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Kissing???


plsdontfightme

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plsdontfightme

Idk, guys, it's just that time of year and the holiday rom-com's are everywhere(or my little sister just loves them and won't turn them off) which means kissing is also everywhere and I just... don't get it??? A friend of mine was trying to explain the appeal of kissing to me after I express some of my confusion/frustration at it, but the best she could come up with was "It just feels nice?" Can anyone here, ace or otherwise, explain why kissing is such a Thing??? Cause it just looks gross and uncomfortable to me and I kinda wanna know what all the fuss is about

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Haha I couldn't tell you why it's a thing either, but lots of people seem to enjoy it :PI can see if someone really liked/loved someone and wanted to show physical affection then it would be awesome for them, but swamping spit with someone and exchanging germs is a huge no for me. I remember there were a couple of guys that tried to kiss me before, and I dodged out of it because to me personally it's just gross. I don't like any kind of intimacy though tbh, so that's just me!

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Lips have a lot of nerve endings. Generally in sexual or sensual situations, people enjoy stimulating areas with a lot of nerve endings. Personally I think tongue kissing is gross, but just lips on lips (or lips on other areas, such as the neck) can be very pleasant in a similar way that getting a scalp massage is, or the nice sensation you get from feeling something soft trailed along your skin. You know that fluttery or tingly feeling? That’s the best way I can think to describe it. Why people like tongue kissing, I don’t know. I think the involvement of a tongue distracts from the sensation of someone’s lips. 

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Coily the Spring Sprite

For me kissing is something special between people who have some sort of connection. And to be honest I have not met anyone in the last several years that I want to kiss. Kissing like shaking hands with just anyone is gross and I so wish we as a society would adopt the fist bump or better yet a simple bow or head nod. 

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The one time I had some major sexual attraction towards someone, kissing them felt amazing. It was that butterfly feeling everyone describes when they like someone but ten times stronger. It felt a little like being tipsy. That was the only time I've ever enjoyed kissing though; and that dude turned out to be a huge asshole so we only ever kissed the one time. Every person I've kissed since, its definitely been like, "uuuh, okay this is a thing, I guess." I never actually enjoyed it. So I think you definitely have to be sexually attracted to someone for it to feel nice.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
23 hours ago, Hannah Rae said:

So I think you definitely have to be sexually attracted to someone for it to feel nice.

And/or romantically attracted.

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7 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

And/or romantically attracted.

I agree with that. There is a woman I find attractive and I think I would certainly find kissing pleasurable. I don't see it happening but I do not feel a revulsion over it either. 

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Interesting. Could it be perceived as a means of communication, an intimate exchange that goes beyond words? I kind of like how there's no "loss of control" involved as it is in sexual interaction. Still, a great kiss is a rare gem. Mostly I don't even bother.

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32 minutes ago, Angry Pepper said:

Interesting. Could it be perceived as a means of communication, an intimate exchange that goes beyond words? I kind of like how there's no "loss of control" involved as it is in sexual interaction. Still, a great kiss is a rare gem. Mostly I don't even bother.

Years ago as I was reading as much as I could about asexuality and various evolutionary behavior in humans, I came across an article on a theory of the evolution of kissing. I did a quick search and this may be the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201402/the-history-kissing. There is a belief among some researchers that kissing may have evolved from "kiss feeding" of young children where the mother chewed the food and then passed it to the children. By evolution making the experience pleasurable it would have reinforced the behavior to kiss. This would be the same as how a suckling infant is pleasurable to a woman. It reinforced the behavior with the result that the infant got fed. 

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11 minutes ago, Techie said:

Years ago as I was reading as much as I could about asexuality and various evolutionary behavior in humans, I came across an article on a theory of the evolution of kissing. I did a quick search and this may be the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201402/the-history-kissing. There is a belief among some researchers that kissing may have evolved from "kiss feeding" of young children where the mother chewed the food and then passed it to the children. By evolution making the experience pleasurable it would have reinforced the behavior to kiss. This would be the same as how a suckling infant is pleasurable to a woman. It reinforced the behavior with the result that the infant got fed. 

Good read! The kiss feeding to me doesn't explain the involvement of tongue, though. I did read something about foreign saliva improving the immune system. Also funny how deeply rooted kissing is in cultural tradition, such as Roman peasants kissing the emperor's feet. Dogs sometimes lick the feet of a human they wish to submit to. Evolutionary origins are evidently present.

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3 hours ago, Angry Pepper said:

I did read something about foreign saliva improving the immune system.

Yes that definitely seems to be a potential benefit. By introducing foreign germs into the child, it would be much like vaccinating by stimulating the immune system against germs.

 

It sounds disgusting as an "enlightened" society versed in the dangers of germs but prior to the mid-1800's we lived around many dangerous and infectious germs. Cities teamed with horse manure which is often ripe with tetanus. There was diphtheria, typhoid fever, typhus, etc. Many people died from infection but many, who may very well have had superior resistance, survived and passed those traits onto us. It is interesting that the primates known as Bonobo's (https://www.nsf.gov/discoveries/disc_summ.jsp?cntn_id=116843), who have casual sex at the drop of hat and could teach humans I thing or two about it 😂, have been reported to have superior resistance to SIV which is equivalent to HIV in humans. 

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23 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

And/or romantically attracted.

Agreed. :)

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13 hours ago, Angry Pepper said:

Good read! The kiss feeding to me doesn't explain the involvement of tongue, though. I did read something about foreign saliva improving the immune system. Also funny how deeply rooted kissing is in cultural tradition, such as Roman peasants kissing the emperor's feet. Dogs sometimes lick the feet of a human they wish to submit to. Evolutionary origins are evidently present.

The saliva thing, a lot of moms clean off dropped binkies with their own mouths and then give it back to the baby. It can definitely help with the immune system. Babies that are breast fed also tend to have stronger immune systems because their mother is sharing some of her immunity through the milk.

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Kissing is just...ugh. The first word that comes to my mind is “unsanitary” as opposed to something like “romantic.” Idk, it may be a lot of people’s cup of tea but I can’t see the appeal. TBF I’m not romantic or sexual so it’s not really in my nature to enjoy it, but still.

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I have never tried it.  When I was young I thought that it may have been fun, but the older I get the less and less I really have a desire to try it. 

Though I will say that I find being kissed on the cheek to be a very high form of friendly affection. 

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idk, my wife tries to kiss me all the time. We've never really made out because I just don't understand how to enjoy it. She doesn't yet know I'm asexual (sorta, that's a TL;DR). Simply put, kissing is messy, gross, and weird. I don't understand why anybody enjoys it

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I don't know. I personally like the idea behind it.

Like you just kiss the person you love and it's a thing only you do.

I think it's really sweet. A peek on the nose, the forehead or the lips. But I can't tell you why people would love to stick their tongues in each others mouths. 

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It's not the kiss, but who you kiss that has more to do with how it makes you feel. 

 

For me, if I don't love you, kissing will feel wrong to me. Disgusting, even.

 

That, or if you are a horrible kisser. I will try to lead the kiss, but some are so bad there is nothing doing. You have just kissed yourself into a friend zone.

 

If I love the person or really like them, to me the kisses just happened naturally. Never were rushed or pressured. Pressure will make me recoil. The enjoyable ones are effortless.

 

Literally, mid sentence. She shyly looks down at your lips, smiles and you instinctively lean in. Or I have been caught off guard by women initiating them. This can backfire, and unfortunately has before as my instinct was recoiling as they didn't read my body language (I always read the subtle body language prior to initiating one, which is why I have never been rejected).

 

You're not even thinking. To me, those are the ones that make you blush afterwards. Make you nervous, make your heart flutter or just make you want to hold each other afterwards. 

 

Kisses aren't supposed to be tongue sword fights. That to me, is a horrible kisser. 

 

To me if done right, should feel equivalent to someone you love brushing the hair off of your forehead and kissing you on it after telling you they love you. 

 

They don't have to be for you, however. 

 

But when shared between two people who share a respect and affection for one another, can be a very intense and powerful moment.

 

I have been kissed speechless. I have had women play hard to get and poker facing for dates, with me gambling and going in aggressive with a kiss, only to be held and kissed back. 

 

I don't think they are ground breaking. However, can understand their appeal just like I understand why people like to cuddle or hug. 

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