Wolf_Dragon303

Trying to understand sexual attraction - help please!

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Wolf_Dragon303

So as I understand it (correct me if I’m wrong)

arousal is: just a feeling down there not linked at anything in particular and may be in response to a situation or not 

sexual attraction: may or may not involve arousal but is a desire to have sex with someone that may cause fantasies/arousal 

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Wolf_Dragon303

Also, would feeling tingly down there when holding someone’s hand be considered sexual attraction or not 

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Carxofa

According to what I've read, I think you got it right. But, since I have never experienced arousal or been sexualy attracted to someone... I can't really tell from experience.

 

2 minutes ago, Wolf_Dragon303 said:

Also, would feeling tingly down there when holding someone’s hand be considered sexual attraction or not 

About that I have no idea. I guess it would be if the tingling was followed by a desire to have sex...

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Wolf_Dragon303
1 minute ago, Carxofa said:

According to what I've read, I think you got it right. But, since I have never experienced arousal or been sexualy attracted to someone... I can't really tell from experience.

 

About that I have no idea. I guess it would be if the tingling was followed by a desire to have sex...

For me arousal is mostly uncomfortable and I would prefer it went away so I could enjoy whatever I’m doing so yah. Probably ace. But thanks for the help

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Xenobot

Physical sexual arousal is seperate from sexual desire/sexual attraction. Often they go together, but remember that physical sexual arousal is an involuntary response to stimuli. It doesn’t necessarily mean you “want it”. Your body is just doing what it has evolved to do in that circumstance.

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gery

So, when you feel arousal , the way you are going to react depends on education , custom , or

because you are used to so... everything depends on how you have been learned to react ?

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Wolf_Dragon303
22 hours ago, gery said:

So, when you feel arousal , the way you are going to react depends on education , custom , or

because you are used to so... everything depends on how you have been learned to react ?

Pretty much. The same as any attraction or emotion: it depends on what you have grown up with and how strong the feelings are. People may be aroused reading something bub never want to do it in real life, and people may feel attraction but not follow through. You may feel sad but not cry, or you might- who knows. 

But arousal and attraction are different and arousal does not define sexuality. 

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gery
1 hour ago, Wolf_Dragon303 said:

Pretty much. The same as any attraction or emotion: it depends on what you have grown up with and how strong the feelings are. People may be aroused reading something bub never want to do it in real life, and people may feel attraction but not follow through. You may feel sad but not cry, or you might- who knows. 

But arousal and attraction are different and arousal does not define sexuality. 

OK, I agree with you. But do not forget, this (and especially)

 

arousal does not define sexuality

 

is your opinion only. I bet that the vast majority of people would have a different one.

So the problem is , can and how can you explain your own ?

More than that , will they be willing to take any notice of it ?

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Serran
On 12/1/2018 at 7:26 AM, Wolf_Dragon303 said:

So as I understand it (correct me if I’m wrong)

arousal is: just a feeling down there not linked at anything in particular and may be in response to a situation or not 

sexual attraction: may or may not involve arousal but is a desire to have sex with someone that may cause fantasies/arousal 

Mostly. 

 

Arousal is a physical response to various stimuli. You can become aroused by smelling something, hearing something, stress, fear, happiness, etc. The body responds to things strangely at times. You can also be aroused just by physically being touched - like a cat jumping in a guys lap can give him an erection, even though he has no interest in the cat, they just happened to touch the penis and cause arousal. 

 

Sexual attraction is a varied thing. But, it is basically a draw to do something sexually with someone. 

 

For me, sexual attraction sparks from an intense emotional connection with someone causing a desire to share sexual activities with them. So, any activity that makes me feel especially close to my partner can spark a sexual interest. Though, it's just a fleeting thing and I can ignore it pretty easily. But, if they are receptive, I can feed it and then it becomes something. 

 

For others, it could be seeing someone attractive makes them think of sex with them would be nice.

 

For others, it could be linked to a specific kink or fetish that the person must perform in order to get desire to develop.

 

For others, it could be they are just horny so they seek out the smallest suitable components (trust them enough to not hurt me, attractive enough to not be repulsive) to spark enough attraction to make the person a viable partner.

 

Etc, etc. It is a varied thing that you can't really go "This is what it is" - but generally, yes, it leads to a draw to some sort of sexual activity being a thing you desire to do (for yourself, not for them, not for a baby, not because you think you should, but because you genuinely want to for your own sense of pleasure and emotional connection).

 

On 12/1/2018 at 7:34 AM, Wolf_Dragon303 said:

Also, would feeling tingly down there when holding someone’s hand be considered sexual attraction or not 

It can be part of it, but doesn't have to be. You could just be aroused by touch in general, or anxiety can cause it, or various other things. 

 

I have learned that arousal of the physical sense is ... just annoying. It doesn't even feel nice for me when it's that sort of arousal. Uncomfortable and annoying and even trying to use it just feels bad. But, if there is mental/emotional components to the arousal, rather than just purely physical, then it's nice. So, I kind of think of it in terms of "Is my body reacting, or am I actually interested?" If there is no interest in that arousal, then I just ignore it and it goes away, no harm, no foul. And it doesn't matter what caused it, cause it's just my body being annoying to me. 

 

If it happens every time you hold that person's hand, it might be something to examine and at least try to figure out why your body and mind aren't in alignment on it. 

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Evenstar

My understanding of "sexual attraction" is a strong primary interest in having sex with another person based on their physical body/genitals/appearance/etc. This tends to be coupled with arousal, but as others have stated, the two are separate states. Arousal has more to do with the physical body, and sexual attraction has more to do with the mind. Everyone experiences these things differently, which is why it can be difficult to really pinpoint what something "is" or "isn't" unanimously. As for the "feeling" or physical indicators of sexual attraction, while I have never experienced it, I have heard allo friends and others describe it as an intense "hunger" or an "excitement."


You should check out the Aven wiki on types of attraction (primary, secondary, etc.) to learn more.

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