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My Biromanticism is Invalid?


Limerence

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For most of my time identifying as an asexual, I've also identified as demiromantic, sometimes heteromantic, because I've only ever been in love with one person, who was my best friend and was a guy (opposite gender). But recently I've been wondering if I am in to girls. I've been getting small crushes on girls, but never actually consider dating them because I believe I am demiromantic, and it takes me a long time to want to date someone.

 

I've talked to one of my lesbian friends about me being possibly biromantic, but she doesn't really understand my asexuality, so she tells me that I can't be bi because I wouldn't have sex with a girl (which I guess is what most homosexuals use to define homosexuality?) It's just making me really confused because, obviously, asexual, I don't want sex. It seems that people think I am a phony, or just some "bicurious" girl going through an "experimental" phase?

 

I don't know how I am supposed to validate these feelings to myself, much less to other people.

 

Sorry if this post is jumbled. I am running a fever and have an exam tomorrow, so my brain is a little fried.....

 

tldr; How do you confirm biromanticism when you're demiromantic asexual?

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CierraJasmineJ

I can't speak to anyone else's labels, I don't even know what my own are! However, if you feel like the term biromantic fits, then by all means you are biromantic! It can be hard if you're demi- to also decide who you could possibly become attracted to, but being demi-biromantic, or whatever terms you prefer, is a perfectly valid identity :) Figuring out orientation is hard enough even if you don't bring split attraction into it, so take your time figuring yourself out, it's okay if you try on the label and if it doesn't fit, you can change it. Anyways, basically you can definitely be both demiromantic and biromantic on top of asexual, if you develop romantic attraction after forming an emotional bond with someone, and you're also biromantic. Sorry if I'm not making sense, I have a hard time with all this stuff too, feel free to correct me if I've said anything wrong. Long story short, you can be biromantic, demiromantic, and asexual, and none of those identifiers invalidates the others. 

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

It is valid just as YOU are valid..... Welcome to AVEN ^_^ 

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I'm going to school too, so I know how a fried brain feels:)

 

I say, don't let your unimaginative (if perhaps well-meaning?) and somewhat Ace-ignorant friend dissuade you from discussing and discovering who you are.  Unfort many won't be able to wrap their brains around being Ace.  Then again, many can't wrap their brains around being bi, they want everyone to fall into a binary (no pun intended.)

 

If you're having romantic crushes on girls perhaps you are biromantiic; sure, being Ace may take it longer to "confirm" this for yourself, let alone others.   But this is your journey, not theirs.  I'm a non-ace gay man and was totally able to follow your story, and it makes total sense to me.  It's just that some can't distinguish between sexual and romantic orientation. 

 

Try not to be too frustrated.  It's awesome you're discovering things about yourself, and as an earlier poster said, you can always pick up a label now if that feels appropriate, and discard it if it no longer feels useful.  This is your romantic orientation, it's your journey, you get to call the shots.  I know it must be frustrating to not have all the answers, but that's what time is for.  It'll all come into focus.  in the meantime surround yourself with non-judgy ppl, and be kind and gentle with yourself always:cake:

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Your friend is mistaking biromantic for bisexual. Yes, obviously as an asxeual, you wouldn't want to have sex with anyone. Sex is irrelevant. But sexual relationships are not the same as romantic relationships, and you don't have to have both - you can have one without the other. Also obvious from your experiences. Demiromantic explains how you experience romantic attraction, not who you are attracted to. Demiromantic is on the aromantic to romantic spectrum. Who you feel romantic attraction to (or could, because you don't always have to have experienced an attraction in order to know you would be capable of it, just like you don't have to experience sex with a certain gender to know that you wouldn't like it) is a different spectrum entirely. Some people put the two together (saying, in your case, that they are demi-biromantic - meaning they rarely experience romantic attraction, but when they do, it could be to either binary gender), and others just go back and forth between demiromantic and biromantic depending on which spectrum is being referenced. But yes, your identity as biromantic, demiromantic, and asexual is valid. 

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On 11/19/2018 at 8:34 PM, Limerence said:

How do you confirm biromanticism when you're demiromantic asexual?

You probably can't do anything specific to confirm ig. You'll just either feel more secure in the identity with time or realize it's not for you. If you think you could someday fall for a woman, you are free to identify as biromantic, and if you later conclude that you cannot fall in love with women, you are free to stop IDing as bi.

 

If it feels right to you, it's completely valid regardless of whether your feelings match the majority of WLW's.

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  • 3 months later...

Thank you for all the kind responses and welcomes! I'm fairly young (early 20's), so I definitely have a lot of self-discovering to do!

 

Sorry for responding so late! I always get so busy with school. I've been on AVEN since 2015 (? i think), and I just pop in from time to time.

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AVeryTakenUsername

Demiromantic can still fit the bill if you need the emotional connection in advance to really feel anything. It applies to whatever gender just as long as you need that emotional bond beforehand. I actually am one myself along with panromantic but it's just kinda hard to include it all in one mouthful lol. It's a totally valid identity and it's nice to meet more of them out in the wild!

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