leeluvssquids

How did you know you’re asexual?

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leeluvssquids

Anywhere on the spectrum. Ace, demi, gray, etc. I’ve been having trouble with understanding my sexuality for a year, which isn’t that long compared to others, but as part of my soul searching I think it would help to hear other people’s stories. 

 

And before someone says it, yes I know I should probably go with the flow and let my sexuality come to me naturally, it’s just that I’m a teenager and it seems so important to everyone. They can understand, I want to too.

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Falco Peregrinus

Hi @leeluvssquids! I'm in my teen years as well, so I consider myself pretty darn lucky that I stumbled across asexuality at this point in my life. It could've been much later, but I that's why I love the internet :). I basically figured it out because I was never interested in anything that my (read: real life, allo) friends were interested in when it came to sex and really just relationships in general. I wanted to have really great friends, but people always talked about going out or getting laid. I had run across the term "asexual" a looooong time ago, and I did a bit of research, because I could not figure out why I felt so... different. I read the definition (on AVEN, actually), and something just clicked. Like I said, I definitely got lucky. Still figuring out the nitpicky stuff (especially the romantic part of the equation), but I feel like I'm really fortunate to at least be somewhat certain about my asexuality.

 

So... that's my overly long-winded story. I guess that doesn't really help you with your journey, but maybe... keep looking, I guess. I wish you the best in your discovery process! Feel free to DM me to chat about anything!

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blunose2772

I started to think I was in High School when all my classmates were getting to relationships. I never had any interest in anything like. It was confirmed in my early 20's when the girlfriend I had at the time was trying to get me to have sex. In mind a red light off followed the robot from Lost In Space saying "DANGER WILL ROBINSON." looking for any way to kill the mood I randomly started singing the "Where in the world is Carmen Sandeigo" theme song. It wasn't until about a year ago I was able to add a label.

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Alpha Bear

Looking back, I have lived like an asexual most of my life but did not realize it until quite recently.  I had always gotten into romantic relationships because I felt pressured to, like it was "the thing to do."  They inevitably failed when I could no longer fake it and I would tell myself that I just needed to meet the right person.  It wasn't until a roommate posed the question that I may be ace that I realized it.  This was about 2 months ago and I now fully identify as ace aro publicly.  I am not 100% positive about the aro part but the exploration phase, as trying as it might be, is very important.

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St. Nyaaconix the II

Being @ 31-32, virgin, never really urged/desired for that kind of intimacy with another person. Let alone, having had a relationship at all. I started trying out dating sites, because dating IRL never worked for me... 

 

Then through some magic of finding another AVENite.. I ended up here :D. Somehow feeling glad that there are so many more people like me on this site. 

 

 

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Kimmie.

I was looking for help to why i didnt feel like others  explained that they did in there teens, and just triped over the word asexuality looked it up, did some "are you asexual test" and later found this place. And the rest is as they say history.

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Gizamaluke

I was sitting on a train and realised everyone was equally attractive, then realised that also meant they were equally non-attractive, and remembered the term Asexual as a tiny sentence on a website about sexuality. Then years later joined Aven.

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Winged Whisperer

I'd been in relationship with my S.O for 4 years and besides the very first time, I never initiated or really wanted sex, so I thought to myself, "well yeah, maybe you're not so normal as you thought." And then like the whole dominoes started falling down that made me see all the traits and signs that had been present since forever.

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MichaelTannock

I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found they bewildered me.

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Tame One

In my mid-thirties (a month ago), from a book from an author who is aro-ace (Claudie Arsenault), but with a character who is aromantic allosexual. That character is described as having a sexual attraction on another character, but reading it I was confused and assumed that the character was being revealed as alloromantic (or gray/demi) after all because the only thing like what was being described that I had ever experienced was romantic attraction. And then I realized, wait, what, am I asexual?

 

Of course, that was just the start of the journey and I went looking to see just how accurate the depiction of sexual attraction was, looking to see how it's described by allosexuals especially.

 

I would probably have figured it out earlier but my partner (who I've been with for years and who is the only person I dated) is also asexual and while I'm sex-favorable they're usually sex neutral or sometimes sex repulsed, so by comparison with them it always seemed that, of course I'm allosexual.

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AceyMacey

Honestly, for the majority of my life, I was an oblivious nincompoop. I didn't really think sex was a huge part of other people's lives, and so I didn't think I was "different" or "broken." I hadn't had a crush at any point, but didn't think it too odd. Then, when my friend came out to me as ace, I looked into it more and realized that I was different from a lot of people around me. It filled in a lot of question marks in my past that I hadn't even realized were there. All it took was a strange awakening to realize it.

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desMarie

I was pretty confused about my sexuality for a while. At first, I thought I might be bisexual because I thought that men and women were both physically attractive. My grasp of different types of attractions was pretty limited at that point. But that didn't seem right, and I couldn't picture myself having a romantic relationship with a woman. So for a long time, I just thought I was heterosexual and would want to have sex when I found someone that I was madly in love with. That never quite happened, even though I did have some pretty strong romantic attractions here and there. Eventually, I stumbled on a post about asexuality and was kind of floored with how well it described what I had experienced.

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Slimer509

I was fortunate enough to grow up on social media, and I knew the term 'asexual' by seventh grade. Right around that same time, a bunch of my friends started hopping into relationships, and I was just like... yeah, I'm not about that. When I started high school, I started coming here, and found a lot of people with similar experiences, which was super validating and allowed me to kind of properly come out to myself.

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œddy

..because I finally bothered googling the term in my mid-thirties this year. Guess we've still got a long way to go to make people aware of it!

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Mondaye

Because I had a very deep platonic love. And I was very confused about it, because even though for years I knew I had no interest in sexe whatsoever , I though I might just be "late". 

 

I did some googling on how handle it as not to scare him away since he's straight and he started going out with another, and I still wanted to be close to him ( but not in the kissing/cuddling area either). Because I wondered if you should ever declare a platonic love. 

 

I skimmed through articles and in one of them this word appeared: asexual. So I looked into it and I realized that I should stop worrying about "not having reached sexual maturity yet" or similar stupid well thinking sentences. Because I'm definitively ace.

 

The other pont is how as a teenager could I have guessed I was ace

 

The answer is "with much difficulties" because I had my first squish/crush as I was 12. 

But oddly I did not wanted him to kiss me. I mean as I was a bit of a scapegoat I tended to hide myself in the corridors and the stairs, which was the places people were "experimenting" kisses. And I did not feel temptation to have this kind of experience with him. I just wanted him to notice him, to share deep conversation with him, to be able to trust him, and having him trust me.

And for the sexe part... well even less. When we had our classes about sexuality when I was 13, I was kind of really taken aback. I did not even understand why people would want to have sexe appart for having children. I did not understand why they felt this need to ward us with warning about how you are supposed to protect you when having a sexual relationship. At this time though, I though sexual desire was something supposed to arrive much later, like when I reach majority. Cause it all felt to strange to me.

 

And then I kind of stop thinking about it. I still felt very awkward when people were doing jokes about sexuality because I did not understand why they were so obsessed with it. Or why this need to have so many naked bodies in movies or books. It all felt very remote.

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