Dysphoria With Opposite Sex

[Lucaloo]

When I was a kid (AFAB), I used to hate boys, to an unreasonable degree. I distinctly remember thinking that it was because I liked to act more “masculine” in conversation with girls, and that when I was around guys I couldn’t act masculine (bc gender roles) and I noticed my own femininity which made me uncomfortable. Is this a form of dysphoria? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

[Maya the Composer]

I've had very similar experiences in terms of feeling constrained to gender roles. I felt like an outsider because I couldn't fit completely in with guys or girls when it came to being masculine or feminine, so growing up, it was really tough for me to make friends that were not "weirded out" my lack of femininity (I'm not interested in shopping, clothes, makeup, romantic/sexual relationships, Chris Hemsworth...) Luckily, in my high school, it seems people are more tolerant, at least the people I hang out with (though I still feel that I can't be completely "myself"). 

 

I'd classify your experience as a form of dysphoria because you said that it made you uncomfortable, though I'm kind of new to the term "dysphoria" myself, so don't take my word for it. Whatever the correct term is though, it is important to feel comfortable with who you are, at least that is what I have learned in life and on this site.

 

Welcome, by the way! You seem relatively new here, so here is some cake.  

 

[kiaroskuro]

17 hours ago, Lucabean said:

When I was a kid (AFAB), I used to hate boys, to an unreasonable degree. I distinctly remember thinking that it was because I liked to act more “masculine” in conversation with girls, and that when I was around guys I couldn’t act masculine (bc gender roles) and I noticed my own femininity which made me uncomfortable. Is this a form of dysphoria? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Interesting, for me it's basically just the other way round. When I'm talking to very feminine women or girls I often experience severe social dysphoria. When talking to men I tend to feel more like myself, or like my 'ideal' self, the type of person I'd like to be.

 

Having said that, I don't feel like I'm acting more 'masculine' on these occasions, not at all. It's just that I'm less of a people pleaser when I'm with women who aren't stereotypically female (don't ask why, I don't really know) and I generally feel more at ease with men who aren't stereotypically male. 

It's hard to explain, and it's complicated.

 

But yes, what you experienced might have been some type of dysphoria. Do you still feel this way?

[luxurieux]

I feel very similarly, which has honestly been a huge obstacle for me admitting to myself who I am. I have never felt like myself around women but have always felt uncomfortable in groups of men. Coming to terms with my masculine identity has been really hard because I don't relate to men at all.. I never have and never will, I was never socialized to be like them and frankly I don't want to be or pretend to be. There's a huge part of me that's repulsed by masculinity and yet I still know that I lean more in that direction. 

 

I've been calling it dysphoria, but I'm not sure if it's something that would go away if I were to start passing and presenting as more masc. It's hard for me to erase 24 years of being hurt by masculinity enough to feel comfortable with men, while also trying to embrace it.