Rie144

How do/did you come out as Ace?

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Rie144

Hey! I was just wondering how other people came out as asexual to friends, family, and boyfriend? Any personal stories, advice, or suggestions are welcomed! Specifically coming out to your partner?!

 

Thank you!

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MichaelTannock

I've never had a partner, and never come out to my family.
However, when I've come out as Asexual to my friends, or online, I've always used the direct approach.
That involves saying the words "I am Asexual", and then when asked what that means, saying "It means I do not experience Sexual Attraction".

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Mondaye

I haven't made a big coming out. But I shared it with some friends and my cousin and his fiancée.

 

I guess the best is to do it in a calm moment, where you can have all the attention you need to explain things or calm them down if they start to go out of hand. I haven't yet come out to my parents because I don't feel they would understand. 

 

It depends on the people, but a no stress moment and place seems in order to me.

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Rie144

@MichaelTannock That's good advice. 

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Rie144

@Mondaye I have been blessed with very understanding parents, so I'm sure they would understand. I'm more worried about my partner since in basically telling him no more sex, which I fear it too much for him. But a calm environment is definitely a must-have! Thanks!

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Star Lion

I haven’t had a “partner” since I was 6 so I don’t have any first hand experience with it 😂 I can tell you my uninteresting coming out story though.

Spoiler

It started with my closest friends who were pretty much all pansexual and understanding. I’m pretty sure they said something related and I was like “I’m actually asexual.” Next came certain strangers where I stood and stared all nervously while my friends explained asexuality. After that was my class mates who I was about to never see again. One of my friends was constantly trying to talk about sexual stuff with me and I wasn’t having it. Later they pulled an entire group of students to have this conversation. I was terrible at explaining asexuality and they kept asking some violating questions 😂 I probably lied about twice because of those questions. After the school year ended, I went to snapchat and talked about it. Lots of questions and support. Best thing about coming out on social media is people can’t judge you as hard and there’s no confrontation. After that was my parents. I talked to my dad after he asked if I was gay and then he basically said teenagers don’t feel sexual attraction and I would grown out of it or whatever. My mom understood but was really weirded out by it. My dad eventually came to understand (I think). 

But in each situation, a conversation brought up my sexuality or had something to do with getting a girlfriend. That’s when I find it best to tell people that I’m asexual. 

 

Back to the partner thing, you have to be honest with people. It will cause less pain for the both of you in the long run. How he reacts will show the person he actually is. I know sex is definitely important for a lot of people though, so he might break up with you. I would just help him understand though that it isn’t his fault because many sexuals feel rejected in situations like this. Explain that it’s just who you are and you just aren’t comfortable with sex period

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Gizamaluke

Over the course of 15 years with little hints and abject non-dating.

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Rie144

@Star Lion Thanks for sharing! I definitely think I'll have to take it one person at a time, but you're right honesty is best. It's not fair for me to do something I'm not comfortable with and for him not to know. Thanks alot!

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St. Nyaaconix the II

Coming out as ace wasn't all too hard... It's just people are confused. They don't understand how one doesn't want to do it with someone else.

 

"But I've seen the way you look at girls!" Yeah, I still find them beautiful

 

"Really? You don't " No? Do I have to?

 

"But you haven't met the right person yet!" Well then, I must be the world's most pickiest person then. 

 

"But you want a partner right?" Yes?

"But partners have sex! It's important for that connection!" Really? Sex is your most important thing about the relationship?... Really... And if the sex is bad. You dump them?... wow

"So you want a friendship then?" No? Just a companionship. Living together, go about things together. Share a life. That person still means a lot more to me than a friend.

 

"That's so sad..." There's nothing sad about it. I couldn't care less if I had it or not.

 

"But no one is going to want to be in a relationship, if you don't want sex". Well then, then it's easier to filter out the people who'd just want me for the body. <_< 

 

So, yeah ^_^, hope it helps a bit.

 

There was one person though, who knew about it... Cool! Hope you feel relieved now! ^_^ 

 

 

 

 

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Rie144

@St. Nyaaconix the II Thanks for sharing! I'm expecting some of those question based on what I have read in other forums. I'm just hoping he gets it! This helped alot. 

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