been there for me when i needed someone to talk to and ive always been there for her. Shes Asexual and im completely okay with that. Past two weeks however ive started to develop feelings for her, I havent told her as im scared it would ruin whatever relationship we currently have. I guess shes become more flirty recently, were both fairly open with one another and we talk about everything whether thats sex or everything else. A week ago she randomly, mid conversation, asked me if ive ever been in love or if im looking for someone. I just took that as general conversation and gave her my answers. Then a few days ago, as i said were VERY open with one another, she randomly told me it was her time of the month, she got all romantic sending love lyrics, so i would send some back, randomly asking if id marry her in a few years asking for real kisses instead of emoji ones. I just put that all down to her hormones. She also has social anxiety which makes it difficult for her to go out or talk to people on the phone but last week she said she really wants to talk to me on the phone but got nervous last minute, she promised she will next time, but i wont push her, shell do that when shes ready. So yeah, im in a little bit of a situation, maybe im reading into it too much. It could just be that shes overly friendly or shes just like that with everyone. Im not really sure what to do, i guess i could take it one day at at time. Just wanted to ge this off of my chest. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Why not ask her if she is trying to initiate something more romantic or not ? My spouse and I started as friends and we flirted playing, but I checked in every so often to make sure it was still just play cause I had people transition from play flirting to serious without me realizing before. And... one day neither of us wanted it to be just play anymore. But, you wont ever know how she feels unless you ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Muir Caileag Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Yeah, I definitely think it's best to ask Just find out what's happening, and either way it goes you're in the know. Which is totally better than not being in the know. Link to post Share on other sites
Adz91 Posted December 22, 2018 Author Share Posted December 22, 2018 9 minutes ago, Serran said: Why not ask her if she is trying to initiate something more romantic or not ? My spouse and I started as friends and we flirted playing, but I checked in every so often to make sure it was still just play cause I had people transition from play flirting to serious without me realizing before. And... one day neither of us wanted it to be just play anymore. But, you wont ever know how she feels unless you ask. Thing is i wouldnt know how to start that kind of conversation. Imagine i ask that and she says no but wants to know why i asked? id have to tell her how i feel and that could make things awkward/push her away Link to post Share on other sites
Adz91 Posted December 22, 2018 Author Share Posted December 22, 2018 1 minute ago, Muir Caileag said: Yeah, I definitely think it's best to ask Just find out what's happening, and either way it goes you're in the know. Which is totally better than not being in the know. yh again im just afraid of losing her or things getting awkard because she means so much to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 3 minutes ago, Adz91 said: Thing is i wouldnt know how to start that kind of conversation. Imagine i ask that and she says no but wants to know why i asked? id have to tell her how i feel and that could make things awkward/push her away "I noticed a bit more flirtation in your messages the other day. I was wondering if that meant anything or was just playing ? " "Just playing, why?" "Just wanted to check we are still on the same page, thats all. It can be hard to judge intentions through text" Link to post Share on other sites
Adz91 Posted December 22, 2018 Author Share Posted December 22, 2018 12 minutes ago, Serran said: "I noticed a bit more flirtation in your messages the other day. I was wondering if that meant anything or was just playing ? " "Just playing, why?" "Just wanted to check we are still on the same page, thats all. It can be hard to judge intentions through text" I could try that but and I know it sounds silly but im scared... i overtink too much. Deep down part of me thinks its pointless to even try.. another part has hope. could it not just be that shes overly friendly? Link to post Share on other sites
GoneForGood Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 7 minutes ago, Adz91 said: I could try that but and I know it sounds silly but im scared... i overtink too much. Deep down part of me thinks its pointless to even try.. another part has hope. could it not just be that shes overly friendly? You will never know if you don't ask If asking for clear communication drives her off then she wasn't worth it Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 10 minutes ago, Adz91 said: I could try that but and I know it sounds silly but im scared... i overtink too much. Deep down part of me thinks its pointless to even try.. another part has hope. could it not just be that shes overly friendly? I mean it could be.. but has she been overly friendly before ? Do you do any group chats where shes friendly that way with other people ? And you wont know til you ask. Asking her what the messages meant shouldnt drive her off. If it does, sounds like she isnt a very good person to have around cause you can too easily spook her out of your life by just asking a question.. never would be stable. Link to post Share on other sites
Adz91 Posted December 22, 2018 Author Share Posted December 22, 2018 10 minutes ago, MakeLoveNotWar said: You will never know if you don't ask If asking for clear communication drives her off then she wasn't worth it Oh yh if she disappears because i ask then that shows she wasnt worth it at all. 6 minutes ago, Serran said: I mean it could be.. but has she been overly friendly before ? Do you do any group chats where shes friendly that way with other people ? And you wont know til you ask. Asking her what the messages meant shouldnt drive her off. If it does, sounds like she isnt a very good person to have around cause you can too easily spook her out of your life by just asking a question.. never would be stable. The odd kiss emoji here and there is normal. The stuff from a few days ago where she was asking for real kisses or cuddles etc etc thats never been asked before.. the fact that she wants to talk to me on the phone despite her anxiety all of this is new. Were not in any group convos so it would be hard to judge that. Also the replying to lyrics thing throws me off, not sure if thats just a joke where shes playing along or she means what she says. This situation isnt helping with me depression either haha Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 There’s never anything wrong with saying “I’m pretty clueless sometimes. Did I miss it that you were flirting with me, or was I right thinking you were just goofing around?” That gives her plenty of outs in both directions if she needs one. Is part of why you’re afraid to ask that you’re hoping she *does* want to take things in a more romantic direction (since you mentioned recent feelings of your own) and you want to live in hope a little longer? Link to post Share on other sites
Adz91 Posted December 22, 2018 Author Share Posted December 22, 2018 35 minutes ago, ryn2 said: There’s never anything wrong with saying “I’m pretty clueless sometimes. Did I miss it that you were flirting with me, or was I right thinking you were just goofing around?” That gives her plenty of outs in both directions if she needs one. Is part of why you’re afraid to ask that you’re hoping she *does* want to take things in a more romantic direction (since you mentioned recent feelings of your own) and you want to live in hope a little longer? ah yeah i can try something like that when i speak to her tonight, though i would need to wait for a time where i believe shes flirting with me. Im afraid to ask incase it makes things awkward or she stops talking to me or things just get weird between us. IF, by chance, she did want to try it would mean a lot of hard work on both our parts especially due to her social anxiety. that being said i would do anything to make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
Adz91 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 So for those who have been following I have a small update. Turns out she's not into relationships in general and not looking at all. So I'm slightly confused due to all the flirting etc but maybe I was overthinking the situation. Time to move on I guess. Will be hard but its doable. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 The love lyrics and talking about marriage and kisses is legitimately confusing behavior on the part of someone who is not looking for a relationship at all, but at least now you have a clear answer. It's fine to remain friends with this person, but if you have been talking every day from morning to evening I'll bet you've been missing out on the opportunity to meet other people who are looking for relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Adz91 Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 26 minutes ago, nanogretchen4 said: The love lyrics and talking about marriage and kisses is legitimately confusing behavior on the part of someone who is not looking for a relationship at all, but at least now you have a clear answer. It's fine to remain friends with this person, but if you have been talking every day from morning to evening I'll bet you've been missing out on the opportunity to meet other people who are looking for relationships. Yeah quite confusing but, as you said, atleast i have a clear answer now. I didnt literally mean morning to evening haha but we do talk quite a bit. But yeah at least it gives me the opportunity to now meet more people ... though i am quite shy 🙈 Link to post Share on other sites
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