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How do I know if I'm greygender or just cis.


banana monkey

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banana monkey

So, I've been investigating non binary genders on and off for a while now. Today I came across a new term - greygender which is someone who has a strong natural ambivalence about their gender identity or gender expression. I've been wondering if this might fit but I dont know how to tell if this fits or if I'm just a cis female who doesnt really care or maybe loosely going towards tomboyish (I hate that word) female. I dont think I have dysphoria but I dont really feel that feminine and recently I've been wanting to experiment with my gender presentation and wanting to dress more male. (but often not having the guts too) However, I'm pretty certain that internally I dont feel male in terms of identity either. It also leaves me with the question of if I just see myself as female because thats what I've always been told I am and Ive had no reason not to accept that. I dont think I feel any discomfort when people use she/her pronouns for me but i do tend to feel a bit strange when people refer to me as a lady. (I think I dont really see myself as a lady but dont know why that is). 

 

Any thoughts? 

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There's nothing against being "masculine" despite being a woman. I know several other women who like to wear men's clothing just because they're more comfortable to wear, as simple as a reason can be ;).

From what you're describing I don't think you'd need the lable of grey-gender. If it turns out to help, that's great. If not, then you need no lable ^^;.

 

There is no need to defend yourself for anything. But if you feel like an answer is necessary then you can say that you're dressing the way you're feeling at the moment. (Like others do with different colours like: pink when they're doing great in the morning or black when they're in a bad mood etc.). No one I know ever found that answer strange. (At least, it hasn't happend so far around the circle of people that are known to me).

 

There was a nice list in an article recently, in fact the article is from quite some time ago but I found it just recently, lol, (especially for women) that went somewhat like this:

- Stop defending yourself for not being "feminine"

- Stop defending yourself for being "super feminine"

- and so on... ... ...

 

So, overall it was about the female gender trying to defend themselves too much since they fear to be frowned upon rather than just being themselves and not caring for what other people say. Saying that is far easier than doing you might want to say and this is correct. In a lot of cases just doing what you like to do ends with the experience that over 90% of the people looking at you either don't even notice or don't care about it.

 

If you're doing it, I'd enjoy to hear how it turned out :D.

Have some cake:

blog-pic-2.jpg

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Yeah I have to say that while I have no real issue being 'female' about half the time, I dress like a dude because I just feel like it. Then there are days I'll make myself super cute with make up and a dress or skirt. As a teenager I was a uber goth little fairy, whereas these days my style is akin to Jessica Jones. People change over time, its natural to do so, and to try out new ways. 

 

So much of what is feminine and masculine is a social construct that has evolved and changed over time as well. Like, barely a hundred years ago it was still somewhat shocking that women wore slacks and a hundred and fifty years ago, you better not have left the house without a floor length skirt and corset (well, you'd better not have left the house without permission anyway but I digress). 

 

Do what's you. If during this time, you feel that you need that label, use it, if not, don't worry about it, just be how makes you happy. 

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banana monkey

Thanks for the replies, 

 

I will have to think some more, it may be that I dont really want to be female. I want to be something else. I think this questioning has much to do with how I occasionally feel about my chest and the fact i dont understand the feelings of a greygender person. Whilst I dont have dysphoria about my chest, I often feel like it would be nice/better to have a flat one (and i'm reasonably flat anyway). However, I dont really know if I want to try a binder because I've heard they hurt, and conditions mean I really dont like tight clothes so not much point putting myself through that if I'm not dysphoric. 

 

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I also have chest issues, (I'm 147cm tall and I have a DD/E cup and oh god it hurts). I have a couple of trans men friends, and binders are not great from what they told me, and they are certainly not good to wear for extended periods of time. One of my friends has had to stop wearing his for a while to basically 'recover' from it.

 

As an alternative, decent sports bras can be pretty flattening. I'd say you'd probably better spend money on a couple of good ones of them, rather than a binder. 

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Just Somebody

Gender identity are just words you feel more comfortable for whatever reasons being referred as at the moment or the box you feel more comfortable and better represented being inside as the moment.... that's it, pretty simple.

 

 

Gender expression is what other people get to perceive on you (your behaviors,  your name and pronouns,  your body and biological sex,  your clothes, etc)

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no-longer-in-use

You sound like a masculine woman to me, which is perfectly fine. Being gender nonconforming is not the same thing as being nonbinary/trans.

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