themightyi

Can anyone relate...?

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themightyi

Apologies if this is long.... trying to figure everything out.

 

So I've been thinking for a while now that I might be asexual. I've always masturbated on a fairly frequent basis, but as I moved away from my hormonal teenage years and stopped being horribly depressed all the time (thank you, antidepressants!), the pleasures of masturbating/sex slowly started to fade into the background. I started dating my first serious boyfriend almost two years ago, and for almost the entire first year we were together, I struggled hardcore with my sex drive. I switched antidepressants, questioned my sexuality, saw a therapist, and tried everything I could think of, because my boyfriend is a very sexual person and he felt like my lack of sex drive was because maybe I wasn't really attracted to him, or maybe I just didn't trust him enough, or something of the sort. Anyway, eventually things finally ended up working, and now we have sex on a fairly regular basis... and I honestly don't enjoy it a lot? I think the rush of endorphins I get during/after sex are mostly a result of me being happy that I'm pleasing my boyfriend more than me actually feeling any pleasure... I honestly can't remember the last time I've orgasmed when we've done sexual stuff, and whenever I think about the possibility of having sex, I don't think, "Ugh yes, that'll feel so good," I think, "It's been a few days since we did anything, so if we have sex tonight that'll make him feel good, and then maybe the next couple days when he has to work late, it won't be such a big deal if we don't do anything before bed." I still do masturbate every now and then, but it's usually around the time of my period (when my emotions/hormones are going crazy), and I never think of my boyfriend -- instead, I prefer to think of a celebrity I have a huge crush on. 

 

The reason I felt inspired to write this post today is because last night, my roommate had a girl over and she stayed the night and apparently they did some sexual stuff, and they were worried they were loud (my boyfriend and I share a two-bedroom apartment with said roommate). Thankfully, I slept really hard last night and didn't hear anything, so they didn't keep me awake -- but something about knowing our roommate had a girl over and knowing they had sex makes me feel... weird. Like, really weird. To the point where every time I've thought about it since last night, I instantly get frustrated and wish I could just move out of this apartment. I've also noticed that any time my boyfriend talks about sex in any capacity (whether it's about us having sex, someone he knows having sex, someone in a TV show or movie, etc.), I get uncomfortable and want him to shut up. My boyfriend and roommate have been into this show on Netflix about the pornography industry, and every time they put it on, I instantly get this weird, upset feeling in my stomach and I just want to tell them to turn it off. The same thing happens when one of them makes a sexual joke, or we're watching some other TV show or movie and the topic of sex comes up. It's like any time I'm around someone else and the subject switches to sex in any capacity, I get all weirded out and want the conversation to change ASAP. But whenever I'm all by myself and I read stuff on social media about sex or something, I don't feel anything weird or uncomfortable. It's only really whenever I'm around other people in-person that I start feeling weird.

 

I can't help but wonder if maybe this is just another sign that I'm asexual -- whenever people around me start talking about sex, I instantly feel weird and uncomfortable because I know can't relate to them, and my sexual experience is very limited so I have nothing to contribute to the conversation, and I just don't really want to think about it in general. And whenever my boyfriend starts talking about sex, I feel even more upset, because I know I barely enjoy having sex with him, but he LOVES having sex with me and probably wishes we could do it more often (which of course makes me feel like I'm "not good enough").

 

TLDR; My personal experience with sex has been pretty underwhelming, and I think I might be asexual (or at least somewhere on the ace spectrum). Can anyone else relate to feeling uncomfortable and weirded out whenever they're with friends and the topic of sex comes up, even though you still masturbate and have sexual fantasies?

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TheAP

It sounds like you could be asexual. Many asexuals have sex to please a partner, without actually wanting it for themselves. It's also common for asexuals to be repulsed by hearing people talk about sex.

 

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That Demi Mammoth

I'm not a huge fan of sexual conversations either when in person, but I too am neutral when online. My theory behind it is that when in person you can't really ignore or not take part in the conversation without seeming rude, so it feels like you have to talk. When online on social media you have the ability to comment, but nobody will know or care if you don't, so you can happily ignore anything that makes you uncomfortable.

 

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St. Nyaaconix the II

Mhmm I get this a lot, not being able to relate about sexual things. And am uncomfortable with it being near me when others are present. 

 

But I do masturbate sometimes... To get rid of the urge and then be wtf about it. 

 

I am not repulsed by sexual material... I have some myself. But it is more sensually and visually. Rather than picturing intercourse itself because that turns me off. 

... 

 

When I picture myself and another person... It's NOPE. 

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Kimmie.

I am similar to Nyaaconix.

I masturbate but not because it feels good but because i like the fantasys that comes up in my head then. And thinking of me having sex is a big nooooo. I can read erotic stories ( i like makeout sence more then sex ones) but watching actual porn is a big no, sex just turns everything of. 

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jorhrubens

kkk

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kilominata

I Can hardly relate to that, if it might change anything, I am currently 21yrs old but every time I hear about some sexual content I am feeling like it's not conversation for me, that I hope the topic will be changed. Yet I masturbate sometimes to relief, but I actually does not have pleasure out of it, back this year I was with a person I loved, but it was hard for us both, I seen how much he needs it... How much he wants something but I do not, finally one day I forced myself to make him have pleasure at my cost, felt terrible for that, I couldn't look at myself, I lost all values for myself, felt like I am shit because I did it... It ended this relationship where he wanted just to use me and leave.. to the topic, I feel the same and relate so much but I hope you will be happy person! ^_^

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kaysir

I can definitely relate, though there are people who I enjoy speaking about sexual topics with, but mainly I get a little grossed out or irritated if someone is talking about sex around me.

 

5 hours ago, jorhrubens said:

kkk

We talking ㅋㅋㅋ or white hoods here?

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SiouxieQ

This is incredibly relatable.  I am married but even before we got married,  I only did it to make him happy.  Taking about sex makes me uncomfortable but i'm not sure if it's because of... things in my past or not. Maybe I am Ace. More than being uncomfortable talking about sex, I just don't even consider it. It's not remotely interesting.  I feel like the world's worst wife. An (potentially) asexual agoraphobic with severe social anxiety. He sure picked a winner. Smfh

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elubin12

Hi,

 

 My partner and I have been together for a couple of years. During that time, she has pressure to me to have sex with her by first thing into tears when ever I said  no. It's gotten to the point where I just have sex with her even though I don't want to. Literally today I just looked up the definitions of sexuality and found  The term for gray-A. I think this is who I am, I think I've always been this way. But, I'm afraid if I embrace this, i'll be alone again. From what I've read so far, sounds like I'm not the only one on this boat. What do I do?

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