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meisperson

Need some advice

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meisperson

Hello all!

 

I am a 23 year old male and I have desire to be romantic with others for sure, I have had a couple sexual relationships in the past one of which had things turned sour due to the fact that the other person would frequently continue to make advances despite my telling them no. I would allow them to continue to get the process over with. It has been about 3 years now since that relationship and I have begun to see another girl whom I like and enjoy spending time with. They are great about respecting boundaries so far, and I think I would like to have sex with them but each time we are intimate I will get turned off whenever they move to give me oral, I am uncircumcised and am very sensitive there. I do not want to disappoint her and I would like to learn to be with her. I am just so unsure of where I am, I have thought about being asexual in the past, and sex has never been a priority in my life. I have never gone so far to actually have sex and I don't really know if it is even anything I want. We have discussed my past relationships but not gone into detail about how much of a gray area sex is for me.

 

I think there a lot of factors at play that leads to me being turned off by their advances, I don't know if it is because my mind is getting in the way of enjoying it, my body doesn't like or what. I was hoping that you all would have advice or share your own experiences to help me figure out what is going on. Thank you.

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lonelyace

You sound like you're almost definitely asexual, and unfortunately, there's really no way of knowing what, if anything, causes that. My best advice for you would be to be honest with your girlfriend. Tell her that you might be asexual and definitely don't like sex, and work together with her to decide what the two of you want to do about that.

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Grimalkin

Well, the good news is that the focus doesn't have to be on you. If you would like to be with her, but aren't interested in having her go down on you, tell her that. Even some allosexual people don't enjoy oral or various other sexual activities. Everybody is different and entitled to their own likes and dislikes.

 

The first thing I would say is get the "talk" out of the way. Explain that you think you may be ace or grey-ace, explain what that MEANS (so that your partner doesn't misunderstand or immediately jump to insecurity), and say you're still exploring everything. Trust me, don't put this off.

 

Next, tell her that you aren't particularly keen on oral, but that you would like to learn how to pleasure her. Women love a guy who can get her off without normal penetrative sex. In fact, quite a lot of women can't orgasm from PIV sex at all. Knowing how to use your tongue or fingers will be such a valuable thing.

 

Keep communication open at all times, so she can know when you're uncomfortable, and you can know when you're doing something she doesn't like... or something she really does.

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roland.o

Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, @meisperson. Have some cake... :cake::cake::D

 

On 12/2/2018 at 6:58 PM, meisperson said:

and I think I would like to have sex with them

If you want to explore a sexual relationship with them, how about making a list of things you'd like to try or not try?

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/yes_no_maybe_so_a_sexual_inventory_stocklist

 

All the best to you! :cake::cake::cake:

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