snowydove99

How to fulfil these needs :(

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snowydove99

Hey guys, basically my goal right now is to come up with a way to satisfy my very peculiar and narrow needs, but I haven't a clue how!!
I do fantasize about the magic of romance and falling in love but I can't seem to enact it irl .______. And I want to have someone special because I desire emotional and physical intimacy- but I just can't seem to maintain the emotional connection or sexual attraction. 

Another thing- I don't seem to have any emotional needs of my own other than the desire for romance. I feel like I don't really need my family or friends other than to fulfil my need for social interaction. I know this seems contradictory- I just want an object of romantic interest that's all. 

I do experience primary sexual and romantic attraction- very occasionally, but when it comes to a point where I feel like they expect me to fulfil their emotional needs, I just shut off. 

So basically I want a very one-sided relationship- them fulfilling my needs but me not having to do the same. I suspect I have apsergers so that makes me feel disconnected to people, like they aren't as real or human as myself. On top of that, I have aphantasia, and the lack of a visual imagination distances me from others as I feel like I can't get to know them on a deeper level, or care about their feelings. 

My sexual fantasies involve a guy that's very impersonal and being dominated, that's when I actually have sexual desire (a few days/month) 

So I basically want that + emotional intimacy. Again, kinda contradicts.

I also have severely deficient autobiographical memory which could be linked to pstd, so any emotions I feel are transient and only the present is real to me. Man I just want some DRAMA. Maybe the lack of memory prevents me from getting attached to people or falling in love.

 

 

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Tunes

It is possible that lack of memory could affect something like this, and there is one particular member here who talks about aphantasia a lot and has commented that this also tends to affect situations like this. I’m not going to pretend I actually understand any of it, because I honestly don’t at this point. It’s just not something I’ve looked into enough to give useful advice about. Hopefully someone more familiar will pop in with more useful advice soon, but in the meantime, I wanted to let you know that you are being heard and that this isn’t a completely unknown struggle or anything. :)

 

Stay strong and good luck. :cake: 

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Brahmacarya
12 hours ago, snowydove99 said:

Man I just want some DRAMA.

 

 

What on earth for? I do my best to avoid it.

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Marlow1

HI @snowydove99

 

I am sorry, I have not been online lately. I havenly just seen your post!

 

I have Aphantasia, and yes, in many ways it is similar to Aspergers, and the lack of autobiograpphical memory is said to be part of the condition generally.

 

Please do not despair. I had no sexual attraction for many years(I do believe this is because of my Aphantasia) but then I met somebody in my thirties, whom I am still with and I am still attracted to; I am now 63 years old!!

 

I so want to tell you everything about how this came about but I dont have the time needed right now

 

What I can telll you is that I had to really get to know my partner, that took over two years. She was a close friend of the family, and we had many opportunities to have romantic and friendly encounters where we both felt safe . My partners situation was that, although she is a sexual person, at that time, she really did want a partner that would not give her pressure to become sexual too soon. My brother, secretly I might add, spent a very lot of time playing matchmaker, telling her how much I cared about her and making sure that I remembered as much as possible about my friend. I know that this is a bit like cheating but it definately paid off for us

 

Several of my old posts elaborate on this more. If you get chance please take a look at them. Aphantasia can make it very difficult for us to be certain whom we could be attracted to in all the ways that are mentioned on this site. I am hoping that they might give a little inspiration                         

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snowydove99

Hey Marlow, thanks so much for the input. 

 

I have been really distressed lately because I realised that my inability to connect with other people is because I suffer from complex post traumatic stress disorder/borderline personality disorder. This means that though I dearly want someone to love and cherish (platonically or romantically) I just can't deal with the vulnerability associated with intimacy anymore, it feels life threatening to me because my emotional resilience is like that of a burn victim. Furthermore, I am extremely different from usual people and have only really had one proper best friend before. I did feel a connection with a few other friends (3) during that time in years 7-8 but after that I never felt a connection with anyone again, besides one boy in the past year.

 

 I don't know if it's because of all the betrayal or because I just hadn't met the right kind of people after that. 

 

In the past year I met someone who I had deep connection to that I felt with nobody else. At first I loved them as a best friend but after a few meetings I experienced for the first time the ove

overwhelming experience of falling in love. This lasted about 3 weeks and I did not get to see them during this period, this is how I came to realise it was love because I missed them so much it hurt when I usually forget other people easily (especially with my memory loss)  But it was too painful for me due to past experiences of being mercilessly exploited and degraded by people, so I worked hard to suppress these emotions. The next time we met, I felt nothing towards them again, although they were also acting distant to me again. (It's a complicated situation)

 

I know this is going to sound really weird, but the time we met that I (unknowingly) started falling in love, the mindblowing chemistry made me feel emotional/sexual chemistry, but because their face was too unattractive (I know this sounds sad) when I looked at them I didn't want to do anything physical with them. 

 

Also, how were you sexually attracted to her? 

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