In a perfect world, representation would look like...

[babblebee]

Hey everyone, I'm an aspec writer with a lot of projects in the works that involve one or more aspec characters. I'm happy to answer questions about my work through messages, etc., but for now, I want to gain some insight into how others in my community wish they could be seen in modern media.

 

I've always felt like I wanted media to celebrate people like me. I think everyone wants that. There's a phenomenon called Identification that describes the way we evaluate our own identities and values in relation to the stories that we hear or otherwise consume. Because that exists, it's so important for everyone to be able to find something they identify with, whether it questions preset values or affirms them.

 

Tell me, then, for either your specific orientations, or for aspec in general: in a perfect world, what would representation look like to you? What kind of characters and stories do you want to see?

[Grimalkin]

I'd like for them to just be a fun, clever character with their own motivations and flaws. I don't need them to be always right, or stereotypically "strong", or what have you.

 

And honestly, for once, I would just like whatever it is that's "unusual" about them- be that sexuality, race, background, etc.- to just be not addressed overmuch. To just be "normal." To be part of the character... and not even part of their backstory necessarily. They don't need trauma because of it.

 

(I mean, unless you're writing the story specifically about that, I suppose. But man, would I ever like an epic fantasy where the hero is just like "oh yeah I don't do sex, whatever.")

[Bri is Me]

I'd love to see a character who is touch-averse like me, but not for any particular reason except that they were born that way.  Not sure how that could be incorporated effectively off the top of my head but it would be an incredible thing to see.

[Winged Whisperer]

A while back I was watching The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and in my head the character Lizbeth really felt like she could be asexual, until well she wasn't and engages in sex. The reason in my mind for her being a good representation would have been that she's a very capable individual. Really though, as someone who deeply cares about representation, what I want is paradoxical at face value. I want the character's asexuality to be both an important aspect of their character while also not being their defining feature. Ideally though, I'd like problems ace people face to be portrayed and represented well too, like how a mixed couple can handle their relationship. At the same time I'd also want the character to be interesting irregardless of their sexual identity.

[iam135]

I agree with a lot of what Grimalkin said - I'd just like to see a nifty character who doesn't get involved with people sexually or romantically. And maybe someone who's not the stereotypical loner asexual character. There's nothing wrong with a character being quiet or introverted - I actually consider myself an introvert (albeit a fairly outgoing one) - but it seems like a lot of asexual/aromantic characters tend to fall into the "I absolutely must be alone at all times and I trust no one because of my Tragic Backstory TM" trope, which is a little tired at this point.

 

I'd love to hear what sort of characters you come up with! AVEN's Open Mic would be a great place to share your work, if you feel comfortable doing so 😊.

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

Asexuality’s not a spectrum but I want to see a story about a cupioromantic aro ace (person of color) looking for a queerplatonic relationship. This is where he tries to understand his differences with the majority of society and trying to understand what he wants exactly. He figures it out after soul searching it and does online dating. Eventually he finds the person he’s looking for and they explore their relationship in between friendship and typical romance

[babblebee]

17 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

I'd like for them to just be a fun, clever character with their own motivations and flaws. I don't need them to be always right, or stereotypically "strong", or what have you.

 

And honestly, for once, I would just like whatever it is that's "unusual" about them- be that sexuality, race, background, etc.- to just be not addressed overmuch. To just be "normal." To be part of the character... and not even part of their backstory necessarily. They don't need trauma because of it.

 

(I mean, unless you're writing the story specifically about that, I suppose. But man, would I ever like an epic fantasy where the hero is just like "oh yeah I don't do sex, whatever.")

Grimalkin, I fall into the same mindset. It's often really confusing for people to hear me say that representation loses some of its integrity if it makes any type of difference (sexuality, race, neurodiversity) the focal point in a way that glorifies it.

 

I think that both ends of the spectrum -- idolization and condescension (i.e. "finding a cure") -- have dehumanizing effects.

 

That said, I think it's possible to do a story that's fantasy-based and involves aspec as a plot point in a more respectful way. For example, one of my main characters for the soft fantasy I'm writing is completely aro-ace, which makes her impervious to love spells and any kind of trap involving sirens or succubi.

[babblebee]

17 hours ago, Bri is Me said:

I'd love to see a character who is touch-averse like me, but not for any particular reason except that they were born that way.  Not sure how that could be incorporated effectively off the top of my head but it would be an incredible thing to see.

Thanks for your thoughts! Touch aversion isn't something I had given much thought to, as I'm not touch-averse and am down for hugs, cuddles, and pats on the head. I'm glad that I asked this question, because I wouldn't have thought to include it in characterization otherwise.

 

I think the way I would include a touch-averse character in a story would be for them to vocalize that they prefer not to be touched, but if it's not going to be that straightforward, I think they'd show by their actions through the story that they can give respect and form platonic bonds with other people in many other ways besides touch. They could make friends with someone and not ever hug them, but instead, give gifts, lots of smiles, work on projects together, and otherwise show appreciation for their company.

[babblebee]

17 hours ago, Winged Whisperer said:

A while back I was watching The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and in my head the character Lizbeth really felt like she could be asexual, until well she wasn't and engages in sex. The reason in my mind for her being a good representation would have been that she's a very capable individual. Really though, as someone who deeply cares about representation, what I want is paradoxical at face value. I want the character's asexuality to be both an important aspect of their character while also not being their defining feature. Ideally though, I'd like problems ace people face to be portrayed and represented well too, like how a mixed couple can handle their relationship. At the same time I'd also want the character to be interesting irregardless of their sexual identity.

I think, a lot of the time, non-aspec writers subconsciously relegate asexuality to a part of the story where it's a point of weakness. Sometimes, they associate asexuality with a fundamental inability to connect with other people because of anxiety, insecurity, or tendency to shut other people out. I don't think your description is paradoxical, because it's the same representation that allosexual people are given on a daily basis. It is fully possible, and it's something more writers should take the time to learn about, aspec or otherwise.

 

Sexuality is only a tiny part of the human experience, at least in my opinion. It's possible to show an allosexual person engaging with sex, but also having a successful career, loving friends, and interesting hobbies. With asexuality, though, writers tend to narrow in on sexuality and say "what am I supposed to do about all of this?" Allosexual characters are rarely reduced to solely sexuality, yet that reduction to sexuality is what stops writers from writing asexual characters. It's a double standard.

[babblebee]

15 hours ago, iam135 said:

I agree with a lot of what Grimalkin said - I'd just like to see a nifty character who doesn't get involved with people sexually or romantically. And maybe someone who's not the stereotypical loner asexual character. There's nothing wrong with a character being quiet or introverted - I actually consider myself an introvert (albeit a fairly outgoing one) - but it seems like a lot of asexual/aromantic characters tend to fall into the "I absolutely must be alone at all times and I trust no one because of my Tragic Backstory TM" trope, which is a little tired at this point.

 

I'd love to hear what sort of characters you come up with! AVEN's Open Mic would be a great place to share your work, if you feel comfortable doing so 😊.

I like this observation! I feel silly sometimes nerding out over my own work, but I'm trying to achieve that confidence with the main character of my current novel. She's pretty stable in herself, willing to talk about her interests, etc. She is an introvert by nature, but is willing to interact with people, and that introversion doesn't come from self-doubt or insecurity. She does have a dark past in some areas, but her aspec identity is thoroughly of her own character, and if she doesn't trust people, it's because she's a good judge of character.

 

With aspec identities, and especially arospec ones (in my experiences -- I don't want to speak for a whole here), I think that people have an amazing capacity to love platonically that allo people often miss. I'm arospec (don't know quite where yet) and I find myself being absolutely enamored with the little things about people in just about everyone I meet. I've been asked how I can be so open and thoughtful to other people, when the truth is, it's just how I am. I think for someone who is arospec, a good analogy would be that all the energy relegated to romantic love in an alloromantic person is actually relegated to platonic love.

 

This, again, isn't meant to be objective. I cannot speak for the whole community; it's just what I've experienced. I understand that there are people who are aplatonic, as well. That capacity for empowered platonic love is one that I'm hoping to capture in my novel, though!

 

As for Open Mic -- I'd love to post something there soon! My novel is still in the baby stages. I may post an excerpt later on, but I think that with all the valuable insight I've gotten here, I've been inspired to write a short story, so I could post that in its entirety.

[babblebee]

2 hours ago, Star Lion said:

Asexuality’s not a spectrum but I want to see a story about a cupioromantic aro ace (person of color) looking for a queerplatonic relationship. This is where he tries to understand his differences with the majority of society and trying to understand what he wants exactly. He figures it out after soul searching it and does online dating. Eventually he finds the person he’s looking for and they explore their relationship in between friendship and typical romance

Hey there, thanks for your thoughts! I think queerplatonic relationships are something that creators should really explore more. Also, the journey of self-discovery is one that aspec people undergo to the same degrees as allo people. Some people (both aspec and allo) know from a young age what they like, and stick with it through adulthood. Others spend a lot of time trying to figure out what they want. For yet more people, their aceness or alloness is fluid, but in every fluid stage, they are equally secure and sure that it's what they want.

 

I also think that asexual men in particular are a demographic a lot of writers want to overlook, because males in our society are stereotyped as being hypersexual and one-track minded, when, in the majority of the guys I've personally talked to about this, that's simply not the case. There's a lot more to the human existence than sex, even for allosexual people.

 

One thing I am curious about, though -- what do you mean by "asexuality's not a spectrum?" To my understanding, asexuality is very much a spectrum. I fluctuate between ace and demi occasionally. Mostly, I just stick with grey-ace.

[sjaime]

Have you seen Bojack Horseman? I think Todd Chavez is a great representation of a sex-repulsed asexual person. He is well established as a character having his own strengths and flaws well before his sexuality (and the problems that sometimes come with it) is even explored. Then, there's a time where he dates another asexual person. Of course, this is just one part of the ace spectrum, so it would be great if different types of asexuality were seen in media, but I do think the writers did a great job with that particular type of asexual representation.

 

I like it when characters are more than just their sexuality yet you can also see the struggles that they go through and thus see that it's not all super simple just because you might not feel sexual attraction often or at all.

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

@babblebee

Definitely. Queerplatonic relations is something even a lot of ace/aro people don’t know about. Also that’s the thing with men in society. As a man myself, it feels like every set of eyes of strangers is looking at me automatically judging me as a predatory ready to hunt down the next person. I say person of color too because people of color are highly under represented and most things I see are like 95% full of white people. 

 

On the spectrum part its as simple as this: definitions. Asexuals have never experienced sexual attraction. If you’ve experienced sexual attraction before, you’re allo whether greysexual or not. You can’t have a spectrum of 0, therefore we are a community and not a spectrum of asexuality. You also can’t fluctuate between demi and ace because asexuality is basically no sexuality while demisexual is basically sexuality potentially after developing an emotional connection

[babblebee]

Just now, Star Lion said:

@babblebee

Definitely. Queerplatonic relations is something even a lot of ace/aro people don’t know about. Also that’s the thing with men in society. As a man myself, it feels like every set of eyes of strangers is looking at me automatically judging me as a predatory ready to hunt down the next person. I say person of color too because people of color are highly under represented and most things I see are like 95% full of white people. 

 

On the spectrum part its as simple as this: definitions. Asexuals have never experienced sexual attraction. If you’ve experienced sexual attraction before, you’re allo whether greysexual or not. You can’t have a spectrum of 0, therefore we are a community and not a spectrum of asexuality. You also can’t fluctuate between demi and ace because asexuality is basically no sexuality while demisexual is basically sexuality potentially after developing an emotional connection

Thanks for your answer! I hadn't thought about asexuality like this before. I am glad to have learned something new!

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

7 minutes ago, babblebee said:

Thanks for your answer! I hadn't thought about asexuality like this before. I am glad to have learned something new!

No problem. I was talking with people about it which made me realize this, so now I’m just trying to spread this information and get the community to understand it

[Grimalkin]

5 hours ago, babblebee said:

That said, I think it's possible to do a story that's fantasy-based and involves aspec as a plot point in a more respectful way. For example, one of my main characters for the soft fantasy I'm writing is completely aro-ace, which makes her impervious to love spells and any kind of trap involving sirens or succubi. 

No way, I was actually almost going to throw in the siren thing as an aside! Go for it. I love the idea that aro/ace people are immune to magic love charms.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'd love to see an objectum (a)sexual; I can't think of a single respectful representation anywhere (except a tiny amount of OS-directed documentaries).

[AroaceScriptette]

I'm aromantic asexual and tbh I just want a book or a movie or something where it's not all about romantic love and sex. I want a main character to be aro ace and for them to still be human (like I picture sherlock in some adaptations to be aro ace but he always comes across quite robot-like and irritating)  

[Three]

In a perfect world, it'd just be a regular character with a regular story except there'd just be no romantic interest, or if there is, the aromanticism would be addressed with as much normalcy as possible!