AroaceScriptette Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 I have been aroace for 4ish years but i still don't understand how QPR's actually work in real life and how they differ from romantic relationships. Like I haven't met another aromantic or even asexual person in like 2 years and I feel like if I was to be in a QPR with someone who is not aro and/or ace than I would be leading them on or messing with their feelings and it would be unfair! I also do not understand how a QPR differs from romantic relationships and friendships? Like, I understand they are kind of inbetween the two but i never understood truly what a romantic relationship and what the boundaries are for friendships? Does this make any sense? 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Friends are just another person in each other’s lives and are always trying to have fun with each other. Queerplatonic partners are sort of like best friends that share each other’s lives and live like a couple. They live together, they make decisions together, they fight battles together, and they compromise decisions for each other. Their relationship might include some romance and sexual actions, but they play a very small role in the relationship and aren’t necessary. Some queerplatonic partners might even have kids or adopt together. Romantic partners are all about the romance. Pleasing each other is huge in the relationship and is what sparks their happiness. They’re about the dates, showing each other off, being all cute together, and likely a lot of sensual actions like making out. Of course like the QPR, there’s the compromising, aiming to live together, fight battles together, etc. That’s all part of being a couple. Maybe I’m just stereotyping, but that’s how I see it Link to post Share on other sites
AroaceScriptette Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 7 minutes ago, Star Lion said: Queerplatonic partners are sort of like best friends that share each other’s lives and live like a couple. They live together, they make decisions together, they fight battles together, and they compromise decisions for each other. Their relationship might include some romance and sexual actions, but they play a very small role in the relationship and aren’t necessary. Some queerplatonic partners might even have kids or adopt together. I want to make sure I like properly understand. So in your view a QPR is like living with your best best friend? But you commit to it a little more than i have seen some best friends who live together 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 4 minutes ago, AromanticScriptette said: I want to make sure I like properly understand. So in your view a QPR is like living with your best best friend? But you commit to it a little more than i have seen some best friends who live together 😂 That’s actually exactly what I’m saying 😂 I’m not in one but I want to be though Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 18 minutes ago, Star Lion said: Romantic partners are all about the romance. Pleasing each other is huge in the relationship and is what sparks their happiness. They’re about the dates, showing each other off, being all cute together, and likely a lot of sensual actions like making out. This might be romance to some people, but that's not what makes their relationship romantic. Flowers, dates, etc. might be cliche romantic gestures but "romance" in the context of romantic vs. aromantic is only about whether or not you experience romantic feelings. And romantic feelings are just that - feelings. Two people might hate all that fluffy stuff but still be madly in love. Meanwhile, I've had 'romantic' candlelit dinners with friends before, just for the fun of it. There's no set of actions that define romantic feelings vs non-romantic feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 8 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said: This might be romance to some people, but that's not what makes their relationship romantic. Flowers, dates, etc. might be cliche romantic gestures but "romance" in the context of romantic vs. aromantic is only about whether or not you experience romantic feelings. And romantic feelings are just that - feelings. Two people might hate all that fluffy stuff but still be madly in love. Meanwhile, I've had 'romantic' candlelit dinners with friends before, just for the fun of it. There's no set of actions that define romantic feelings vs non-romantic feelings. I get what you’re saying, but the thing is that romantic feelings don’t necessarily make it a romantic relationship. Feelings might not be determined by actions, but what type of relationship you’re in is. If an asexual is having sex with a person regularly, then them and that person are in a sexual relationship. I’m just saying that romantic relationships are where the couple regularly does stuff for the sake of romance and pleasing each other, although what I was saying is pretty stereotypical Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 30 minutes ago, AromanticScriptette said: I want to make sure I like properly understand. So in your view a QPR is like living with your best best friend? But you commit to it a little more than i have seen some best friends who live together 😂 I don't think all qprs are the same, same as other types of relationships are not the same. but to me the big difference between a QPR and just best friends, is you put each other first Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 1 minute ago, Star Lion said: I get what you’re saying, but the thing is that romantic feelings don’t necessarily make it a romantic relationship. Feelings might not be determined by actions, but what type of relationship you’re in does. If an asexual is having sex with a person regularly, then them and that person are in a sexual relationship. I’m just saying that romantic relationships are where the couple regularly does stuff for the sake of romance and pleasing each other, although what I was saying is pretty stereotypical Right, but sex is an action. Romance isn't. Romance is defined by the two (or more) people involved and that's it. If two people say "I'm in love with you" to each other and proceed to only do what you put in the QPR category (cohabitation, make life decisions together, etc.), that doesn't make what they have a QPR. Even if they might not seem stereotypically romancy with each other to others looking in, the relationship between them is a romantic one if that's how they feel about each other. Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 19 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said: Right, but sex is an action. Romance isn't. Romance is defined by the two (or more) people involved and that's it. If two people say "I'm in love with you" to each other and proceed to only do what you put in the QPR category (cohabitation, make life decisions together, etc.), that doesn't make what they have a QPR. Even if they might not seem stereotypically romancy with each other to others looking in, the relationship between them is a romantic one if that's how they feel about each other. The definition of romantic says “conducive to or characterized by the expression of love.” So it takes more than a statement to make a romantic relationship, it takes action. Specifically actions in relation to expressing love. The couple can say that they’re in love with each other and still be in a QPR because actually expressing the love towards each other isn’t a regular thing for them and puts them outside the definition of a romantic relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 My QPR came about completely accidentally and unexpectedly The reason it's a QPR is because he doesn't get any special treatment; there's no "our" thing, no exclusivity and both my cars are loved just as much. The difference is that I see one (Blitz) as my "uncle" and the other (Clutch) as my "snuggle-bro". Things might be different if I hadn't grown up with Blitz (and thus imprinted? He's practically related to me without genes actually occurring), but I doubt it. He's not a snuggler, he's an over-taker So yes, it's basically a very strong friendship where you've made some sort of pact to be there for each other for as long as you both agree you should, but it isn't necessarily exclusive and you don't see them as "completing" you. They aren't "the centre of your world", like I've heard many romantics say. You're both still independent beings, but ones who've chosen to intertwine your lives because you get on well. It can be lonely being aro and QPRs provide more of a safety net than traditional friendships (who may decide their romantic partner/kids/career is more important and abandon you ). Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 2 hours ago, Star Lion said: The definition of romantic says “conducive to or characterized by the expression of love.” That's a pretty shit definition tbf. I love my dog and show it by snuggling and giving her belly rubs and half my breakfast, but we're not romantically involved (or even QPly involved!). Love =/= romantic love, and this just proves romantic love is a feeling, not an action (or set of actions). Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said: That's a pretty shit definition tbf. I love my dog and show it by snuggling and giving her belly rubs and half my breakfast, but we're not romantically involved (or even QPly involved!). Love =/= romantic love, and this just proves romantic love is a feeling, not an action (or set of actions). I’m pretty sure romantic love is what it meant 😂 but I’m seriously not trying to say romantic love isn’t a feeling. I’m trying to say romantic love doesn’t make a romantic relationship. Actions don’t make romantic love but what they can make is a romantic relationship. Romantic love =/= Romantic relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 2 hours ago, Star Lion said: “conducive to or characterized by the expression of love.” By that definition, QPRs are actually romantic relationships too. Or don't you think living together and building lives together in a committed way inherently includes expressions of love? It would be pretty odd if two people did all that but did nothing together that bonded them, remaining completely indifferent to each other with no signs of love or affection at all. Romantic feelings do not automatically mean romantic relationship. A relationship founded on those romantic feelings, regardless of the way those feelings are outwardly expressed, does. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 4 hours ago, AromanticScriptette said: I have been aroace for 4ish years but i still don't understand how QPR's actually work in real life and how they differ from romantic relationships. Like I haven't met another aromantic or even asexual person in like 2 years and I feel like if I was to be in a QPR with someone who is not aro and/or ace than I would be leading them on or messing with their feelings and it would be unfair! I also do not understand how a QPR differs from romantic relationships and friendships? Like, I understand they are kind of inbetween the two but i never understood truly what a romantic relationship and what the boundaries are for friendships? Does this make any sense? 😂 I'm no expert either but a QPR might be a little less romantic than an average "romantic" asexual relationship..if that makes any sense at all? I'm still quite confused about the term myself actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.