Am I "reverse-demisexual"?

[Idarak]

I'm not asexual because I do think about sex and have frequent sexual fantasies. But for the last several years I have been dwelling on romantic love a lot and how I feel I will never achieve it. To this end I frequently fantasise about romantic scenarios and none of them involve sex. Any of the girls in real life I've had crushes on I've never had any sexual desire for at all; in fact, the idea of having sex with someone I'm in love with or romantically involved with makes me nervous and somewhat repulsed.

 

Perhaps part of this is due to my hang-ups about sex? I'm a virgin and physically unsuited for sex, so maybe my feelings would change if I did it. But then I wouldn't want my first time to be meaningless, and would want it to be with someone special. But as I've just said I would be uncomfortable having sex with a romantic partner. I feel this would prevent be from ever being in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, considering I would be incredibly reluctant to have sex and wouldn't even feel a strong drive to considering I can masturbate.

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

The term is called fraysexual and refers to a person who always loses their sexual attraction to a person after developing an emotional bond. You could be that. 

 

Now if you’re just saying you don’t like the attachment when it comes to sex, that’s a preference and doesn’t describe your sexuality. It’s all about your actual experiences and whether you still have sexual attraction to people after becoming close with them.

 

Also in the beginning sentence, asexuality isn’t exactly what you think about and your fanatasies, it’s about whether you have had a feeling of desire towards a person to have sex with them or not

[everywhere and nowhere]

Why are you "physically unsuited for sex"? Not that I consider it impossible, I too feel similar things: how a lot of sexual positions would be completely impossible or dangerous for me, how people with a low level of physical fitness are often invisible in sex-related advice, how I just don't want my poor unhealthy body to go through such things as sex... And, first of all: there's so much talk about "hang-ups", it's so unacceptable, so embarasing to admit to being embarassed, if you don't like your naked body and don't want it to be seen by others, you are accused of "having problems with self-esteem"... And I disagree. In fact, I'm exercising self-respect by letting myself decide that I don't want to torture myself with trying to overcome my nudity aversion and sex aversion.

OK, that was my rant, now please tell more about your own situation. I'll respect it, I'm no label purist, believe that everyone, regardless of the labels they may use, should have a right not to have sex and not to desire sex, and I also greatly respect people who would only want their first time to be in a committed relationship.

[Just Somebody]

Have you ever heard of the fraysexuals or lith-/akoi(ne)-/apo-sexuals? 

[Idarak]

I have a bit, but the definition didn't seem to fit me exactly.

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

You say that you know you're not Asexual because you think about sex and have frequent sexual fantasies.
But an Asexual could still think about sex and have frequent sexual fantasies, but they don't experience Sexual Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
And you've said that you haven't desired sex with the girls you've crushed on.
Could it be that you're Asexual despite dismissing the possibility?

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[Idarak]

I don't know. I'd like to have sex but not with anyone I'm romantically interested in, and that romantic interest is more what I'm looking for in life. There are people in real life I find sexually attractive and wouldn't mind having sex with but I don't know if I've ever truly desired that. The idea of never having sex doesn't bother me because I don't feel any sort of need to do so, but then again since I'm not in a position to do so maybe that need never shows itself? I don't know.