Platonic Marriage

[Not telling]

Ok so get this. Imagine a marriage........but with your best friend.......and NO SEX! It's like a dream. Why isn't this more normalized? Are there people that have done this? For me, marriage sounds absolutely awful with the current state it's in, but if I could platonically marry someone I would do it. You would have someone by your side when you die, someone to adopt and raise kids with, someone to buy a house with, someone to support you, and most importantly someone to love you in the most genuine, platonic way. I wish there was an easier way to find someone who would be up for this. Maybe I'll put out an ad......or is this an ad?😮

[Galactic Turtle]

In the past I think this has been called a "Boston marriage" of course given the time period the people in them were probably lesbian. 

 

As for why platonic marriage in general isn't normalized, it's because most of the world wants sex and romance. Granted what a pairing does together is purely up to the people involved. There could be lots of platonic married couples out there but in my experience most married couples don't broadcast their bedroom activities to the world. 

[ZinxtheJinx]

Sounds like a great idea but in practice, its going to be very hard. 

Maybe you'll get lucky though.

[Cobie]

19 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

... what a pairing does together is purely up to the people involved. There could be lots of platonic married couples out there but in my experience most married couples don't broadcast their bedroom activities to the world. 

Very true.

[daveb]

31 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Boston marriage

Yeah, that wasn't necessarily platonic, and was used more for 2 women living together rather than 2 men and a man and a woman.  

 

“Boston Marriage” was a term used in the 19th century and early 20th century to refer to two single women living together, independent of men. The term was originally coined in Henry James' novel The Bostonians, which told the tale of an intimate companionship between two wealthy, Boston women.

[Guest]

Wait @daveb, is this in the right subforum?? I think it should be in one of the ace ones (asexual relationships maybe?) because I don't think that sexual people's input on this will be quite as positive as as ace people's input haha!!

 

In saying that though, I'd rather marry someone who is my best friend than someone who I'm with merely because I'm infatuated with them or just love banging them or whatever. An underlying friendship is extremely important. However, I also may want the sexytimes (at least of some kind or another) every now and then if I'm in the mood If I'm going to be bound to someone like that I'd want to know they're open to sharing their body with me in some way or another, at least when I'm in the mood for that

[anisotrophic]

I wonder if that's what I did.

 

It does seem to work out well. With enough friendship, and love in an enduring sense -- and loyalty and care for each other. Overcoming challenges together. Helping each other grow.

 

I do experience sexual desire/attraction to him. I think it would be a mistake to think the presence of this in me -- or the absence in him -- renders either of our experiences of friendship & love less valid.

 

So I'm grateful that he treats that desire for sexytimes with love as well.  There's something intensely genuine about the love, to know I matter enough to be granted this favor.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

My parents marriage was just that- they married late in life, didn't expect to have any children and after I was born, that was that. They were the best buddies and when my dad died my mother was inconsolable but I know there was no sex between them for at least the last 20 years of their marriage and they were very happy. I guess neither of them had much of a sex drive, but loads of love.

Not so strangely, I've kinda recreated that- only, without the partner!😄

 

 

[MrDane]

I am with my best friend. The only person I could be exclusively with was her. (Or so I feel) We build a famliy on this and plan to stay together forever. As asexuality became an issue. (As we realized, that was what was causing some problems with our love life) some of my visions of being together forever had to be changed.

[IceKing]

This is the only way I can imagine myself being in this kind of human connection we call marriage. I'm a fan of this idea and I love that AVEN is a place where people openly discuss alternative relationships (or even have first-hand experience with it like CBC) and are keen with them.
To be honest I felt a bit lost after I discovered relationships with sex and romance don't fit with me (or I don't fit them) and make me feel quite uncomfortable. But here are other people with these sentiments and from my point of view a platonic marriage can definitely work. As the people involved have their values set and know what they want. Things can always turn out differently than we expect but I'm still a believer in this regard.
And @chandrakirti that sounds wonderful!

[iff]

Moved from sexual partners, friends & allies to asexual relationships

 

iff,

moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

[Guest]

3 hours ago, CBC said:

So theoretically, I may spend my life in a platonic marriage. I guess we're an odd couple, an asexual dude and a gay chick, but there's still love and respect and family and comfort and even though I have the capacity for something else, this actually feels right in terms of my... home base. Especially since my husband seems fairly alright with me having other connections. I'm pretty into the idea of relationship anarchy, tbh. The most important part to me is that I'm not hiding who I am anymore, trying to be something I'm not. But that doesn't dictate what type of relationship(s) I need to have.

Aww. You really reminded me of me and R. there. Obviously we weren't married, and I'm a "guy" only in terms of biology/anatomy... but still. Sounds a lot like what we had... and I still miss that relationship. 

 

Keeping my fingers crossed for the two of you lasting better than we did.

[LadyKnightKatieofMasbolle]

I've just started questioning my sexuality very recently and have been in a marriage for 3 years now. Sex has played a part in our marriage but not a very large part. I've always had a lower libido than my husband. But when I came to him confused about my sexuality and scared that he would want out because I couldn't fulfill his desires this is what he told me.

 

I didn't marry you for the sex. Yes, it's nice to be intimate with you in that way, but I could live without it if I have to. I married you because you're my best friend, we understand each other in a way no one else does. I want you to be the person I raise my children with, biological or otherwise, because of your morals and your kindness and your compassion.

 

So I think it's a thing and I think you can find it if you can find that one person who compliments you in all the right ways.

[GaiaShirley]

On 12/8/2018 at 3:53 PM, cbc said:

X

Sorry for reviving an old thread, but I wanted to ask you something about this in private, if that's okay?  I couldn't send you a private message, and I don't know if it's because your inbox might be full... So I'm checking here first.