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Identifying as aro? Advice?


Shimmermaid

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I don’t think I have a typical aro story...from what I’ve read most people on here have never been interested in love or marriage, but that’s not the case for me. I am very confused on how to identify/if I actually fall under aro or somewhere on the spectrum at all.

 

I always (and still kind of do?) dreamed of getting married and having a family, but I can never picture my husband. I picture my wedding day and having a family, but I never really think about the husband aspect of it.

 

I had a really traumatic relationship about 3 years ago (first and only boyfriend), and since then I haven’t really felt romantic attraction. Is it possible that trauma shaped my romantic orientation and now I am aromantic (or cupioromantic maybe?)? I haven’t had any crushes or anything. I try to go on dating apps, and I never go on dates or anything...but can’t pin why. But I do think I want that relationship, but the romantic attraction just hasn’t happened.

 

I don’t want to minimize anyone’s identity as a result of bad experiences or a choice in any way, which is why I think I’m so confused.

 

Thoughts? Advice? I’m new to the aro identification and ideas, so I’m looking for support and have a hard time speaking to friends because they can’t relate.

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ThatLonelyBookworm

I don't wanna be that person that says to "give it more time,"

cause 3 years seems like plenty to me, but that's nothing I've experienced.

My best advice would be to just live your life as best as you can. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

Maybe try to find yourself re-excited about romance? Read some romance novels, watch some movies? 

I don't know if that's what works or not, but I think that's something I'd try. 

My gut instinct: let it come naturally. A watched pot never boils, and the slow student wins the homework. 

I do believe that attraction/orientation is a born trait, not a learned one, but I relate hugely to the feeling of never being able to picture a husband. 

You might also consider gray/demi? They're possibilities, 

I firmly believe that you'll figure it all out in your own time. So relax, and eat some cake!

Résultats de recherche d'images pour « purple cake »

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AroaceScriptette

I class myself as aromantic asexual and I have done since I was about 16 (I'm 20 now). I feel the exact same way about weddings. I want a wedding but can't imagine a partner. I think it's to do with, for me, societal expectations and what not but yeah. I so desperately want to fall in love because it sounds and looks amazing but I cant feel that way romantically. I still stick with the idea that labels can change as you change though :)

 

a traumatic experience may affect some aspects of your romantic orientation but don't stress about a label unless it would make you feel better. 

 

labels can change. They are fluid. So if you are aromantic now but in a few years time you fall in love romantically, then you can change the label if another suits better :) 

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