To Ace or not to Ace?

Sexual fantasies about my friend. WTF?

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To Ace or not to Ace?

(Maybe TMI, I'm about to talk briefly about masturbation)

 

Okay, so for like the last year, I've been gradually coming to the realisation that I'm asexual or at least on the asexual spectrum. I've had crushes on people but never really had any desire to have sex with them. I have however had quite a lot of sexual fantasies, not about specific people but rather the idea of different acts with no one in particular. When I say sexual fantasies though I don't just mean normal vanilla sex, basically what I'm getting at is that in my mind I'm hella kinky but don't actually have any desire to act these fantasies out in real life.

Recently though, I've had a been fantasizing about a girl that I know and consider to be a good friend. I don't have romantic feelings for her and I don't really have any kind of sexual attraction to her either, I think she's nice, fun to cuddle with when drunk but that's it. But sometimes when I'm masturbating, she'll pop into my head and I'll just kinda go along with it and imagine the two of us just having normal vanilla sex together, but when I've finished, I'm immediately disgusted by these thoughts and don't understand how I could possibly have them as they seem to  go against everything I believe about myself. Even writing about it now, I'm thinking "no, that can't possibly be right, why would I think that?" but I know that I have. She lives in a different city and I haven't seen or even really spoken to her in months so I don't know if it's just me missing her and my stupid brain is getting confused and turning it sexual or what.  All I know is that I have no romantic or sexual feelings towards her whatsoever until I'm masturbating and then it goes away again the instant I finish.

Anyway, so I guess my question is what's up with that and is there anyway I can stop it. Tbh, if I could just turn my sex drive off all together I would because it's done nothing but annoy, confuse and embarrass me since I was about 12.

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MichaelTannock

@To Ace or not to Ace? Welcome to AVEN!

 

As a general rule, fantasies don't count.

If you're never drawn to desire sex with someone, then you're Asexual, even if you masturbate and have sexual fantasies.

 

You might find this post helpful if you haven't read it already,

 

As for your question, I don't know of a way to stop such intrusive thoughts.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

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Light02

I'm the same way, if you enjoy any kind of porn/have sexual fantasies, etc. but you don't want to engage with anyone sexually in real life that's called either aegosexual or autochorissexual.

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kaysir
3 hours ago, Light02 said:

I'm the same way, if you enjoy any kind of porn/have sexual fantasies, etc. but you don't want to engage with anyone sexually in real life that's called either aegosexual or autochorissexual.

Or just asexual.

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Light02
11 hours ago, kaysir said:

Or just asexual.

Yeah, I personally do call myself simply asexual but if you wanted to get more specific about it there are the labels I suggested.

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roland.o
21 hours ago, To Ace or not to Ace? said:

when I've finished, I'm immediately disgusted by these thoughts

It's not uncommon that being aroused changes the way people think about sexual activities.

 

21 hours ago, To Ace or not to Ace? said:

they seem to  go against everything I believe about myself

There might be unexplored facets to your personality. I hope you'll come to terms with yourself. Keep in mind that you don't have control over your feelings, but it is your choice how you act. Accept the feelings as they come, and act according to your beliefs.

 

All the best to you... :cake::cake::cake::D

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Charna
23 hours ago, To Ace or not to Ace? said:

(Maybe TMI, I'm about to talk briefly about masturbation)

Fantasies are not reflective of reality. It is entirely possible that you enjoy imaging sex with your friend, but would not enjoy having sex with her in reality, or do not even desire her. That is not unusual. Your mind might be simply conjuring her up because you know her and feel safe around her.

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