xixi Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 😣I don't know where to start, I am actually in pain right now, and I don't know how to express it. I met this man 3 years ago. He was good, spend a lot on me - time, money. Till I fell in love too deep. Everything seemed perfect. First Year of relationship, we have differences, when it comes to religion and culture, I was ready to change and learn and adjust to his beliefs and culture. There's no problem with that. On the 2nd year of relationship, I got pregnant and I have to terminate it because we both not ready, and he told me he doesn't want a kid especially out of wedlock and he promised that we will have it when we get married. He's been there for me, while I'm doing the procedure out of the country. I was so broken deep down my soul, cos some part of me wanted the baby, and as a Christian who went to Christian school all my life, I know its an immoral act, but I made a decision for myself as well. The relationship went well, but in the long run, he started to be over controlling, like he made me deleted my social accounts and made me choose either him or the social accounts, not seeing friends, or family, I have explained to him that i am just using it for family as they are away. HE won't listen to me, he always threaten me that he will leave. So, okay fine, I did what he wanted. His reasons were he doesn't want to remember or to see the guys I have dated before. And every time, we fight he called me names, like a slut, whore, bitch, but he changed as I always fight him back that I am not happy with what he calls me, regardless of the situation. But you know what, even i did what he wanted me to do, he still leaves me when i can't respond to him right away everytime he texted me. He won't accept any reasons and always threaten me that he will leave me. He blocked me on his facebook for a year now, (while still seeing each other) for the reason that we broke up and then came back to each other and didn't asked him anymore to unblock me. He changed, he don't want to go out to mall or public , were eating at the car, he doesn't even spend for any single penny for almost a year. I am the one who always invites him to eat something out or to spend on hotels if we date. The relationship were stable, like i felt like i am the only one whos doing the job for maintaining it. He made me spend on some when he needed help like to book his flights and promised to pay , ofcos i did not ask anything in return. Many times, when we have arguments, he blocked me right away and come back to me a few days after maybe (100 x) and still accept him every time he comes back. Till I get tired of it. The last time was he came back from friends as he told me, i was sending him message asking where are you, and then he told me "good night" , so i get angry, and texted him alot like" oh this is like this now, just say good night after ive waited for long hours for him to text me back. I get hysterical and he blocked me right away. No explanation, hes gone. Alot to say , about his foul treatments on me, but he made it up on me every time, that im so gullible i always accepts him. I should hate myself for loving him, no double i felt he loved me, but i felt hes falling out. He just don't know how to tell to me. For three years of talking to him, I almost believed that there's something wrong with me, but it wasn't me. My friends told me hes psycho. I remember last time, He wanted me to throw my make up, lotions and perfums. Cos he told me , It is like i am looking for someone / or an attention , or to get noticed by anyone. So i threw it all , and the next day, he asked me to go shopping for the make ups and give me cash. Honestly, hes gone now, he ditched me, like there's nothing, like I'm nothing, like im not a lost on him. (Felt like im a garbage). I am crying now. I don't know what to do, sometimes i just remembered the happy moments we have shared together. I am scared if I could not control myself if ever he will come back. I don't know , from whoever reads this, I don't know if you can say anything about , did he trully loves me, i still love him, hes my first love. just say something..... xixi Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 he made me deleted my social accounts and made me choose either him or the social accounts, not seeing friends, or family, he always threaten me that he will leave. he called me names, like a slut, whore, bitch, So... good riddance? Sounds like he did you a favor; now you can go find someone that actually respects you. Quote My friends told me hes psycho. Your friends may have had a point. Link to post Share on other sites
Biblioromantic Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Honey, that's called verbal abuse and gaslighting and manipulation. Get away from him--far, far away--and don't allow anyone to treat you that way. People who truly love you want to surround you with support, not take away your connections to family and friends. They want to build you up and make you feel good about yourself, not call you degrading names. They put effort into spending time with you, not wait for you to make a plan and then begrudgingly show up. They communicate with you openly, not shut you out and disappear. You deserve more. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
AspieAlly613 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 It's okay to feel hurt from the loss. True, he didn't turn out to be the perfect guy you thought he was. You fell deeply in love with someone, and now that love is lost. Yes, you're probably better off without him, but it's natural to feel hurt and sad. There's nothing wrong with you. Link to post Share on other sites
A shard of glass Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I don't even know where to begin... I'm so sorry you had to go through this *offers all the hugs* I know it's not much, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always available Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 What you're feeling now is a result of trying to turn yourself into someone he would approve of. That's really hard work, and now in spite of that hard work, he didn't appreciate it. You are still the person you were before you went through all of this, and you will meet someone who will NOT abuse you; that person will love you exactly as you are. Mourn the loss of this relationship for a while, but do not contact him, and if he contacts you, don't reply. He will not make you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I know it hurts now but reading through his abusive and controlling behaviour, when you get over the hurt, hopefully you will move on and find a good man, one who values you for who you are and a controlling abusive person out to take advantage of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 If that's you in your pic then you're stunning, and you're clearly beautiful inside as well. Meaning you can do SOOO much better than him. He doesn't deserve you. Doesn't even deserve to kiss your shoes if you ask me. Good riddance to that abusive sack of poop. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Just because he's the first, doesn't mean he should be the only - there's a whole big world out there just waiting for you. he would only clip your wings-move on smartly, don't look back and resist any attempts to reply to any contact he might make. Link to post Share on other sites
Lipbalm Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 People here have already given you the advice you need, so I won't repeat it. Most girls/women that I have personally known and are in these kinds of relationships never leave their guys despite how much hurt they cause. Sorry but these relationships go on and on and on and the girls/women I know actually enjoy the attention/sympathy they get from friends who hear about the problems they choose to face. Harsh, unbelievable, but true. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you're here just for the sympathy. You need to do what is best for you. That could be walking away, or it could be trying to get him back. Whatever you think is best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
NickJ Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I’m so sorry to hear this. As others have said, his behaviour is neither healthy nor loving. Hard as it may be, it sounds like you should be the one to walk away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
xixi Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 i really HOPED i did that , giving him the last words but i choose not to send him any messages. Just like that, I just walk away, though it hurts alot. I got tons of stuffs to write or tell him, but better just keep it in myself. Naaah , it could be that im asking for sympathy, but at last i did share it up on here. Before, i can't even share or talk about it to anyone, especially my friends, they all turn their back on me. Thanks to all though. appreciate everyone's opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 2 hours ago, xixi said: i really HOPED i did that , giving him the last words but i choose not to send him any messages. Just like that, I just walk away, though it hurts alot. I got tons of stuffs to write or tell him, but better just keep it in myself. Naaah , it could be that im asking for sympathy, but at last i did share it up on here. Before, i can't even share or talk about it to anyone, especially my friends, they all turn their back on me. Thanks to all though. appreciate everyone's opinion. My therapist after an abusive and toxic relationship suggested writing everything I wanted to say out but not sending, just using the writing it out as closure to release any latent emotions left. You are better off without him. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Completely block him, never speak to him again. He's an abusive, manipulative dickhead and you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Biblioromantic Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 3 hours ago, Serran said: My therapist after an abusive and toxic relationship suggested writing everything I wanted to say out but not sending, just using the writing it out as closure to release any latent emotions left. That's a really good idea. I know when I was leaving a past abusive relationship that I did something similar, and it really helped me purge some of the anger and hurt and everything. Anything to feel better, to come to terms with what happened to you, is good. But it's also good to stick to those guns of not responding back to the abuser when he contacts you, so the not sending it part also helps. Link to post Share on other sites
xixi Posted December 12, 2018 Author Share Posted December 12, 2018 Already blocked him, deleted our conversations from the beginning. You can't imagine,, seeing it or reading it, how his words against me when he gets upset or angry when I don't follow or do what he wants. # sighs (and he's being sweet when making up), thanks, guys. I wish there's something to do to remove memories and pain - that totally resets me. As soon as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 On 12/11/2018 at 10:46 AM, xixi said: I got tons of stuffs to write or tell him, but better just keep it in myself. Or even better, share it with other friends. Doesn't have to be a "relationship" type of friends, just regular good friends. On 12/12/2018 at 4:41 AM, xixi said: I wish there's something to do to remove memories and pain There's no way to remove it. But writing things down helps to process it. And opening up to friends, telling them how you feel, will help as well. All the best to you! Link to post Share on other sites
xixi Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 Thanks dear., Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Was he or you asexual, @xixi? Link to post Share on other sites
AlunsinaAce95 Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I am sorry. Free yourself from that nuisance. I know it is painful but you have to. That setting is not healthy anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
kevinkedar Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 he never deserve you at first place when he asked you to delete you social media accounts. Link to post Share on other sites
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