Sandra B

What I Love About BBC3 Documentary I don't Want Sex: Asexual and Looking For Love / Sex Map Of Britain!

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Sandra B

 

So this documentary has had some stick because it does not represent all asexuals, but it was never meant to. It was not a documentary about asexuality as such, but a documentary about what it is like to date when you are looking for love without sex, so it specifically focus on asexuals who don't want sex. That was its objective clearly stated and I really liked it. I have been on the Asexual dating scene for 4.5 years, and run 3 asexual dating groups on Facebook, as well as an asexual friends group. This documentary is very reflective of the struggles asexuals face in the online dating world of today and it gives a very realistic reflection of what it is really like to be asexual in this highly sexualised world. My asexuals are introverts and socially awkward. I am personally an extrovert so can walk up to strangers, but I have many asexuals in my groups and who I speak to in asexual forums who find the dating scene very difficult and socialising very hard in general. 

 

In this special hour long episode from my channel https://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife on 13th of November 2018, I take a look with you at clips from the documentary itself, and share my own thoughts, views, and opinions on it, from my 4.5 years of experience of being in the online dating game. I am still looking for my special someone, but won't give up! I cover a lot of asexual relationship and dating advice on my channel in the hope to help others to avoid the dangers of online dating and to also increase confidence.

 

Whilst I was a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I was filmed the Japanese television programme but this cannot be found online so there is no way of me sharing that with you here as well.

 

 

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jay williams

Thanks for sharing this.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

For me, I'd already listened to the other BBC radio programs and read BBC articles that interviewed asexuals and discussed their dating lives (especially young, white asexuals, leaving out POC and older asexuals.) So, this documentary just seemed like a repeated topic that they'd already discussed several times.

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Lordyloo

I've seen this. A lot Aces in the comments do not like how aces are portrayed in it. I don't hate it but i think it could have been a lot better.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Someone else made a post about this doco where they expressed a lot of anger about it (the post also contained a YouTube vid they'd made though from what I remember that video was mostly breasts... like, all I can remember of the video is the bewbz). I honestly thought the doco was okay and wasn't too far off the mark regarding a lot of the issues that the average asexual faces. *shrug* One of the biggest complaints I see about it is people who are angry that the title implies asexuals don't want sex. I hate to burst their bubble but if someone is looking for love and actively wants sex to be a part of that love then they're not ace. So yeah. It was actually okay.

 

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Sandra B
On 12/1/2018 at 3:26 AM, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Someone else made a post about this doco where they expressed a lot of anger about it (the post also contained a YouTube vid they'd made though from what I remember that video was mostly breasts... like, all I can remember of the video is the bewbz). I honestly thought the doco was okay and wasn't too far off the mark regarding a lot of the issues that the average asexual faces. *shrug* One of the biggest complaints I see about it is people who are angry that the title implies asexuals don't want sex. I hate to burst their bubble but if someone is looking for love and actively wants sex to be a part of that love then they're not ace. So yeah. It was actually okay.

 

Yeah, exactly. The not actively wanting sex with someone else and seeking it out in a relationship, is what make us asexual as we either lack sexual attraction, or have little to no interest in sexual activities, or both. Having sex, because their partner wants them to and they go along with it because they love them, or want to please them, or it's expected, is not the same as thing as actively wanting it - I had sex in the past, because I thought I had to as part of a relationship, my last long term ex was good at that but I sometimes would not do that for couple of months with him and would have rather stayed doing the washing up. The only people who would usually want love without sex, are mostly asexuals, so of course we fitted in with their programme objectives. I know about the other person (aromantic) and the post and video they did, I wanted to do my own video because I am not in agreeance. I appreciate another's perspective and put this in a separate post, rather than their one. 

 

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Sandra B
On 11/30/2018 at 11:56 PM, jay williams said:

Thanks for sharing this.

You are welcome, I thought was important to actually show clips of the documentary, rathe than just talk about it, so people can form their own decisions once they have seen it.

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Sandra B
On 12/1/2018 at 12:25 AM, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

For me, I'd already listened to the other BBC radio programs and read BBC articles that interviewed asexuals and discussed their dating lives (especially young, white asexuals, leaving out POC and older asexuals.) So, this documentary just seemed like a repeated topic that they'd already discussed several times.

Thanks for sharing. I understand what you are saying and coming from, however, I had not seen an actual TV programme documentary about asexuals dating and their struggles. 

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Sandra B
On 12/1/2018 at 1:23 AM, Lordyloo said:

I've seen this. A lot Aces in the comments do not like how aces are portrayed in it. I don't hate it but i think it could have been a lot better.

Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your point of view. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 2/3/2019 at 2:01 PM, Sandra B said:

Yeah, exactly. The not actively wanting sex with someone else and seeking it out in a relationship, is what make us asexual as we either lack sexual attraction, or have little to no interest in sexual activities, or both. Having sex, because their partner wants them to and they go along with it because they love them, or want to please them, or it's expected, is not the same as thing as actively wanting it - I had sex in the past, because I thought I had to as part of a relationship, my last long term ex was good at that but I sometimes would not do that for couple of months with him and would have rather stayed doing the washing up. The only people who would usually want love without sex,are mostly asexuals, so of course we fitted in with their programme objectives. I know about the other person (aromantic) and the post and video they did, I wanted to do buy own video because I am not in agreeance. I appreciate another's perspective and put this in a separate post, rather than their one. 

 

Off topic but congratulations on publishing your book by the way!! I'd been meaning to say it for ages but keep forgetting, so I'm doing it now! :):cake:

 

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Sandra B
21 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Off topic but congratulations on publishing your book by the way!! I'd been meaning to say it for ages but keep forgetting, so I'm doing it now! :):cake:

 

 

Oh thank you, that's really very sweet of you. xx Have you read it? Just wondered what you thought of it? 

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