Rhokuram Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 Hi there! I'm a newbie on aven :D I early want to apologize 'cause english is not my first lenguage (i'm from italy, so as you may can assume is neither the second ahah). I "discovered" the "asexual" term few moths ago and now i feel as it suits me...but i went over. I've found out a lot of "shades of gray" (literally XD), many of these are related to the "romanicism" concept (if i have not misunderstood), and still now, when i think it over, i realize i don't even know its true meaning. I consider myself a "hetero-demi-sensual" asexual, but all this stuff is (i think) is due to a "friendly/platonic relation" , and i cannot imagine in my mind something so different to be called in a different way (for example "romanticism"). So, to point out, my question is obviously directed to everyone, but in particular to those who consider themselves "romantic", and here it is: what is romanticism for you? how does this """thing""" make you feel? Thank you guys cause here i finally found myself! :) Link to post Share on other sites
ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 @Rhokuram Hi! Welcome to heAVEN! Have an infinite amount of ! You could consider me "aromantic" but I thought I'd welcome you here! Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 To me it's a mystery. I don't want to have anything to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 33 minutes ago, Vårin said: The mystery can be exciting tho Not that kind of mystery, not in a "riddle that's fun to solve" way. More in a "I have been brought into a foreign country I don't speak the language of, I don't have money or a phone and my clothes are falling apart well shit" way. Link to post Share on other sites
LiteratureNerd Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 For me it is a bit hard to figure out what is "romantic" and what is just my desire to connect with people. The idea of a chosen family has been really important to me because the term focuses on deconstructing heteronormative ideas of what "family" looks like. I might not ever want to get married or have kids, but I am still family oriented. I am polyamorous, so I do have multiple people I consider as "partners" but whether or not that is a romantic designation is a bit murky. It comes down to how each of us in the relationship define "romance", is it cuddling? Is it going out to dinner? For different people, what is romantic is different, so for me I just avoid the label and say that we are "partners" because that implies that we help each other get through life and it also makes it easier to avoid outing myself in places I don't want to. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Rhokuram Posted November 21, 2018 Author Share Posted November 21, 2018 Thanks to everybody! I understand that mine was not actually a "wise" question, cause each of us has his subjective idea, but i found it warm to know i'm not the only one who's wtf-ed bout it ahah. I felt something as "strange" as that, i suppose, few times in my life *mumble*...idk it'll makes me think it over. I know nothing's changing once i've hidden behind a specific term to describe my being, but sometimes could be comfortable to feel like belonging to a mood, a family, just to convince yourself you're not so alone in this stuff after all ^^' that's why i want to say "thank you" again...i got your welcoming hug! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomatonpine Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 I don't get it. Never did, never will and frankly, I don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 @Rhokuram A belated welcome to AVEN! I can't answer your question, sorry. I know that we define it as leading to the desire for a romantic relationship with a specific person, but I don't know what that is. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, Link to post Share on other sites
Madao Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Welcome to AVEN, @Rhokuram!🍰🍰🍰 Your English is good enough. For me, romanticism has been too confusing. It tends to freak me out. That's why I try to stay as far as I can from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tunes Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 Biromantic here. It does get complicated. I would say it definitely includes this need that must be filled. Not constantly, but in a general sense. But I love romantic feelings. Of course they can be confusing. And sometimes scary or painful if things don't go well. But oddly enough, that in no way changes my enjoyment of the feeling itself. As for differentiating it from other types of attraction, it's a different lens over intimacy. It's a mental state that changes the way you feel about a specific person - they are just set apart in your mind from how you feel about other friends, even if you are equally as close emotionally, it still feels distinctly different. Of course, with no specific actions associated with it (because the same actions could be viewed in a platonic way if you just change the circumstances and/or perspective), it can be really hard to single out and define. It really is just a certain mindset. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 On 11/20/2018 at 5:32 PM, LiteratureNerd said: For me it is a bit hard to figure out what is "romantic" and what is just my desire to connect with people. The idea of a chosen family has been really important to me because the term focuses on deconstructing heteronormative ideas of what "family" looks like. I might not ever want to get married or have kids, but I am still family oriented. I am polyamorous, so I do have multiple people I consider as "partners" but whether or not that is a romantic designation is a bit murky. It comes down to how each of us in the relationship define "romance", is it cuddling? Is it going out to dinner? For different people, what is romantic is different, so for me I just avoid the label and say that we are "partners" because that implies that we help each other get through life and it also makes it easier to avoid outing myself in places I don't want to. Does that make sense? I used to be confused about it, but now I see romance as wanting to make someone your partner because they feel exstra meaningful. And like you said help each other through life. But I know aromantic people have the word: Queerplatonic, but to be honest I do not know if it makes sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tunes Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 Quasiplatonic relationships are relationships where your extra meaningful connection that makes you want to be a sort of life partner are extra meaningful through emotional closeness, but lack that special way of viewing the other person, the romantic mindset. Your partner is viewed platonically instead of romantically, thus your relationship is just as intimate as a romantic one, but purely platonic in nature. Link to post Share on other sites
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