Think im demisexual (maybe idk help)

[Sadbitch9000]

Ok so recently I've been questioning my sexuality. I've done a bit of research online and I've been looking at all these terms under asexuality. One term I feel that may relate to me is the heteroromantic demisexual. I'm a girl and I know that I like guys, I'm attracted to them, I've had boyfriends and I know I am romantically interested and attracted in guys. I do not believe I am interested the same way in girls though (I've had very short girl crushes that only lasted like 2 or 3 days, other than that I don't feel interested in dating girls or having any sexual contact with girls.

 

My last boyfriend I was with, I think we had some sorta mental connection (we kinda just "clicked" when we met) and I was excited to be dating him, but than after some time I had some really "on" and "off" moments with him. I didn't find him physically that attractive and he was becoming very clingy. There were times when I felt like I was suffocating in our relationship so I told him I needed some space. Anyhoo, a while later we ended up staying in a caravan park near the beach for a few nights. I told him that if he wanted to we could sex there ( it would have given us some privacy seeing as we don't get much when he comes over to my house or I go over to his). When I asked him though (which he agreed to as long as I felt comfortable), I know it sounds bad, but I only asked because I was feeling insecure about my sexual experience. At this point I just wanted to get it over and done with. I felt pressuring into sex seeing as all my friends were having sex with their partners/ having one night stands. Then when that night arrived, lets just say I didn't find his genitals particularly attractive. I was actually really repulsed by it so I told him to put his shorts back on.
I mean it could have been that I stopped feeling an emotional connection with him, maybe that's why I didn't want to have sex with him?  Or maybe, I'm just not attracted to the naked male body? I don't like watching porn, it doesn't turn me on and as soon as I see the guy's naked body along with other acts like sexual intercourse/ oral sex I feel repulsed.

 

But anyway I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend because I wasn't feeling the same way about him anymore. A year later (im 19 now), I was dating this guy Sean a few months ago. This guy was different. I found him physically attractive at first, I thought he was quite a good looking guy and I ended up asking him out. We dated for a few months, we were getting to know each other and things were going quite well. He was a bit distant at times ( he may have just been more introverted), but whenever we went out for a date, it went well. We would have some funny sarcastic kinda conversations. I liked that we were going quite slow, it gave me the chance to get to know him a bit better. And this one night, we were at this playground chilling, he were just talking and we had a bit of a moment. He kissed me and it felt SO good. I had never felt this way before with anyone else. And after this, I started feeling  sexually attracted to him. Although, we never actually got close to having sex over the 3 months that we dated, at the time though, I was worried what would happen if we were going to have sexual contact. Like if we had sexual contact, would I enjoy it because I had an emotional connection with this guy? Either that or as soon as I saw his genitals, I would feel repulsed like I did with my last boyfriend. Sean and I didn't end up working out though so i never found out.

 

I'm just unsure if whether I would be classed as a demisexual. I've noticed that my friends are quite sexually active. They very often joke about sex/ porn and talk about their own sexual experiences, in which this makes me feel rather uncomfortable. I cant see myself having a one night stand or even the thought of seeing male strippers makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm demisexual and need to feel an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction? Or maybe I might never find the naked male body attractive ever? I mean I enjoy dating. I enjoy the romantic aspects of it (going out, cuddling, kissing etc) The emotional connection along with the romance part appears to lead to a sexual attraction (as it did with Sean), I felt like I wanted take some clothes off (not everything) and like touch his chest around his waist area and get into a steamy hot make out session, but I still didn't feel like I wanted to have sexual intercourse/ oral sex with him. Has this got something to do with my sexuality maybe? Am I just not ready for a sexual relationship? ( even if I am 19 years old). I would have assumed by 19, I would be mature enough for this.

I also read somewhere that demisexuals don't usually experience physical attraction towards others ( or at least not at first until they get to know someone). But that didn't sound like me. I can still find guys cute or attractive or hot once I look at them, but they also have a good emotional connection with myself for me to pursue things any further.

 

Any thoughts guys? I'm been unsure about this for a while. Sorry about the long ramble btw

 

[Sadbitch9000]

Ok so recently I've been questioning my sexuality. I've done a bit of research online and I've been looking at all these terms under asexuality. One term I feel that may relate to me is the heteroromantic demisexual. I'm a girl and I know I am romantically interested in guys.

Im 19 and I recently dated this guy Sean. I found him physically attractive at first and we dated for a few months. I liked that we were going quite slow, it gave me the chance to get to know him a bit better. There was an emotional and romantic connection and only after that, I started feeling sexually attracted to him. Although I felt some sexual attraction, I still didn't feel like I wanted to have sexual contact with him. Has this got something to do with my sexuality maybe? Am I just not ready for a sexual relationship? ( even if I am 19 years old). I would have assumed by 19, I would be mature enough for this.

Although, we never actually got close to having sex over the 3 months that we dated, at the time though, I was worried what would happen if we were going to have sexual contact. Like, would I enjoy it because I had an emotional connection with this guy? Either that or as soon as I saw his body, I would feel repulsed (like I did with my last boyfriend). Sean and I didn't end up working out though so I never found out.

I've noticed that my friends are quite sexually active. They very often joke about sex/ porn and talk about their own sexual experiences, in which this makes me feel rather uncomfortable. I cant see myself having a one night stand or even the thought of seeing male strippers makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm demisexual and need to feel an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction? Or maybe I might never find the naked male body attractive ever no matter what the emotional/ romantic connection is like?

I also read somewhere that demisexuals don't usually experience physical attraction towards others ( or at least not at first until they get to know someone). But that didn't sound like me. I can still find guys cute or attractive or hot once I look at them, but they also have a good emotional connection with myself for me to pursue things any further.

So any thoughts guys? Would you guys say that I'm demisexual?

[MichaelTannock]

@Sadbitch9000 Welcome to AVEN!

 

I think you're Asexual rather than Demisexual since we define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with a specific person, and you said,

7 hours ago, Sadbitch9000 said:

I felt like I wanted take some clothes off (not everything) and like touch his chest around his waist area and get into a steamy hot make out session, but I still didn't feel like I wanted to have sexual intercourse/ oral sex with him.

And that's Sensual Attraction, not Sexual Attraction.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[Star Lion]

I can’t exactly tell you, but I can tell you this: it all boils down to those specific definitions. A demisexual is a person who can only become sexually attracted to a person after developing a strong emotional bond. That’s all that matters. If in all your situations of sexual attraction it has been after becoming emotionally close to the person, then you’re demisexual. Sexual attraction is a feeling of desire towards a person to have sexual contact with them. Some sexuals will experience sexual attraction towards people but not actually want to have sex for whatever their reason. Also note that demisexual is just a descriptor of your sexuality (the gender(s)/sex(es) you’re attracted to) rather than an actual sexuality itself

[Marishka]

Well, I respond sorta the same way- sensual stuff, nice; sexual stuff, not really, unless I really like someone, then sex is just meh. I'm 44, so I'm certainly mature enough and have had about a dozen sexual partners. This is how I've always felt deep down even though I kinda thought something was wrong with me or assumed I just hadn't met the right guy (few minor girl crushes, but not sexual at all, sensual at most). I met the right guy, we got married, and had an active sex life for a little while- except it felt like me masturbating while he had sex, if that makes any sense. I never initiated, and a lot of times needed alcohol to override what my gut feeling was: I just didn't really like to have sex with anyone that much.

 

I get that jumpy feeling in my chest when I see someone attractive, but it's usually their face/clothes more than their bodies esp genitals. Great eyes really get me. But even when I've tried to fantasize about them, the best I can do is kissing, touching- thinking about anything more is a turn off.

 

I've been reading through this site (I'm very new to all these concepts) and still haven't nailed down my labels. But that's why we're here, so we can talk about this stuff and hopefully figure out what we really want so we can have honest, happy, authentic relationships.

 

Best of luck!

[iff]

Topics merged and Moved from Questions about asexuality to the grey area

 

Iff,

Moderator

[starrynight]

19 hours ago, Sadbitch9000 said:

Ok so recently I've been questioning my sexuality. I've done a bit of research online and I've been looking at all these terms under asexuality. One term I feel that may relate to me is the heteroromantic demisexual. I'm a girl and I know that I like guys, I'm attracted to them, I've had boyfriends and I know I am romantically interested and attracted in guys. I do not believe I am interested the same way in girls though (I've had very short girl crushes that only lasted like 2 or 3 days, other than that I don't feel interested in dating girls or having any sexual contact with girls.

 

My last boyfriend I was with, I think we had some sorta mental connection (we kinda just "clicked" when we met) and I was excited to be dating him, but than after some time I had some really "on" and "off" moments with him. I didn't find him physically that attractive and he was becoming very clingy. There were times when I felt like I was suffocating in our relationship so I told him I needed some space. Anyhoo, a while later we ended up staying in a caravan park near the beach for a few nights. I told him that if he wanted to we could sex there ( it would have given us some privacy seeing as we don't get much when he comes over to my house or I go over to his). When I asked him though (which he agreed to as long as I felt comfortable), I know it sounds bad, but I only asked because I was feeling insecure about my sexual experience. At this point I just wanted to get it over and done with. I felt pressuring into sex seeing as all my friends were having sex with their partners/ having one night stands. Then when that night arrived, lets just say I didn't find his genitals particularly attractive. I was actually really repulsed by it so I told him to put his shorts back on.
I mean it could have been that I stopped feeling an emotional connection with him, maybe that's why I didn't want to have sex with him?  Or maybe, I'm just not attracted to the naked male body? I don't like watching porn, it doesn't turn me on and as soon as I see the guy's naked body along with other acts like sexual intercourse/ oral sex I feel repulsed.

 

But anyway I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend because I wasn't feeling the same way about him anymore. A year later (im 19 now), I was dating this guy Sean a few months ago. This guy was different. I found him physically attractive at first, I thought he was quite a good looking guy and I ended up asking him out. We dated for a few months, we were getting to know each other and things were going quite well. He was a bit distant at times ( he may have just been more introverted), but whenever we went out for a date, it went well. We would have some funny sarcastic kinda conversations. I liked that we were going quite slow, it gave me the chance to get to know him a bit better. And this one night, we were at this playground chilling, he were just talking and we had a bit of a moment. He kissed me and it felt SO good. I had never felt this way before with anyone else. And after this, I started feeling  sexually attracted to him. Although, we never actually got close to having sex over the 3 months that we dated, at the time though, I was worried what would happen if we were going to have sexual contact. Like if we had sexual contact, would I enjoy it because I had an emotional connection with this guy? Either that or as soon as I saw his genitals, I would feel repulsed like I did with my last boyfriend. Sean and I didn't end up working out though so i never found out.

 

I'm just unsure if whether I would be classed as a demisexual. I've noticed that my friends are quite sexually active. They very often joke about sex/ porn and talk about their own sexual experiences, in which this makes me feel rather uncomfortable. I cant see myself having a one night stand or even the thought of seeing male strippers makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm demisexual and need to feel an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction? Or maybe I might never find the naked male body attractive ever? I mean I enjoy dating. I enjoy the romantic aspects of it (going out, cuddling, kissing etc) The emotional connection along with the romance part appears to lead to a sexual attraction (as it did with Sean), I felt like I wanted take some clothes off (not everything) and like touch his chest around his waist area and get into a steamy hot make out session, but I still didn't feel like I wanted to have sexual intercourse/ oral sex with him. Has this got something to do with my sexuality maybe? Am I just not ready for a sexual relationship? ( even if I am 19 years old). I would have assumed by 19, I would be mature enough for this.

I also read somewhere that demisexuals don't usually experience physical attraction towards others ( or at least not at first until they get to know someone). But that didn't sound like me. I can still find guys cute or attractive or hot once I look at them, but they also have a good emotional connection with myself for me to pursue things any further.

 

Any thoughts guys? I'm been unsure about this for a while. Sorry about the long ramble btw

 

So much of this sounds like my experiences, i'm questioning myself and bave settled somewhere between demisexual and demiromantic right now because i can totally find random strangers attractive and like to fantasy of physical contact with them but i acknowledge that i realistically cannot fathom doing anything with someone unless i felt a deep emotional connection. Which can happen fairly easily for me as i'm a chatty outgoing gal. I'm thinking demiromantic for now...though i'm not sure m'self. There is so much to consider here sheesh 0.0