Guest Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 14 minutes ago, Mysticus Insanus said: *shrugs* I guess we're done here, then. I can't help it if you feel that way. I didn't see this until after I'd responded to R_1 (I'd missed his comment previously due to the fact that I've been having this entire convo on my phone Y_Y) but I agree we certainly can't go any further with this. I just am starting to feel a bit worried if I'm to be 100% honest but yeah, I hope things are okay at your end. Sorry about the fuss, arguments suck at the best of times but I just feel like something was going on here beyond a mere debate though I can't place my finger on what that could actually be. I think I've made my stance clear though so I shall now leave this thread, hopefully things are all good with you Mysticus and hopefully I'm just getting my brain in a fuss over nothing 😕 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Nah, things haven't been okay for quite a while. Nothing to do with this thread... Outside of this specific context: Thank you, I appreciate the concern and can take the last sentence as a positive regardless of this specific discussion here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 1 minute ago, Mysticus Insanus said: Nah, things haven't been okay for quite a while. Nothing to do with this thread... I'm really sorry to hear about that :c I genuinely respect you as a person (always have) even if we do get in really shitty arguments sometimes, so I don't like that you might not be feeling your best. I hope things can look up for you soon 😕 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Is it hair-splitting season or what? Hardly any definition-related threads without multipage quarrels over what does each word mean... To me lithosexuality never felt like having anything to do with sexual violence. To me it always felt clear that it's much closer to Quote experiencing sexual attraction but not having the desire to act on it. Perhaps it is in fact close to what I have written about in topics where I ask/consider whether sexual attraction without sexual desire is possible. My experience is also similar to what is described here in that I definitely "don't want to be desired" - being desired would imply that someone was imagining having sex with me and I would feel extremely uncomfortable if I was aware of that because I'm sex-averse and any idea of personally having sex feels violating to me. Still, I never thought of myself as lithosexual. I never found "not desiring reciprocation" as particularly relevant to my experience - the way I experience it, it's rather about perhaps experiencing something that could be called sexual attraction, or something similar to sexual attraction - but without actually wanting to have sex. Perhaps it is sexual attraction in a hopeless struggle with sex aversion where the former is doomed to be defeated - it just can't break through sex aversion and so it never achieves the point of actually desiring sex. (Which I don't regret in any way.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 To be fair, it's not impossible to have sexual attraction in a certain interpretation, and don't really want to do anything about it. You could feel hungry, but you don't want to eat. But, if we are to accept this position, then that would mean desire issue has more problems now. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mr kitty Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 On 12/8/2018 at 4:07 PM, Guest said: No I'm saying a Lith WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN DESIRE IN THAT SITUATION BECAUSE ON THE OUTSIDE AT LEAST THAT WOULD APPEAR AS RECIPROCATED SEXUAL DESIRE which by definition would turn a Lith off. How many times do I have to explain it? Y_Y Could you please, pretty please, read my actual words?? I am saying that by the generally accepted definition of lithosexual the mere APPEARANCE of reciprocated sexual desire would cause the Lith to lose sexual interest hence why they never even get to the point of actually having sex in the first place. Just because an ace may not be desiring the sex for their own pleasure, their willingness to engage in enjoyable sex would appear like mutual sexual desire for a Lith and therefore it would be a turn off. I am going by the generally accepted definition of Lith here, not your warped one. It's not about not wanting PLEASURE to be reciprocated (that's actually an inaccurate definition) it's about being turned off as soon as the desire to engage in sex seems to be reciprocated in any way. By YOUR personal definition of Lith, maybe. Not by the way it's generally accepted because by the generally accepted definition the Lith loses interest the moment any kind of reciprocated desire appears to be happening, long before it would ever get to the point of actually engaging in sex. A willingness to engage in pleasurable sex (even from an ace) would still appear like mutual sexual desire from the outside. The whole point of the Lith label (as an ace spec identity) is that they are UNABLE to carry their desire/attraction through to actual sex due to being repulsed/turned off by any form of reciprocated desire including a willingness to engage in sex. Not reciprocation of pleasure, but of the desire/attraction itself. lithosexuals desire sex with partners who do not sexually desire *them*. However, this partner can still desire the act of sex for many reasons, such as emotional bonding or physical pleasure. This would lead them to consent to and enjoy sex with the lith, while not having a sexual attraction or desire for them, which would cause the lith to lose their sexual attraction. Similarly, a lith may have a romantic attraction to someone who is sexually attracted to them, and may take part in and enjoy sex as a bonding activity or to compromise for their partner, even though they do not have a sexual desire for them. It may not be interesting for the lith sexually but they can still enjoy seeing their loved one pleased. At least, that's my understanding Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xrenity Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Hi! I’m lithosexual. I can and do act on my sex drive with consenting people. Neither sexual desire nor pleasure nor attraction are necessary for consent. Good thing, since I’m repulsed by all of the above. If a litho asks someone “sex time?” The dialog option that gets the litho into bed is “meh.” Not yes. Not no. Meh. And meh is meh. Unless you believe that enthusiastic consent is the only valid form of consent—which is all kinds of ill-fitting and problematized for ace folks in particular—saying “whatever, ok fine” etc. is still consent. And some people cannot give any other form of consent without lying and putting on fake feelings. These are the people with whom lithosexuals can have sex. The ones who genuinely feel apathetic about it. Some people feel zero need to be active participants in their own sex lives. My current partner, for example. He’s nonlibidoist. He doesn’t have sexual desires. He’s sexually anhedonic at every point of the response loop. He doesn’t ever enjoy or *want* sex with me, so much as…permits. Allows. Endures. To the guest poster with the purple text and the Y_Y faces: We aren’t preferential rapists or sick muppets or w/e. It’s not my fault that you had bad experiences doing sex work. I didn’t cause them and I don’t condone trafficking. You don’t have to project those bad experiences onto somebody elses sexual orientation on the internet who you don’t know. BTW my nerve endings don’t even work right, sexual pleasure is an oxymoron to me and orgasms don’t feel good. Not everyone’s do. Why in the asdfghjjkkll should I have to be willing to sleep with people who enjoy it when I don’t? I have reasons to have sex, none of them involve pleasure and they don’t have to involve pleasure. I had to unflap my yap when I saw this, have not been back to aven in years but wtf, this is vile. Lithosexuals are not doomed to celibacy, we aren’t rapists, we can and do have consensual partnered sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ro482628 Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 I used to identify as lithsexual (I think it is correct to write it so?), for a while. I neeeeever imagined it could be related to rape. 😨 As I imagined it, it was just like "maybe I 'stop' liking someone because they like me back". But... just a thing, I learnt in classes of Sexual Education (I'm a teacher): raping isn't about even sexual attraction. It's about abuse of power. That's why it's completely wrong when they say "they feel attracted to children...". This is difficult even to write. But... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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