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Best way to kill libido?


Kyriee

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Apologies if this is really long and rambling, sometimes it's difficult to put thoughts into words.

 

I can accept my beloved as they are. There is NOTHING wrong with them, they're just wired differently, as it were.

I'd just like things to be less stressful for us as a couple, and that (to me) means altering my libido to match theirs.

 

I'm a ciswoman in my 40's, married to a gender-queer AMAB person who's younger than me.  Warned me on day 1 they had a low libido and I said ok, no problem (I had no libido due to an abusive ex).
In the beginning of our relationship, we were good - my libido woke up big time, and we had sex probably once a week.  That was just fine with me.

But over time, it's dwindled, and now we are quickly approaching a year since we last had sex, and it's driving me insane.


I am a VERY firm believer in not wanting someone to have sex with me to placate me etc - if they are not into it, I don't want them doing it.

They battle depression and are in therapy for it, but have also recognized they may be asexual (I've suspected that for years).
 

We have a great relationship, which is why I have not considered parting ways - it's been 6 years now and I can say with absolute honesty and certainty that this is the best, healthiest relationship I've ever had.
But it's difficult for me to focus on the fact that my partner doesn't want me that way...
It makes me feel like maybe I'm just some ugly, fat, frumpy old woman (which is what my ex called me on his way out the door to move in with a blonde half his age).

It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, even though logically I know that is not the case.

 

A few quirks that make it harder to deal with:

they're polyamorous, though they haven't dated anyone since we moved in together (it's been just us).  They said in the beginning, their drive is higher (which makes sense, with NRE and such), but it would absolutely break my heart for them to date others, have sex with them, and I'm sitting at home celbate and hating it. (which may be one reason they have not dated).

If I were the poly one, this would all be a non-issue, but I am not, so there you have it.

 

So, long story short, my libido needs to keel over.

Has anyone found ways to get rid of their libido?  Like entirely?

I don't want to take medications I don't need if I can help it (though I am aware some medications can kill or at least lessen libido).

 

Due to trauma in my childhood, masturbation is not an option, so I'm literally stuck here wondering how long before my girlybits turn into dust.

 

 

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You might have to turn to an anaphrodisiac because that's how sex predators and those with harmful paraphilias are treated to kill their libido, aka chemical castration. I was on an SSRI for awhile for anxiety and I nearly had zero drive as a side effect. When it comes to natural hormonal urges, you just have to ignore it, deal with it, or treat it with medication.

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It makes me feel like maybe I'm just some ugly, fat, frumpy old woman (which is what my ex called me on his way out the door to move in with a blonde half his age).
[...]
Due to trauma in my childhood,

Sounds like these are the real problems here, not your libido.  You have a lot better chance of doing something about the former.

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I experienced the same as Small Horse when on antidepressants (Sertraline) and it was soooo welcome to have my libido drop right down. I'm not sure if it's advisable to go on them for that reason alone but I suppose you could ask a doctor for their advice if meds seemed to be the only answer.

 

You can try to turn to hobbies and interests to get busy with to distract you but it's hard to overpower those hormones.

 

I do think that Philip is right though because it sounds like there are some issues you could do with working through yourself.

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Just so you know, medications do not kill the libido for everyone. I am a sex averse asexual who has had a high libido most of her life. I have been on many different psych meds and even did things with hormones and none helped me for that (actually the psych meds never helped me at all).

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3 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Sounds like these are the real problems here, not your libido.  You have a lot better chance of doing something about the former.

I'm sure the previous relationship and childhood issues feed into it, but discovering your partner never wants to have sex with you would be a big hit to any sexual person's feelings about whether or not they were attractive, rational or not.

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I forget who it was that said this and it's probably very loosely paraphrased, but basing your self-worth on how much an asexual person sexually desires you is like a chef basing their ability to cook a steak on how much a vegetarian/vegan wants to eat it.  You're unfairly setting yourself up for failure, there.

 

And yeah, that may not be a rational thing to do, but the abuse/trauma I'd say almost certainly plays into it.

 

I'm not sure this guy is necessarily asexual, but he did admit/warn from the start that he doesn't have much of a libido and the OP accepted this, so you can't really put the blame on him in this situation.

 

Also to respond to an earlier point, no, you shouldn't go on antidepressants solely to try to shut down your libido.  Regardless of however you may be able to get a doctor to actually prescribe them for you (I have no idea how easy this is because I've never exactly tried), you shouldn't fuck around with SSRIs in the first place.  They're not just trivial anti-libido poppers; they're serious drugs that can actually seriously mess with your internal chemistries, and should only be taken for their actual primary purpose (and under the watchful eye of a trusted doctor, at that).

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Everything is energy, and whats driving you insane, is not about not having sex, but those energies that sex affect in your body.

 

You need to find another way of treating these.

 

Lots of people do not have sex in there lifes, but they can handle what energy problems that causes in there body. You have to try and understand your body, if you want to live without sex, and handle those energy problems, not having sex brings, in many people.

 

Like i will give you an example, being lonely is an energy buildup in your body, and people wonder how some people can live without people. It shows they are either not building up that energy, that humans interpret as being lonely, or they can manipulate that energy, so its mostly gone, and with it the feeling of loneliness.

 

Most people do not understand that being lonely, is actually an energy buildup in your body. Your brain interprets it as being lonely, but its really just energy, that wants to dissipate.

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29 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

you shouldn't fuck around with SSRIs in the first place.  They're not just trivial anti-libido poppers; they're serious drugs that can actually seriously mess with your internal chemistries, and should only be taken for their actual primary purpose (and under the watchful eye of a trusted doctor, at that).

I would say even more: that concerns of people who are depressed but don't want to treat it pharmacogically should be respected. And I've seen people pretty much attack those who have depression but don't want to use antidepressants.

I generally disagree with the whole "neurologisation of depression" - which means: I believe that in the clear majority of cases, depression has a reason. You can't put people in bad social and interpersonal conditions and expect them not to be depressed.

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30 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

Also to respond to an earlier point, no, you shouldn't go on antidepressants solely to try to shut down your libido.  Regardless of however you may be able to get a doctor to actually prescribe them for you (I have no idea how easy this is because I've never exactly tried), you shouldn't fuck around with SSRIs in the first place.  They're not just trivial anti-libido poppers; they're serious drugs that can actually seriously mess with your internal chemistries, and should only be taken for their actual primary purpose (and under the watchful eye of a trusted doctor, at that).

I second that.

 

But to be honest, I'm really baffled - I don't really understand why anyone would want to kill their libido. There's a reason why I avoid SSRIs like the plague.

I personally wouldn't recommend anyone to take them unless they insist on their right to feel like a zombie. It may help in times of severe crisis, but only as an interim solution imho.

 

9 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I would say even more: that concerns of people who are depressed but don't want to treat it pharmacogically should be respected. And I've seen people pretty much attack those who have depression but don't want to use antidepressants.

I generally disagree with the whole "neurologisation of depression" - which means: I believe that in the clear majority of cases, depression has a reason. You can't put people in bad social and interpersonal conditions and expect them not to be depressed.

My thoughts exactly.

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5 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I would say even more: that concerns of people who are depressed but don't want to treat it pharmacogically should be respected. And I've seen people pretty much attack those who have depression but don't want to use antidepressants.

I generally disagree with the whole "neurologisation of depression" - which means: I believe that in the clear majority of cases, depression has a reason. You can't put people in bad social and interpersonal conditions and expect them not to be depressed.

I agree, largely, but if you decide it's almost never down to neurochemical imbalance, you lose the ability to treat those situations where it is. I haven't googled the figures, but I'm pretty sure chemical imbalances are a significant enough proportion that the possibility of depression not being situational should be considered as actively as assuming it is.

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I generally disagree with the whole "neurologisation of depression" - which means: I believe that in the clear majority of cases, depression has a reason. You can't put people in bad social and interpersonal conditions and expect them not to be depressed.

Speaking as someone who's been diagnosed with depression fairly recently but has been fighting it for over 15 years?

 

No, it doesn't always have a reason.  It quite often doesn't, actually, and that's a big part of what makes it such a maddening disease to its sufferers.

 

Sometimes, you just feel like shit.  Trying to come up with a reason for it typically gets you nowhere other than feeling frustrated at how you "shouldn't" feel like shit, yet you inexplicably do, so you end up feeling even more like shit (for being so stupid that you couldn't even figure out how your own emotions work).  Vicious cycle.  Depression feeds on itself.  Obviously people who are in bad living conditions may very well have reasons to feel depressed, but depression still happens even to people not in such conditions.  Depression doesn't discriminate.  (And tragically, it's those people that slip under the radar most easily, because nobody else will even fathom that these people could possibly be depressed when they seemingly have it so good in life otherwise.  They might even have trouble themselves understanding how they could possibly feel depressed for that same reason, which as mentioned above, tends to just worsen things.)

 

Kinda digressing from the topic, though.

 

Quote

But to be honest, I'm really baffled - I don't really understand why anyone would want to kill their libido.

What's difficult to understand?  Some people either feel tormented by it, or are placed into situations like the OP where it is made to feel like a torment.

 

Not everyone has to like their libido, or to like being sexual.  I've had a number of sexual people who, upon learning that I was asexual, express how lucky they thought I was and that they wished they could be the same way, often due to some poor choices or lapses in judgment that they made as a result of their sexual nature (their words, not mine).  There's surely other sexuals who would not feel the same way about me, or even look down upon me for it.  Everyone's got a different take.

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17 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I would say even more: that concerns of people who are depressed but don't want to treat it pharmacogically should be respected. And I've seen people pretty much attack those who have depression but don't want to use antidepressants.

I generally disagree with the whole "neurologisation of depression" - which means: I believe that in the clear majority of cases, depression has a reason. You can't put people in bad social and interpersonal conditions and expect them not to be depressed.

Thank you for this. 20 years of drugs never helped and often harmed me but only when I decided to not allow people to abuse me anymore did anything get better.

 

13 minutes ago, kiaroskuro said:

But to be honest, I'm really baffled - I don't really understand why anyone would want to kill their libido.

The idea of having sex with someone seriously bothers me, I have tried it and it is never worth the emotional cost. Yet my body keeps telling me that it wants it.

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I think OP should see a doctor and also a therapist, because being on an SSRI actually gave me PMDD and depression and increased sleepinesss which is why I went off of it, and for another person I know it gave them digestive problems and increased sleepiness. Taking it just to lower your libido may just cause other problems, but seeing a therapist would be highly advisable to talk about why having a libido is such a problem in the first place.

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I have nothing useful to add to the libido discussion, except that it is possible to work through and move past childhood trauma that prevents masturbation, but I wanted to tell OP this:  I’m glad you were able to get away from an ex who treated you so disrespectfully.

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6 hours ago, MakeLoveNotWar said:

The idea of having sex with someone seriously bothers me, I have tried it and it is never worth the emotional cost. Yet my body keeps telling me that it wants it.

I consider having a libido and wanting partnered sex as two separate things - even though I recognise that it can be conflicting.

 

For the longest time I thought that my being ace and gray-ro was the natural state of things and that I was 'happy' with it. Only recently I started suspecting that there might be a close link between my asexuality (and general disinterest in most people) and my depression. That was when I realised I might be demi-something or other, and that a low or non-existent libido actually makes me more depressed.

 

And that's why I have a hard time understanding people (ace or allo) who would want to get rid of it. It's just that I can't relate to what the OP is experiencing, but then again, I can't relate to many people around here. But that's ok. 

 

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6 hours ago, Philip027 said:

I forget who it was that said this and it's probably very loosely paraphrased, but basing your self-worth on how much an asexual person sexually desires you is like a chef basing their ability to cook a steak on how much a vegetarian/vegan wants to eat it.  You're unfairly setting yourself up for failure, there.

 

And yeah, that may not be a rational thing to do, but the abuse/trauma I'd say almost certainly plays into it.

 

I'm not sure this guy is necessarily asexual, but he did admit/warn from the start that he doesn't have much of a libido and the OP accepted this, so you can't really put the blame on him in this situation.

 

Also to respond to an earlier point, no, you shouldn't go on antidepressants solely to try to shut down your libido.  Regardless of however you may be able to get a doctor to actually prescribe them for you (I have no idea how easy this is because I've never exactly tried), you shouldn't fuck around with SSRIs in the first place.  They're not just trivial anti-libido poppers; they're serious drugs that can actually seriously mess with your internal chemistries, and should only be taken for their actual primary purpose (and under the watchful eye of a trusted doctor, at that).

My partner is not a "he", just as a side note - they're a "they" :)

My worth is in no way shape or form tied to whether or not they want me in a sexual manner - it's just not helpful for the situation (but that's a me thing, not a them thing), as, unlike them, I am sexual.
I would never and have never blamed them for it - that would be awful.  It's who they are.
No blame is attached, only a desire for solutions.

 

I do actually have depression (as well as an anxiety disorder and CPTSD), but as mentioned in my OP, I'd rather avoid medications I don't need (because I'm well aware of their unpredictability and side effects).

 

6 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Speaking as someone who's been diagnosed with depression fairly recently but has been fighting it for over 15 years?

 

No, it doesn't always have a reason.  It quite often doesn't, actually, and that's a big part of what makes it such a maddening disease to its sufferers.

 

Sometimes, you just feel like shit.  Trying to come up with a reason for it typically gets you nowhere other than feeling frustrated at how you "shouldn't" feel like shit, yet you inexplicably do, so you end up feeling even more like shit (for being so stupid that you couldn't even figure out how your own emotions work).  Vicious cycle.  Depression feeds on itself.  Obviously people who are in bad living conditions may very well have reasons to feel depressed, but depression still happens even to people not in such conditions.  Depression doesn't discriminate.  (And tragically, it's those people that slip under the radar most easily, because nobody else will even fathom that these people could possibly be depressed when they seemingly have it so good in life otherwise.  They might even have trouble themselves understanding how they could possibly feel depressed for that same reason, which as mentioned above, tends to just worsen things.)

 

Kinda digressing from the topic, though.

 

What's difficult to understand?  Some people either feel tormented by it, or are placed into situations like the OP where it is made to feel like a torment.

 

Not everyone has to like their libido, or to like being sexual.  I've had a number of sexual people who, upon learning that I was asexual, express how lucky they thought I was and that they wished they could be the same way, often due to some poor choices or lapses in judgment that they made as a result of their sexual nature (their words, not mine).  There's surely other sexuals who would not feel the same way about me, or even look down upon me for it.  Everyone's got a different take.

Indeed; my depression was worse while with my ex, but it's been there since I was young - it's just part of my brain chemistry, and something I've learned to live with.

 

I dunno that I'd say you were lucky (no offense); but I do strongly feel nuking my libido would make for a much less frustrating time for me.  Wanting my partner in that way but knowing they're just not wired to want the same thing is frustrating (but I accept them for who they are and don't seek to change them).

 

2 hours ago, Small Horse said:

I think OP should see a doctor and also a therapist, because being on an SSRI actually gave me PMDD and depression and increased sleepinesss which is why I went off of it, and for another person I know it gave them digestive problems and increased sleepiness. Taking it just to lower your libido may just cause other problems, but seeing a therapist would be highly advisable to talk about why having a libido is such a problem in the first place.

 

I did mention in my op I wanted to avoid medications - I would never take it just to lower my libido. That's not what they're there for.

 

As for why having a libido is a problem, a therapist isn't needed for that - it's simple - my libido creates frustration and (I'm fairly sure) stresses me and my beloved out.  I do my best never to push them towards sex, but they are aware of our imbalance in drives, and that it's frustrating for me, and I'm sure it stresses them out.
They don't deserve that - it feels, to me, like it's punishing them for being.. well... them...

 

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I still recommend seeing a therapist, because of your childhood trauma and the way you were abused by your previous partner. Maybe they can help you find a solution to be able to deal with your libido as well without medicine. It's obviously causing you distress for you and your partner, and there's nothing wrong with seeing a therapist to help.

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23 hours ago, Kyriee said:

Has anyone found ways to get rid of their libido?  Like entirely?

I tried. Very hard. As best as I could. To the upmost of my ability.. but had to give up the fight at the very end since I started to suffer from serious depression and physical issues. 

 

I went and talked to a doctors and they all told me the same:

 

You must not try or force to abandon your libido as an allosexual person. It's just not possible. You can keep it down or try to ignore it for a quite some time but you'll never be able to get completely rid of it entirely. It's not meant to be. So yeah, that's been pretty bad news for me.

 

I hope you can find a way out. 

Good luck!! 

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21 hours ago, MakeLoveNotWar said:

Just so you know, medications do not kill the libido for everyone. I am a sex averse asexual who has had a high libido most of her life. I have been on many different psych meds and even did things with hormones and none helped me for that (actually the psych meds never helped me at all).

Can confirm that from my onw experience (sex-repulsed ace, I'd rate my libido as... average, I guess).

 

SSRI dampened my libido a little bit, but nowhere near to the point of disappearing. (What it did do, however, was to make my capacity for romance pretty much disappear... and I used to be hair-trigger hyperromantic.)

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22 hours ago, Philip027 said:

basing your self-worth on how much an asexual person sexually desires you is like a chef basing their ability to cook a steak on how much a vegetarian/vegan wants to eat it

Well, rationally. But we (sexuals) aren't basing our self worth on whether an asexual person desires us; we're basing it on whether our partner desires us, which is a normative expectation in a relationship. Sadly for sexuals in a mixed relationship, the asexual and the partner are the same person.

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48 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

we're basing it on whether our partner desires us,

That’s not a great idea either, though, any more than basing your self-worth on your job, on people liking you/thinking you are good-looking, on your cooking skills or sports performance, or any other external thing.

 

Agreed that it’s difficult to address because it’s not rational, and that being in a relationship with someone who does not appreciate you for whatever external thing(s) you’ve unfortunately tied your self worth to is going to be painful.

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nanogretchen4

On the one hand, this seems to be one of the few mixed relationships where the asexual was honest and clear from the start, so props to the asexual partner for that. Unfortunately sexuals can rarely predict in advance how much a relationship with someone who doesn't desire them will mess with their heads. If a relationship doesn't work, it doesn't work. Trying to brainwash the sexual partner in a mixed relationship into thinking their sexual orientation is a character flaw just to facilitate a mixed relationship is not cool. It's so interesting that the first response in this thread suggested that the OP should get chemically castrated like a sex offender. I would have gone with, maybe this mixed relationship is toxic to you if you're considering harming yourself to adapt yourself to your partner.

 

Kyriee, please seek individual therapy from a qualified therapist. You need to talk to someone who has your health and well being as their top priority.

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30 minutes ago, nanogretchen4 said:

Trying to brainwash the sexual partner in a mixed relationship into thinking their sexual orientation is a character flaw just to facilitate a mixed relationship is not cool.

Agreed, except in this case the sexual partner is troubled by their libido (not because it’s a perceived character flaw, but because they aren’t able to masturbate and would prefer not to “inflict” the consequences upon their partner) and asking for assistance.

 

A few posters have done what they can to address the question; others have suggested that therapy to get at why options like masturbation aren’t workable - which is a problem between relationships, too, and in sexual/sexual relationships where one partner is hesitant to use (or be used by) the other as a masturbation substitute - might be generally helpful.

 

Where are you seeing attempts at brainwashing, or even disrepect/shaming?

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nanogretchen4

1. Suggesting CHEMICAL CASTRATION to a normal, innocent sexual person.

 

2. Multiple posters not having a serious enough problem with that to say anything about it.

 

3. Multiple posts suggesting that if the OP is distressed because her relationship isn't meeting her affectional needs, the problem is that she is basing her self esteem on how her partner feels about her are not entirely awesome. Why doesn't she deserve a relationship in which she is loved in all the ways she needs to be loved? 

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I guess I’m just reading through a different lens.

 

The first poster answered the question very literally without reading into it.

 

All the posters who advised against a pharmaceutical solution were... advising against a pharmaceutical solution.

 

People suggesting therapy were advocating addressing underlying trauma and self-esteem issues as ways to be more in control of one’s own happiness.  It’s never healthy to be overreliant on a partner to “cure” shortfalls in our own mental health.

 

Would OP perhaps be happier with another partner?  Sure, but they specifically said they weren’t considering parting ways.  Even if they do, OP will be better off going into subsequent relationships after working through the above issues.

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nanogretchen4

If the OP does end up looking for another relationship, she will actually be much better off if she knows and accepts her needs and refuses to settle for a relationship that won't meet them. I do think the OP has self esteem issues, but maybe the self esteem issues were the reason she was so quick to set aside her own needs for a mixed relationship, and also the reason she thinks she must maintain the relationship no matter the cost to herself. A therapist can help her work through her trauma and self esteem issues with the goal of increasing her health and happiness, not with the goal of convincing her the sexual incompatibility in her relationship shouldn't bother her.

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On ‎12‎/‎22‎/‎2018 at 8:23 AM, MakeLoveNotWar said:

Thank you for this. 20 years of drugs never helped and often harmed me but only when I decided to not allow people to abuse me anymore did anything get better.

 

The idea of having sex with someone seriously bothers me, I have tried it and it is never worth the emotional cost. Yet my body keeps telling me that it wants it.

Just out of curiosity, does your "body" tell you that you want sex; or does your body tell you that you want erotic pleasure? I have a libido. I get turned on by various erotic desires. I have had sex with women and found it to be way short of the all the hullabaloo that we hear about. In fact my desire for sex is a steady, constant zero. For the sake of completeness, I do fantasize about sucking guys, but I am fairly certain it is because it is on my bucket list, i.e., something that fascinates perhaps only because of never having experienced it.

My point here is that having a libido does not translate directly to wanting sex with other people, in my opinion. I too have found that having sex is never worth the price of admission.

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4 minutes ago, jay williams said:

Just out of curiosity, does your "body" tell you that you want sex; or does your body tell you that you want erotic pleasure? I have a libido. I get turned on by various erotic desires. I have had sex with women and found it to be way short of the all the hullabaloo that we hear about. In fact my desire for sex is a steady, constant zero. For the sake of completeness, I do fantasize about sucking guys, but I am fairly certain it is because it is on my bucket list, i.e., something that fascinates perhaps only because of never having experienced it.

My point here is that having a libido does not translate directly to wanting sex with other people, in my opinion. I too have found that having sex is never worth the price of admission.

OK that is fair. I guess what the body is saying is erotic pleasure but masturbation does not help the situation which then translates into it asking for sex. The sex helps the body to shut up but then there is all the other stuff to deal with and I decided a long time ago that it was not worth it.

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4 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

Trying to brainwash the sexual partner in a mixed relationship into thinking their sexual orientation is a character flaw just to facilitate a mixed relationship is not cool.  I would have gone with, maybe this mixed relationship is toxic to you if you're considering harming yourself to adapt yourself to your partner.

 

Kyriee, please seek individual therapy from a qualified therapist. You need to talk to someone who has your health and well being as their top priority.

1

 

I sincerely hope this isn't suggesting my partner is trying to brainwash me in any way.
Or that this is a toxic relationship - I KNOW what toxic relationships look like - I was in one for nearly 20 years.  This most assuredly is not one lol

I also had no libido when we first met, so Their low libido etc was not an issue.
Neither of us realized my lack of libido was due to the abuse I had suffered, and that it would come back with a vengeance (I did mention that in my OP) once I was in an actually healthy relationship.

My sexuality is not a character flaw - and neither is theirs...
And as it is *MY* body and I alone decide what to do with it, I am entitled to want to lessen or remove my libido if *I* want to.  No one is holding a gun to my head to do it.
 

 

2 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

If the OP does end up looking for another relationship, she will actually be much better off if she knows and accepts her needs and refuses to settle for a relationship that won't meet them. I do think the OP has self esteem issues, but maybe the self esteem issues were the reason she was so quick to set aside her own needs for a mixed relationship, and also the reason she thinks she must maintain the relationship no matter the cost to herself. A therapist can help her work through her trauma and self esteem issues with the goal of increasing her health and happiness, not with the goal of convincing her the sexual incompatibility in her relationship shouldn't bother her.

 

Yikes; some of y'all are reading a lot into this that isn't there (and that may be my fault for my lack of clarity at 3 in the morning when I wrote my OP)...

self-esteem has nothing to do with why I'm in this relationship.
I left a marriage of nearly 20 years with 2 kids to start over in another state. I don't *NEED* a relationship.
This one, however, is a very healthy, fulfilling one, other than my libido being a pain in the patooty. Which, as mentioned in my OP, was not planned, because in the beginning, I had no libido, and surprise! a healthy relationship made it wake back up.
 

There's no "settling" - I'm too old for that kind of nonsense.  I have no problems being alone, or starting over or whatever (in fact that's far easier now that my kids are grown up lol it's just me and the dog, now)

 

I think (for me)  it's silly to end an incredibly good, happy, healthy relationship just because I'm not getting laid as often as I'd like (especially when it's no fault of anyone - we can't help how we're wired), if that makes sense?

(Mind you, if another chooses to, good on them, it's just not how *I* operate)

 

 

 

 

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