My friends and me being aroace?

[Yarenios]

So in the past month I've gradually become more comfortable with the idea of being ace (I am not going to call myself aromantic ((yet)) but I have a suspicion that might be what I am). Anyway, this probably combined with other discussions with my friends about relationships and lgbt stuff has led to 2 of my best friends coming out to me (something they had only previously done to each other). So now with my four best friends all either being bi or lesbian, we've started to have even more conversations about all of this (which I've really enjoyed but also has made me nervous.

 

In the process I learned that the one that had just come out as bi had a relationship last year that I was unaware of. Previously, I had always assumed her sexual/romantic orientation was similar to mine and when I started learning about asexuality felt that she would also be in that area. However, knowing that even she has had a relationship while I have never even had a crush (hence the maybe aro?) and definitely not sexual attraction on/to anyone has made me nervous about my future relationships.

 

I don't know what a romantic but non-sexual desire for feels like and I don't know if/how aro people ever get into relationships based on their romantic orientation. I have always imagined myself marrying and having kids, and I am loath to part with that maybe now fantasy. I just don't know what options I have for myself besides a strong platonic marriage-ish based family (I have no idea if this is a thing but that would be really awesome) and if so how that would work.

 

I also don't know if it is too early for me to believe I am aromantic and if I'm not how to discover that I am not.

TL;DR Friend I thought was ace-ish came out as bi, not sure if I am aro and if so how to approach that

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

-Yarenios

[A. Sterling]

Hey, thanks for sharing. I've also struggled with being ace but having that fantasy of being married with kids. Even as a little kid I always said I wanted to adopt kids and have always been quite fond of the idea of a platonic marriage-ish family if I never found anyone I could love (romantically only, of course). Of course it's really, really hard to find other people who like that idea.

 

P.S. 

Love the profile pic. 

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

Romantic attraction- a feeling of desire to date a specific person. If you’ve never had this feeling, then you’re aromantic. It’s a very distinct feeling. Wanting to get married and have kids doesn’t mean you’ve experienced romantic attraction towards a specific person, it just means you prefer not to be alone and you prefer to have someone to raise and take care of. I would also say that 13 is an appropriate age to start thinking about your orientation and identities since it could change at literally any point in your life

[Yarenios]

@A. Sterling Are you talking about a platonic or romantic-based marriage?

 

I think if it is the latter, other romantic aces and maybe a few non-aces are still options. But for the former I'm not sure but I'm glad to know there are other people that have thought about that arrangement.

 

I'm 16 but it just feels a bit disingenuous to identify as any orientation (with the exception of aroace) since I have not yet experienced romantic attraction (yet?) in my life. I guess adoption is an option but I still would like to raise those kids with someone else (even if we wouldn't have a romantic relationship).

 

About one's orientation changing throughout their life, I wonder if there is some (arbitrary cutoff) age where it turns from them potentially either being aro or a very late bloomer into having their orientation be pretty much set. If I haven't passed that point yet, that means I wouldn't necessarily have to worry as much. On the other hand, while many people realize their orientation at a young age (13ish), others don't until very late (I'm not sure if that's due to a heteronormative society or their own feelings though).

 

 

 

 

[A. Sterling]

4 hours ago, Yarenios said:

@A. Sterling Are you talking about a platonic or romantic-based marriage?

 

I've thought about both platonic or romantic and feel I'd be happy with either one. I've always wanted to adopt but I agree with you that I've never wanted to raise a child alone.