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Bubba23

Posing the question to myself

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Bubba23

Hi everyone.  I've been questioning myself since I had recently ended things with my last gf.  It was a long distance relationship, and when I finally went to see her, and we started kissing and stuff... I started feeling really.. awkward.i didn't enjoy it.  I cared for her, and I knew she wanted that, but it did not feel right to me.  It's reminding me of the last time I was in any serious relationship, when I had kissed that girl it freaked me out.  In both cases I ran away and couldn't continue the relationship.  I think I hav a drive... I find women attractive, but when I think about sex... It feels gross in my mind.  And I didn't feel anything.  Any time I've had sex even it didn't even feel like anything special.  Trying the gauge if the ace life is actually where I want to be or if I'm just a coward with relationships.

 

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St. Nyaaconix the II

Hi! Welcome to Aven ^_^! :cake:

 

So you'd say, you feel like being forced to do sex... Whilst you really have no desire from yourself to do it with another person?

 

Or could you imagine that if with a close bond firstly further down a relationship. You could enjoy and desire it?

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Bubba23

That's part of where I'm feeling lost... I had a pretty good bond with her, then when it came to physical stuff it turned me off so quick... She said she enjoyed it but I was feeling awkward and sick the whole time.  Even when I've kissed people before that it felt odd and took away any bond I felt I had at that point.  Some of those have gone on to be really great friendships.  But I feel no desire for a relationship or especially touch

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St. Nyaaconix the II

Have you looked into Aromantic aswell? Maybe that's also a thing that could describe you? :) 

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MichaelTannock

@Bubba23 Welcome to AVEN!

 

There are different types of attraction. You might find this often posted image helpful,

zlo2z.jpg

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

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Ms. Carolynne
10 hours ago, Bubba23 said:

That's part of where I'm feeling lost... I had a pretty good bond with her, then when it came to physical stuff it turned me off so quick... She said she enjoyed it but I was feeling awkward and sick the whole time.  Even when I've kissed people before that it felt odd and took away any bond I felt I had at that point.  Some of those have gone on to be really great friendships.  But I feel no desire for a relationship or especially touch

Is it possible that you could be touch repulsed / averse, or "asensual"? I'm like this myself, I dislike being touched, and don't enjoy stuff like hugs.

 

There's also such a thing as being sex repulsed / sex averse, one doesn't necessarily need to be asexaul to experience this either. From what I understand, it is possible to experience sexual attraction, even though one doesn't enjoy sex in and of itself.

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AceyMacey

The only question you need to ask yourself in terms of being asexual is "have I ever experienced sexual attraction (especially with people you have yet to form a deep emotional bond with first)?" If you have experienced sexual attraction, you might be graysexual or just touch averse, like Ms. Carolynne said above. Regardless of what you end up identifying with, though, just make sure whatever relationship you're in (romantic or otherwise) doesn't make you feel pressured to do things you don't want to do.

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Bubba23
23 hours ago, AceyMacey said:

The only question you need to ask yourself in terms of being asexual is "have I ever experienced sexual attraction (especially with people you have yet to form a deep emotional bond with first)?" If you have experienced sexual attraction, you might be graysexual or just touch averse, like Ms. Carolynne said above. Regardless of what you end up identifying with, though, just make sure whatever relationship you're in (romantic or otherwise) doesn't make you feel pressured to do things you don't want to do.

Thank you both for putting that in terms.  It's been tough and when I've thought about explaining it to my ex I get worried she'll be offended by that... I had told her multiple times that when she wanted sexual intimacy I sometimes couldn't do it.  And when we were physically touching it felt like nothing to me.  I've experienced sexual attraction in my mid to late 20s and early 30s to where I am now where I see s cut girl.  Think shes pretty then br u sure where to go after that.  

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