Fluctuating/Evolving Romantic Orientation?

[IrishArcher]

My experiences with romantic attraction have been few and far between, with only two significant incidents that I can think of so far. My attitude toward romantic relationships, however, has seen several major shifts in the past few years, and when I look at my experience as a whole, I find it very confusing. I'm going to attempt to detail my entire experience below, but it will likely be extraordinarily long, so feel free to skim or skip over parts.

 

TL;DR:  I used to be interested in guys and not girls, but now I'm interested in girls and not guys. Also, I have problems determining what is or isn't romantic attraction.

 

Long version:

 

I have nothing much to say about middle school. Romance wasn't really on my radar then. I don't even remember thinking about it.

 

I had a crush on a boy at the beginning of my freshman year of high school. This was my first and only experience with typical "crush-like symptoms" - butterflies, stammering, blushing, the whole shebang. It lasted a month, and most of what I knew about him came from my imagination. As soon as I actually got to know him, the feelings fled as suddenly as they had come. Looking back, I can say that I liked the idea of him far more than I actually liked him, but it was the most intense attraction that I can remember feeling. At the time, I wanted a relationship with a boy, because I had this idea that that was what people were supposed to do in high school. All my friends were head over heels for their respective crushes, and I guess I wanted to experience that. I'm not sure if my feelings were genuine, or if I simply forced myself to feel something.

 

This attitude toward romance continued into my sophomore year. The summer between freshman and sophomore year, I dated a girl because she was interested in me. I liked her platonically, but I knew she wanted a romantic relationship, so I tried to convince myself to like her back in the same way. It didn't work. It was at this point that I decided I didn't like kissing. I broke it off with her at the beginning of sophomore year. Around the same time, I became close friends with a boy in the grade above me. Being in the same mindset as freshman year (looking for romance, specifically with a boy), I wondered if this constituted attraction. I did not want to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but I was open to the idea of one if he were ever to ask. It was at this point I started considering myself demiromantic. He never expressed that kind of interest in me, and eventually that openness faded as we drifted apart a bit.

 

Also during my sophomore year, a boy asked me out and I said yes, despite feeling nothing whatsoever for him. On our date, he did some things that made me really uncomfortable, and when I finally managed to break off all contact with him, I decided I wanted nothing to do with romance ever again.

 

This attitude stuck with me all throughout junior year. I became repulsed by the idea of romantic relationships, especially with boys. One boy asked me out at the end of junior year and I turned him down.

 

Now, senior year. Throughout junior and senior year, I became aware of an aesthetic attraction to girls exclusively. I met a girl in the middle of junior year who expressed some interest in me (though not explicitly - I was unaware of any signals until a mutual friend pointed them out). We texted occasionally and found we had a lot of things in common. At the beginning of senior year, my friend urged me to ask her out. I wasn't opposed to the idea of dating her, and figured most of my reservations stemmed from unsuccessful previous relationships, so I did. We had an amazing first date, and then a second. As I got to know her better, I found that I really did like her romantically, and wanted to continue dating her. I didn't experience any of the physical "crush-like symptoms" from before, but I did experience some clear signs (intrusive thoughts about her, interest in her daily life/activities, desire for exclusivity, desire for sensual activities like holding hands and possibly kissing). I consider this to be the most "real" of my experiences with romantic attraction.

 

I don't remember ever thinking about girls romantically before junior year. I'd only ever imagined relationships with boys. Now, I have absolutely no interest in relationships with boys, and only really think about romance with girls. However, when I think about the future, I can feasibly see myself in a romantic relationship with either, given a certain personality/character. I'm not sure whether or not I trust my imagination, or even my feelings, since I have been able to trick myself into "feeling" things in the past.

 

I'm not sure if any of this really makes sense, or exactly what kind of response I'm looking for, but it's nice to finally have all my thoughts in one place. Any commentary, advice, or stories of similar experiences would be welcome.

[abandoned-account]

This makes me think of something I've pondering a bit lately, are there any factors that determine one's romantic orientation, or is it just "the way you are" like sexual orientation? I know for many people it just goes with their sexual, but there are some whose romantic and sexual orientations don't line up. 

I'm not entirely sure if I've ever experienced romantic attraction or not. I feel like I may have, but I also think it could've been a placebo-type thing, idk. I think that my interest wouldn't matter on gender since I'm not interested in sex or genitals, it would only matter who they are as a person and how I feel about them. Weird thing is though, is that I often picture a hypothetical partner of mine being male or a person with "masculine" or gender-neutral traits, and I can't think of any logical reason why. Maybe because I'm that way myself? But I do like some things that can be considered "girly" (e.g. cute plushies), I just try to enjoy being who I am regardless of what society labels me. I am female and I don't really mind identifying as such, but I feel more towards the non-binary area. I like to think that I simply am me and it doesn't matter what my gender is.

Idk, maybe there isn't a solid answer for this. I just like discussing psychology and trying to dissect things.

[Guest]

I think I've had maybe three or four experiences where I thought I was crushing. But that was so long ago and the feeling was so faint I'm not entirely sure that they were actually crushes, though at the time I assumed they were, because I had nothing else to equate them with. With that said, I haven't felt any type of 'feeling' for anyone since, outside of occasional aesthetic appreciation. 

 

I had never really considered my own perception of romance outside of it being something that'll just one day happen. Looks like it never will, and I'm perfectly okay with that. 

 

Though I've always enjoyed the romance aspect of books, movies, etc., it was never really something I craved for myself and nowadays I think I just like the concept of it more than actually wanting to experience it for myself.