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Told Him I Am Asexual But I Don’t Think He Completely Understands


Belikeafish

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I’m definitely asexual and an introvert.

 

First off, we started dating in June 2018. And after talking with a friend who is asexual I was told to “be upfront about my sexuality”, so almost a couple weeks into our new blossoming relationship, I told him that I am asexual. It’s still a new term for me that I have yet to explore, and at the time, I really thought he had the general definition down. But now...now I’m not so sure. He told me he thinks that pretty much everyone is asexual and he doesn’t need to have sex often also. I too don’t need sex often, though I hardly agreed with him that everyone is also asexual. Maybe I should have explained more in that moment.

 

see...I am definitely more neutral about sex. Though I sometimes confuse it with my low libidio. I would like to have sex (sometimes, maybe like a couple times a month), and I’m not put off by the idea of others have it, but usually I don’t think about sex, I don’t care to have it, and I can survive months without it. I would rather bake muffins than cuddle, do foreplay, or jump into any fantasies I may have that day. When it comes to orgasms I can certainly reach them, but I have not once achieved them with him. I may be in the room with him, I’m attracted to him, and wish to orgasm...but sometimes I catch myself thinking about something else unrelated. I haven’t explored much of our sexual relationship. When we kiss, it’s usually because he initiated it. For sex, he will start. We haven’t tried oral, we’ve fingered, I haven’t gotten on top...and don’t care to try anything else. But what I do know is that I love him...and I don’t mind cuddling with him.

 

I’ve certainly have been busy this last month as I started a new job, but today is my day off. My first weekend off for months. What would I like to do? Walk dogs, pay bills, and just sit on the couch and play games. Though I know he wants to have sex and hang out because we haven’t initiated anything for some time.

 

So now I’m stressed. I know he wants to do something. But I don’t want to get up from the couch because I’m getting anxious about initiating sex.

 

Any advice?

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Welcome to AVEN!

 

He doesn't understand if he thinks everyone is Asexual since it's an orientation rather than an occasional state of mind.

The only thing I can think to suggest is for you to show him this, it's a short book about Asexuality that's free to read online, http://www.asexualityarchive.com/book/

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

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11 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

Welcome to AVEN!

 

He doesn't understand if he thinks everyone is Asexual since it's an orientation rather than an occasional state of mind.

The only thing I can think to suggest is for you to show him this, it's a short book about Asexuality that's free to read online, http://www.asexualityarchive.com/book/

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

Thank you! Also thanks for the link and the cake! Not until college did I understand that I am asexual, which would end a relationship. Not solely because I am asexual, we just couldn’t find a balance between his sexual needs and mine.

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41 minutes ago, Belikeafish said:

I would like to have sex (sometimes, maybe like a couple times a month),

Did you mean "I am willing to have sex this often to make my partner happy" or "I want sex, but not much, only this often"?

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5 hours ago, Belikeafish said:

I would like to have sex (sometimes, maybe like a couple times a month)

Sry but i m the type that doesn t want to have sex...and i can t understand this...that u want to have sex....maybe you are demisexual,and you need to form a bond with him 

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