Best way to kill libido?

[ryn2]

3 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

 

If the OP does end up looking for another relationship, she will actually be much better off if she knows and accepts her needs and refuses to settle for a relationship that won't meet them.

 

Agreed, this is true as well.  The two things are not mutually exclusive.  Only the OP knows whether or not they’ve done this already, though.

[nanogretchen4]

Okay, well I still believe that a person who has your best interests at heart does not advise chemical castration. I also believe that being frustrated in a mixed orientation relationship is totally normal. Most sexuals in such relationships are very frustrated. So if people are trying to convince you that these totally normal feelings are because you are not enlightened enough or whatever, I hope you won't drink the Kool Aid. It is not your partner I am accusing of trying to brainwash you. As far as I can tell, your partner is a nice, honest person. If after accepting that your needs are valid and important and acknowledging that the sexual incompatibility is not going away you think on balance staying is your best choice, great. But if you get desperate  enough to consider damaging yourself to accommodate your relationship it will be time to leave.

[ryn2]

On 12/22/2018 at 4:15 AM, Small Horse said:

You might have to turn to an anaphrodisiac because that's how sex predators and those with harmful paraphilias are treated to kill their libido, aka chemical castration. I was on an SSRI for awhile for anxiety and I nearly had zero drive as a side effect. When it comes to natural hormonal urges, you just have to ignore it, deal with it, or treat it with medication.

This is hardly someone suggesting chemical castration.  The poster just says (truthfully) that [based on what the OP asked to do, which is return to the libido-free state they were in previously] the options are ignoring, dealing, or medicating.

 

Dealing with it - accepting that you can’t go back - is everything from masturbating to a new partner.

 

Other posters who had different results with medication advised against it.

 

How is any of that brainwashing?   People accepted that the OP is a competent adult and advised accordingly.

 

Your advice is different, @nanogretchen4.  That’s fine too.  It doesn’t mean the other posters had bad intentions or were not making suggestions in line with the OP’s best interest.  Only the OP knows what that might be.

[Kyriee]

2 minutes ago, nanogretchen4 said:

Okay, well I still believe that a person who has your best interests at heart does not advise chemical castration. I also believe that being frustrated in a mixed orientation relationship is totally normal. Most sexuals in such relationships are very frustrated. So if people are trying to convince you that these totally normal feelings are because you are not enlightened enough or whatever, I hope you won't drink the Kool Aid. It is not your partner I am accusing of trying to brainwash you. As far as I can tell, your partner is a nice, honest person. If after accepting that your needs are valid and important and acknowledging that the sexual incompatibility is not going away you think on balance staying is your best choice, great. But if you get desperate  enough to consider damaging yourself to accommodate your relationship it will be time to leave.

 

My partner would never in a million years suggest I change myself to accommodate their libido.  And goddess knows they've tried the whole "I'm not really into this but I know you are" thing a couple of times, and once I figured that out, I put the kibosh on it - I don't want them feeling like they have to do something they're not into just to placate me or whatever, or that there is something wrong with them.  They have had other partners who did not accept them for who they are (ie pushed for sex etc) and that is wrong on so many levels, and disrespectful to them and to the relationship. I don't want things like that. They are such a beautiful soul and an amazing person, they are wonderful just the way they are, asexuality and all.

 

TBH, I don't think getting rid of my libido is "damaging myself" either - I lived MANY years without one, and it didn't bother me in the least.
Heck, it may just be a result of hitting my 40's and being with a younger person, who knows?  It may keel over on its own in a few years. 

 

 

 

[Small Horse]

30 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

This is hardly someone suggesting chemical castration.  The poster just says (truthfully) that [based on what the OP asked to do, which is return to the libido-free state they were ib previously] the options are ignoring, dealing, or medicating.

I suggested treating with medication, but it really should be a LAST RESORT. Like if it is causing you misery because you're hypersexual or you are in danger of doing something illegal like rape. I don't think somebody should kill their libido if it is not dangerous because it's a natural thing your body does, but if it is a problem I believe therapy should be the first option. If you're hypersexual and it's causing distress, a therapist could offer advice how to channel that sexual energy into more productive means, or maybe they might suggest a psychiatrist/doctor to prescribe medication if there is no other possible solution.

[nanogretchen4]

Some women actually do have a libido surge for a few years before the other signs of menopause kick in. Maybe you can wait it out. Then again many postmenopausal women still have a desire for sex with their partners. But the chemical castration drugs bring on early menopause with a lot of very unpleasant side effects and some dangerous ones, so that would definitely be damaging yourself. Your libido is normal so trying to get rid of it involves trying to get your body and brain to stop functioning normally. The thing that stopped your libido before was abuse, and the thing that restored it was healing. 

 

That said, if your libido is a nuisance and you don't like any of the ways of satisfying it, I think your best approach would be acceptance. For example, meditation might help you to observe your libido with a degree of detachment.