Flump222

Am I in denial? What do I do?

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Flump222

December 8th is the anniversary of my first AVEN post, but all it's been for me is a year of pain and misery. I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere, and I've been thinking that I may be in denial. I've had multiple people say I'm ace, and a few more say that I'm in denial. Heck, sometimes I feel I'm in denial about being straight, but also about being ace. When something seems to be linked to my sexuality I automatically question it. I just feel like I'm just in constant doubt and I can't get anywhere. What do I do?? I feel like I'm just using this all to make myself feel like crap, since sometimes I feel like sadness is my happy place. Am I in denial? What do I do? Who am I?

(For more context, look here. It explains a lot. I'm also sorry if I've been posting about this all way too much)

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ParadoxGenie

Sounds like, you are having hormones going after you, and let me tell ya, even sex repulsed asexuals can get random whathaveyous just like what you've been going through, because of hormones. It really is just hormones, and it's normal, and it happens to everyone, and you are at the age where they are extreme, and you got nothing to worry about because so long as you are honest about your feelings with any partner. A lot of people change their label because they don't know and they often go back and forth and eventually go idk or stick with one. Sometimes as you grow your hormones change completely different and stay that way, so you can be something one year and something else the next, and literally not have an event cause it, but your own brain chemistry. But like, you aren't fighting yourself on stuff, you just have anxiety eating you because you don't understand. It's normal, you are what you are, it's okay to experiment, just stop tearing your own heart out. You'll have a lot of people say you aren't a label when you are, and say you are another thing or this or that no matter what you are, even straight. And just to ease your mind even further, I don't think you are in denial about anything, other than thinking it's not okay, when it is. Believe me, you are okay, and it's all cool, and it'll work out fine.


As for what to do? Go out there and live that life! lol literally it's the only way you are going to figure out who you are and what you should do. You got a lot of time to find your footing in the world. People who you love will understand. Just be brave, be kind, save heartache, and believe in yourself like never before. Even if you don't know what the path is, just take one at full speed. Don't be afraid to fail, don't be afraid to change, just remember the good times, learn from the bad, and always pick yourself up. You can take those hits, and hit back harder.

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Galactic Turtle

I think in general sexuality only ever really matters when it comes to the pursuit of someone. If you're not interested in anyone romantically or sexually at this point in time and you don't feel a desire to look for people who could be pursuable, you're better off putting all that mental energy into other things. Sexuality never crossed my mind until I started being actively pursued by people because before that it never mattered.

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œddy

I really am worrying about how much you are fretting about this. Everyone is going to question their sexuality at some point when they are younger and I'm sure all aces have moments of doubt at some point, but you are truly obsessing over it. Why does it matter who or what you are? You'd still be welcome here regardless. Go and do what you feel is right and what you want.

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Flump222
10 hours ago, œddy said:

I really am worrying about how much you are fretting about this. Everyone is going to question their sexuality at some point when they are younger and I'm sure all aces have moments of doubt at some point, but you are truly obsessing over it. Why does it matter who or what you are? You'd still be welcome here regardless. Go and do what you feel is right and what you want.

Ah, well I'm glad you care. Today is actually the 1 year anniversary of my first AVEN post, so it's been a while. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why I care so much. I just know that I do. I think it's a matter of control. I want to feel in control, and when things can't be confirmed I feel out of control of them. I just want to know.

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Giorgio

I'm in the same situation, i'm quite sure i'm asexual, but i'm always very doubtful about everything. I just hate the fact that i'm not completely understanding what's going on in my head. I  spend hours watching videos and reading stuff just to hear the same things over and ver again like it would change something...It's like i'm afraid that what i think is always in some ways conditioned by something

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Missa

I think the more you think about it,the more confused you'll be.  It's easier said than done, but try not to think on it so much and just live life, and it'll become apparent.  Experience is how you'll learn.

 

I remember when I was around 13 I was questioning whether I was straight or not because all the girls at school had had crushes for years and I never had one.  The thought was almost sickening.

Then I heard a particularly masculine voice on TV one day and my heart flitter fluttered lol.  So I guess the boys at school just weren't so great xD haha.

 

Flash sixteen years later and I realize I'm ace.  Probably het romantic ace, but I'm hoping I'll discover I'm demi lol.  Would make things easier.

But I won't know unless I live life, and no amount of ruminating is going to provide my answer.

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Flump222
8 minutes ago, Missa said:

I think the more you think about it,the more confused you'll be.  It's easier said than done, but try not to think on it so much and just live life, and it'll become apparent.  Experience is how you'll learn.

 

I remember when I was around 13 I was questioning whether I was straight or not because all the girls at school had had crushes for years and I never had one.  The thought was almost sickening.

Then I heard a particularly masculine voice on TV one day and my heart flitter fluttered lol.  So I guess the boys at school just weren't so great xD haha.

  

Flash sixteen years later and I realize I'm ace.  Probably het romantic ace, but I'm hoping I'll discover I'm demi lol.  Would make things easier.

But I won't know unless I live life, and no amount of ruminating is going to provide my answer.

How should I go about this though? I've tried taking breaks but it just makes it worse. I struggle to get it off my mind. It's almost as if I want to think about it and make my life a living hell...

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Missa

Just distract yourself the best you can.  Hang out with friends or put your energy into hobbies.  Keep your mind engaged and you won't think about it nearly as much.  It's during quiet periods or boredom when we think about these sorts of things most.

I get how hard it is, I've struggled with overthinking everything too, but that's the best way.  

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gisiebob

accept, and let go.

we can only give the same advice in so many ways.

 

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songchick

The process of self-discovery can take years.  It has for me, and I still have my freakout moments pretty frequently.  Journaling helps me rationalize through the feelings.

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isola

You are not your labels, you know. I completely understand the feeling of wanting to belong somewhere, but sometimes the process will have to take its time and discovering who you are may take years. I doubt a lot of us will just wake up one day, state "this is me" and be done with it. Its a slow process and I honestly think most of us keep evolving throughout our entire lives. 

 

For me, who are now in my 30s, its still an ongoing one at least. For the first 25ish years of my life, I was "straight" and in my future I saw nothing but the usual "husband and 2.5 kids"- vision. Not because I desired it, but because society told me thats what Im supposed to desire. When I was 27 (!) I dared to question it and from there on its been a journey. Im not done yet, but Ive accepted it for what it is and I really wish you too will find peace, even if you dont have all the answers to "who am I?".

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