Sashakawaiicat

Acceptance and coming out

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Sashakawaiicat

I've been thinking about my sexuality lately and I really wished I lived somewhere where I could tell someone I'm Aromatic Asexual and they immediately knew what I was talking about, and just leave me alone. But I always have to go through this bullshit of some guy hitting on me and asking if I have a boyfriend, and usually I go "yes I totally do" even though I don't even like guys (like I don't even enjoy the company of men) and it makes me feel bitter and sad that I always have to go through the stupid process of lying about who I am in order to tell someone I'm not interested, when saying I'm aroace, if most people were aware of what it was would be enough. To be honest a lot of heterosexual women probably do that a lot as well, because even though there's also the option of just telling someone your not interested, they'll still fucking pester you if they don't immediately know some other guys already with you which is so annoying. Anyway I feel like I can never be open about my sexuality because being apart of such a small percentage means a lot of people just don't get it. Even Lgbtq people can exclude Asexuals just as much as heterosexuals do, and that just sucks because I feel like most of the people who I can talk to about stuff like this are just other asexuals. Anyway I wanted to write this because I've known I was asexual since I was in highschool and I've never really felt odd or different because of it, nor have I ever felt wrong in myself or that I didn't belong. But today is the first day I've ever thought about my sexuality and felt genuinely sad, like I wanted to cry because most people just don't understand asexuality or don't care to. And that realization didnt really bother me before but I dunno today it did, because I want to be accepted for who I am. I don't want to have to go through the process of telling someone I'm asexual only to have them basically deny my existence. Like usually I could laugh about someone telling me I'm going to change and suddenly wake up one day and like dick but I'm honestly just annoyed by it now. Especially knowing there are asexuals out there being pressured into sex as if that's going to change them. Its not. That's not how sexuality works. Any way, I'm very proud of who I am, I've always been. I love not having a desire for romantic or sexual relationships. I honestly value relationships with my family members who I'm close to over anything else (which to be honest I should probably work on that since I've ended up with zero friends as a result, seriously I cut ties with people who aren't my family so fast...I have like zero friends in real life) but I still want to be accepted, and I still want to live in a place where I can comfortably talk to someone about asexuality and not have them thinking I'm talking about plants. I do want to say though that I I'd the whole "coming out" thing twice now and apparently when I'm 60 and still asexual my sister with finally accept me. But I did tell my younger brother and I don't even think he truly gets it but somehow he still managed to be a shit ton Kore accepting than I expected him to be. I told him very seriously that he's was my brother and I needed him to know who I was, and I needed to know that he accepted me for who I was, and he hugged me (which really surprised me) and basically told me that he did, and basically said its OK that I'm asexual. And that's all I needed! Like I don't know what he's thinking, maybe he's also like my sister and del down he thinks I'm going to change, but he didn't say that. He didn't try to dismiss me or invalidate my identity. He saw and understand that I just heeded to be accepted and that was it. I hope more people learn to be accepting of others. And even though I still feel kinda sad I'm glad that at least one person who I care about accepts me. I still haven't told my mom I'm asexual yet, cos we're aren't that close anymore and I'm honestly can't imagine how she'd react but I'll tel her eventually.

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ParadoxGenie

Same on many points. I accept you. And I can honestly say that, yeah, no matter what your sexuality is, even lesbians have to lie about having a boyfriend from time to time because they just don't give up, like the creepers they are. I don't know if people will ever truly know the term in our generation, but they've come a long way to at least give us an ace day on some social media sites. So it'll get there eventually. You don't need to change. Just be happy, healthy, and hold hands with the rest of us that aren't a part of the weird sex addicted world out there. You'll never be alone, and it'll get easier. And I'll be your friend btw, pm me any time! ❤️

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lonelyace

As asexuals, we're caught in kind of a shitty situation aren't we. We want people to understand when we come out but the only way to spread awareness and understanding of asexuality is to continuously come out and explain what it is. The lack of understanding in the general population is something that I can only hope will improve as more people embrace their asexuality and spread awareness. That just means that we have to be the ones that face constant explanations and disbelief so that future generations don't have to.

 

As far as friendship, I understand how that can be tough. Finding people who accept you for who you are is always tough whether you're asexual or not. I'm gonna go ahead and copy ParadoxGenie and say that you can pm me any time. I love making internet friends.

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Sashakawaiicat
52 minutes ago, ParadoxGenie said:

Same on many points. I accept you. And I can honestly say that, yeah, no matter what your sexuality is, even lesbians have to lie about having a boyfriend from time to time because they just don't give up, like the creepers they are. I don't know if people will ever truly know the term in our generation, but they've come a long way to at least give us an ace day on some social media sites. So it'll get there eventually. You don't need to change. Just be happy, healthy, and hold hands with the rest of us that aren't a part of the weird sex addicted world out there. You'll never be alone, and it'll get easier. And I'll be your friend btw, pm me any time! ❤️

Thank you for being so kind and understanding. And I do understand that women in general do have to deal with creepy guys and it's so annoying. Thanks also for the offer to pm you anytime. Honestly I feel like I genuinely just don't like the company of other people which is why I have no friend's, I know how to talk to people and make friends easily at work but if I leave a job I tend to cut ties with people very quickly, which I do want to change because it feels unhealthy, and I don't want to get lonely, but I am trying to socialize more.

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Sashakawaiicat
53 minutes ago, lonelyace said:

As asexuals, we're caught in kind of a shitty situation aren't we. We want people to understand when we come out but the only way to spread awareness and understanding of asexuality is to continuously come out and explain what it is. The lack of understanding in the general population is something that I can only hope will improve as more people embrace their asexuality and spread awareness. That just means that we have to be the ones that face constant explanations and disbelief so that future generations don't have to.

 

As far as friendship, I understand how that can be tough. Finding people who accept you for who you are is always tough whether you're asexual or not. I'm gonna go ahead and copy ParadoxGenie and say that you can pm me any time. I love making internet friends.

Thanks for being so understanding as well. Honestly I just felt really sad, I just needed to rant. I'll start making friends eventually I'm actually very good with people I just don't actually enjoy the company of others much, but I feel like it's good to have friends. 

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ParadoxGenie
3 minutes ago, Sashakawaiicat said:

Thank you for being so kind and understanding. And I do understand that women in general do have to deal with creepy guys and it's so annoying. Thanks also for the offer to pm you anytime. Honestly I feel like I genuinely just don't like the company of other people which is why I have no friend's, I know how to talk to people and make friends easily at work but if I leave a job I tend to cut ties with people very quickly, which I do want to change because it feels unhealthy, and I don't want to get lonely, but I am trying to socialize more.

It is annoying, I've found it easier to go out and not get bothered, when I have a boy haircut rather than my long beautiful flowing hair. That and making mad dashes when I know I've been spotted by a creeper to begin with lol.

And truly, I know what you mean about the no friends and not liking the company of others. But with the way I grew up, it's very hard and nearly impossible to find another person that has had the same life experiences as me, and someone I can hit home with when talking with them. I cut ties quickly with people I've known in real life too (and half-ways regret it when I need references for my next job lol), and with internet friends, it takes longer, but usually our paths do diverge or just end randomly. I haven't had a friend for like 5 months, and have been mostly living in silence. Of course with how alone I felt with my last friendship you could say its been 2 years.

But you know, I actually stopped being lonely when I stopped socializing. It's freeing in it's own way to sit back and go, "okay this is all on me now, I can handle anything even when I can't, I can shout at the void, until I feel better, just the same, I can do what I like when I like, the only one to make me not enjoy today is me". So really honestly, I would say, don't worry too much about gathering up a bunch of people, and changing who you are. You are likable and perfect the way you are now. It's those other folk that couldn't walk the same path as you that are wrong, lol just kidding. It's really normal to just have a bunch of fleeting people in your life (example: it's normal to not keep up with every single person you went to school with), because our time here is just far too short. So, I'm happy that you want to branch out, just don't worry too much about changing or being lonely in the future. You're on one heck of an adventure, and you'll never end up in solitary isolation, or totally unaccepted, promise!

 

And I should mention, your sister will grow up in her own time, and accept you far sooner than 60yrs old, I promise. It'll be okay, and you don't have to do anything to make it be okay. ❤️

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