I think i’ve just realised I’m asexual

[Park3764]

Just wondered if anyone has had a similar experience they would be willing to tell me about.

 

I’m a female in my forties, never been in a relationship or had any sexual contact with anyone.  I’m not attracted to either sex.  This has never bothered me and I’m happy on my own and could never see myself with a partner.

 

I was at a staff Christmas party over the weekend and a colleague of over 10 years asked me if I had a significant other, I said no and then they asked if I did would it be a male or female.  It’s not something I have ever thought about before so I said male.  She was shocked as she had always considered that I was gay even thought we have never talked about it before and i’ve never had a partner.

 

She apologised and was worried that she had offended me.  I said it didn’t matter.

 

However since then I can’t stop thinking about our conversation.  I don’t have anyone I would feel comfortable talking to about this and looking for some idea of other people’s experiences.  

 

I’m hoping as she’d had quite a bit of wine that she won’t remember what we talked about when I see her at work as I would find it too embarrassing to talk about again.

 

Thanks.

[alto]

Well, I know you are not seeking advice on orientation.  But you sound aro to me.  I think (but am not sure) aro people can still experience platonic attraction to either sex, or indeed any sex.

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

It sounds like you're an Aromantic Asexual.

In my case, I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[œddy]

Welcome , someone didn't really ask me a similar thing until I was in my mid 30s. It was only intended as a polite question from a psychologist but sent me on a path of discovery!

[Zo_E]

I’ve been accused of being gay several times throughout my life for various reasons, one being that I don’t ever date.  

 

Its always confused me because if i was if I was gay, I would be dating women, wouldn’t I?  How does not dating equate to gay?   Idk.  I’m a very open person and I don’t keep secrets and I’m usually very blunt with everyone about everything, so I’m just not the kind of person to be ashamed or to hide my truth at all, so it just seems so weird that they automatically think I’m gay because I don’t really talk about boys and they never see me dating anyone. 

 

I also got it when I was on dating sites, which I don’t use anymore because looking for friends on a dating site is so frustrating, but when I would try to explain to them that I didn’t want to have sex or date anyone, they’d say “are you gay?” And I’m like first of all wouldn’t my profile reflect that if I was? And second of all “i said I don’t want to have sex with ANYONE”.  

 

Im 36 now and since I was a teenager I’ve been accused of being a lesbian more times than I can count.  

 

 

 

 

****i do not mean to offend anyone by choosing the word “accused” I am not trying to sound like being gay is a crime or unfavorable, I don’t believe that at all, I just honestly don’t know of a better word, because it does feel like an accusation when it happens.****

[Park3764]

Hi, thanks for the welcome and your comments, just wanted to add it’s not the fact that my colleague thought I was gay that I can’t stop thinking about, i’d just never realised that I hadn’t been attracted to any male or female.  Didn’t want anyone to think I had a issue with people being gay.  I’ve decided that as i’m happy with how things are now, I don’t need to tell anyone I know, as i’m a very shy person and don’t like talking about myself.  It was a big step for me posting on here.  If something changes in the future  i’ll reconsider.

 

Thanks again