Feeling... confused and a bit lost. Possibly genderfluid?

[uhhh]

I don’t really know how to start this but I’ve always identified as a cis female up until recently I never questioned it or even thought to question it even though there’s reasons I maybe should have.

 

So to start I’ve always felt like I wasn’t “allowed” to be a girl; no one ever said I couldn’t be and I was born female but that’s just how I felt as a kid. Things like wearing make-up, playing with dolls, or other girly things really made me uncomfortable (wearing make-up still does most of the time). I’ve also always much preferred more androgynous clothing and hated the girly clothes my mom would dress me in. 

 

When I’d very rarely play “house” as a kid I’d always take the role of the father and now when I play video games I always take on a male role. In real life though I have a very feminine body; my hands are small and dainty, my waist is slim and I have wide hips. I hate it some days and I wish I looked more masculine to the point where I want to hide away so no one can see me, but other days I’m fine being me which only confuses me more. Seeing myself in a bra also makes me extremely uncomfortable on days where I’m uncomfortable with my body and I become extremely conscious of my genitals (though I don’t think I’d be more comfortable with different genitals). I don’t mind being identified as a girl but when someone mistakes me for a boy I feel really happy? I don’t think I’d ever tell anyone explicitly to call me by male pronouns though. 

 

Anyways I’m sorry this is really long winded I’ve just been thinking about it a lot; I feel like I may be genderfluid? I don’t know though I’m new to all this gender stuff. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks. 

 

[Slimer509]

So, this sounds very similar to what I went through when I was questioning my gender identity. (For reference, I now identify as gender-fluid, but I'm pretty loose with myself about what that actually means.) 

 

I'm assigned male at birth, so a bit on the other side of the coin, but I can relate to a lot of the things you've said. I would never really describe myself as feeling much dysphoria over my body, and I'm not exactly uncomfortable when people see me as a man, or call me a man, or use masculine pronouns. That said, I've never been comfortable aligning myself with traditional masculine qualities; for example, I've always been very uncomfortable with my facial/body hair. At some point, I started picking female options in video games, and it always made me feel... happy. I wanted to be able to escape into a world where I could present feminine and nobody would call me out on it. And like you said, if anybody ever mistook me for a girl (which rarely happened, but it did a couple times), I would feel almost proud about it, and certainly not distressed.

 

If it's a possible option for you, I would recommend trying to get in touch with a therapist who has experience with trans and LGBT+ clients. I was fortunate enough to have a supportive, financially capable family, and the therapy really helped me sort out my feelings on the matter.

 

However, I understand not everybody is able to get access to that. One of the most helpful things to do, in my experience, is try to experiment with your presentation in private (which will likely involve buying a couple new articles of clothing). Without worrying about what anybody else thinks, try presenting in different ways, and see how you genuinely feel about it.

 

Best of luck with all this!

[uhhh]

7 hours ago, Slimer509 said:

So, this sounds very similar to what I went through when I was questioning my gender identity. (For reference, I now identify as gender-fluid, but I'm pretty loose with myself about what that actually means.) 

 

I'm assigned male at birth, so a bit on the other side of the coin, but I can relate to a lot of the things you've said. I would never really describe myself as feeling much dysphoria over my body, and I'm not exactly uncomfortable when people see me as a man, or call me a man, or use masculine pronouns. That said, I've never been comfortable aligning myself with traditional masculine qualities; for example, I've always been very uncomfortable with my facial/body hair. At some point, I started picking female options in video games, and it always made me feel... happy. I wanted to be able to escape into a world where I could present feminine and nobody would call me out on it. And like you said, if anybody ever mistook me for a girl (which rarely happened, but it did a couple times), I would feel almost proud about it, and certainly not distressed.

 

If it's a possible option for you, I would recommend trying to get in touch with a therapist who has experience with trans and LGBT+ clients. I was fortunate enough to have a supportive, financially capable family, and the therapy really helped me sort out my feelings on the matter.

 

However, I understand not everybody is able to get access to that. One of the most helpful things to do, in my experience, is try to experiment with your presentation in private (which will likely involve buying a couple new articles of clothing). Without worrying about what anybody else thinks, try presenting in different ways, and see how you genuinely feel about it.

 

Best of luck with all this!

Thank you! I feel less alone knowing someone has kind of gone through the same things and I may try to find a therapist I’m unsure about talking to people honestly, but I really appreciate your thoughts. 

[Just Somebody]

Gender identity are just words you feel more comfortable for whatever reasons being referred as at the moment or the box you feel more comfortable and better represented being inside as the moment.... that's it, pretty simple.

 

 

 

Gender expression is what other people get to perceive on you (your behaviors,  your name and pronouns,  your body and biological sex,  your clothes, etc)

 

[no-longer-in-use]

Damn I relate. You could be genderfluid, or you could be something else. Keep exploring and see what feels right. Something to consider is whether you feel like your gender changes, shifts, or fluctuates. If not, you're probably not genderfluid.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

23 hours ago, Coddiwomple said:

Damn I relate. You could be genderfluid, or you could be something else. Keep exploring and see what feels right. Something to consider is whether you feel like your gender changes, shifts, or fluctuates. If not, you're probably not genderfluid.

I would suggest looking more into non-fluid (solid?) nonbinary identities. Or just nonbinary without narrowing it down further. 

[no-longer-in-use]

5 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I would suggest looking more into non-fluid (solid?) nonbinary identities. Or just nonbinary without narrowing it down further. 

I think the opposite of fluid is static. I don't know if you're advising me or the OP, but either way, good advice!

[Celyn: The Lutening]

1 minute ago, Coddiwomple said:

I think the opposite of fluid is static. I don't know if you're advising me or the OP, but either way, good advice!

Why not both!

And it should be either solid vs fluid or static vs variable, not this unholy mix of the two 😛

[no-longer-in-use]

3 minutes ago, Celyn said:

And it should be either solid vs fluid or static vs variable, not this unholy mix of the two 😛

Fair enough. I just said static because I've seen it used as an antonym to fluid on Gender Wiki.