How do you know if you are nonbinary?

[Flute16]

What exactly does it feel like to be a nonbinary person? Does it involve gender dysphoria? I don't know much about nonbinary identities, so I'm trying to figure out what exactly it all is like.

[IamZe Capzican]

I'm not too sure either, but i do know that you have to experience at least some dysphoria, even if its just social, mental but not physical. That's how I feel myself anyway.

[Lichley]

It’s some kind of dysphoria towards your own physical gender, but knowing that being the other gender wouldn’t help. The type of dysphoria can vary a lot from person to person though from pronoun dysphoria, to physical dysphoria to subtle gender dysphoria. 

This page in particular is useful in discussing subtle gender dysphoria: 

https://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/75333093314/the-more-subtle-kind-of-gender-dysphoria

[Karst]

On the other hand, discomfort with some gendered things doesn't mean that you can't identify with that gender more broadly.  This especially applies to aspects of gender forced on people by sexism.  You don't have to be emotionally repressed to be a man, for example.

[Light02]

I made an "Ask a Non-binary Person" thread a little while ago, maybe you can read through the questions and answers and get a better understanding of the identity? 

Also, if you want to, you can, of course, ask  questions.

[Flute16]

5 hours ago, Ardoise said:

On the other hand, discomfort with some gendered things doesn't mean that you can't identify with that gender more broadly.  This especially applies to aspects of gender forced on people by sexism.  You don't have to be emotionally repressed to be a man, for example.

Thank you. 😊 

[kaysir]

Nonbinary means different things for everyone. While it can be used to represent one gender, it is also an umbrella term which means many, many different genders can be described as nonbinary.

 

It's complicated, but here are simple ways to word a few non binary situations. For some people it's just a sense of otherness from men and women, for some it's how they want to be seen, for some it's synonymous with being largly gender nonconforming, and there are tons more descriptions for it other than those.

 

I personally debated going by cisgenderless, then gender non-conforming female, genderqueer (which some people see as nb), then gender-nonconforming male, and now I'm at genderfluid and I classify myself as nonbinary, lol.

 

I didn't understand why people viewed me as a girl and I increasingly wanted to be read as male over the years, but I also didn't want to be seen as only male. I tried embracing gender roles for both of the binary genders and was repulsed, but then I came to understand that men and women do not have to fit those roles, and that nb people didn't have to fit any roles either.

 

I could revert to identifying s binary one day, but for now I feel respected and pleased when referred to with different pronouns and gendered terms at any given time, so I've mostly settled on calling myself fluid and nb. Pronouns don't dictate gender and there can be binary "he/they" women and "they/she" men as well as "she/he" nbs, but for me the particular wording I desire at the moment often seems to indicate a gender fluctuation.

[Tame One]

There's a lot of pushback against dysphoria as a definition for any kind of trans identity. And, to be clear, discomfort is not the same as dysphoria. I have experienced gender related discomfort--I dislike people telling me to conform to my perceived gender. But what I've experienced more of is gender euphoria which is that I feel really good when I get to express myself in ways that aren't expected based on my assigned gender.

[General]

On Sunday, December 02, 2018 at 2:05 PM, Flute16 said:

What exactly does it feel like to be a nonbinary person? Does it involve gender dysphoria? I don't know much about nonbinary identities, so I'm trying to figure out what exactly it all is like.

I can only speak for myself, as nonbinary people aren't all the same.

 

I was assigned female at birth, but I do not feel like a woman or man in my mind.  Nothing internally tells me that I am one of the two in the conventional binary.  I am another gender outside of that binary completely.  Honestly, I don't fully relate to either men or women.  There is no sense of belonging, no unity, no feelings of connection to womanhood/sisterhood or manhood/brotherhood within me.  None of that means anything to me personally.

 

Dysphoria is something I do experience.  I feel invisible when people misgender me.  It makes me cringe to be referred to as a woman or a man.  I feel offended.  There's of course nothing wrong with being a man or a woman, but I am neither.  It's like someone calling you by a name that isn't yours.  Also, my body doesn't align with my brain.  Female puberty was atrocious.  I do not enjoy the female secondary sex characteristics one bit.  I'd much rather have my prepubescent physique.  

 

Another issue I must address is, I do not consider myself to be trans.  I don't fit all of the criteria.  Contrary to popular belief, everyone who isn't cisgender isn't automatically transgender.  Some nonbinary people do consider themselves trans, which is fine.  However, I am only nonbinary not trans nonbinary.

 

I hope this gives you some insight. 👍

[Just Somebody]

Gender identity are just words you feel more comfortable for whatever reasons being referred as at the moment or the box you feel more comfortable and better represented being inside as the moment.... that's it, pretty simple.

 

 

(As for me... after being influenced by all the bio-psycho-socio-cultural-historic baggage of memories that my life gave me, at the moment (i just gave up trying to hold to stuff so I don't know what the future may be)  and for a long while I've been calling myself non-binary for my gender identity because I feel more comfortable for the reasons i gave above and I also feel more represented and comfortable are other non-binary people).... just that 

 

 

 

Gender expression is what other people get to perceive on you (your behaviors,  your name and pronouns,  your body and biological sex,  your clothes, etc)

 

[Dawning]

There is NO dysphoria, discomfort, or trans-ness required to be non-binary!!!! Being non-binary means not having a perception of gender that is exclusively male or exclusively female, and NOTHING ELSE! 

[Cobie]

25 minutes ago, Dawning said:

There is NO dysphoria, discomfort, or trans-ness required to be non-binary!!!! Being non-binary means not having a perception of gender that is exclusively male or exclusively female, and NOTHING ELSE! 

I totally agree. 😊

[Celyn: The Lutening]

On 12/3/2018 at 12:12 AM, Lichley said:

It’s some kind of dysphoria towards your own physical gender, but knowing that being the other gender wouldn’t help. 

Some of us lean towards binary though, but although, say, being male would help and alleviate my dysphoria, it wouldn't eliminate it and it would feel stifling eventually because I have some fluidity. 

[no-longer-in-use]

It's basically not being totally happy with your AGAB, but not feeling quite like the opposite gender either. That's the simplest way of explaining it.

 

2 minutes ago, Celyn said:

Some of us lean towards binary though, but although, say, being male would help and alleviate my dysphoria, it wouldn't eliminate it and it would feel stifling eventually because I have some fluidity. 

 

Yeah, good point. I think I would be slightly less dysphoric if I had a male body, but probably not totally happy because I also experience fluidity.

[Lichley]

3 hours ago, Celyn said:

Some of us lean towards binary though, but although, say, being male would help and alleviate my dysphoria, it wouldn't eliminate it and it would feel stifling eventually because I have some fluidity. 

I meant non-binary as the umbrella term rather than the specific label.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

7 hours ago, Lichley said:

I meant non-binary as the umbrella term rather than the specific label.

Yeah your explanation  was a good generalisation, I just thought to clarify that not everyone is right in the middle.

[Overthehill]

On 12/2/2018 at 5:05 PM, Flute16 said:

What exactly does it feel like to be a nonbinary person? Does it involve gender dysphoria? I don't know much about nonbinary identities, so I'm trying to figure out what exactly it all is like.

For me it feels normal. During my younger years when not dodging molesters I accepted either role, male or female as my mood suited. I remember doing this all the way back to my 4th year of life. This most likely drove my mother nuts as this started in the early 50's when such behavior could led to the loony bin. School officials frowned on such actions which could be one of the reasons I attended so many different schools. BUT all the while my behavior was natural to me. When I was 16 I passed enough as female to do erotic dancing and a couple years later passed as a male and served in the military for 4 years. I never really went through puberty and to this day the only body hair I have is on my head and that's rather fine and thin. My voice is a bit deep and raspy, probably from having my larynx crushed in my early 20's.

Although there were times (3) that were very trying, for the most, especially more recent that I am totally comfortable with who and what I am.