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I think im Demi/Gray-trying to figure it out


pgzc08

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I think im Demi/Gray because I only experience attraction to certain people with certain qualities like for instance smart, disciplined people or really talented dedicated people. Also, I noticed that my attraction starts as emotional and then as I get to know the person it evolves to sexual or physical attraction. For instance, when i was a teen I noticed that I was only attracted to people with blue eyes and platinum blond hair or with almost black hair and eyes but that evolved to a me being more attracted to smart people. Now Physical traits of a person are a plus but they are not the center of the universe for instance this is really obvious when you take me to the movies to see justice league: i'm one of the women who's there to see gal gadot and not Momoa. Also, my attraction can fade away if this person "bores" me with their personality; for example, when hunger games came out, it was the first time i felt emotionally attracted to a woman (jeniffer lawrence) but after watching all the movies that she has done just to see that she does the same thing I got bored.

When i'm in a relationship I need to form a bond with the person before engaging in sexual activity. that means for me establishing trust, friendship, honesty, communication. my sexual desire will fade away when the bond starts deteriorating or when they bore me. I've only had 3 formal/official relationships, and 3 informal/unofficial relationships with males. all of them terminated because of what i mentioned before. Im also a "late bloomer" due to the fact that i had my first boyfriend at 18 while everyone else was having boyfriends at 15 or less. Also, having a boyfriend nor getting married has never been a priority nor rush. 

I did know about axesuals but When I went to a deeper dive into demi/gray it all made sense to me about my experience.

I would greatly appreciate if anyone who reads this to share their experience.

 

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@pgzc08 Welcome to AVEN!

 

I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14, and I'm now 33.

I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship, but there are many Asexuals who have sex, and who do want a relationship.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, but Asexuals can still experience arousal or be attracted to people.

 

There are different kinds of attraction, so you may find this often posted image helpful,

zlo2z.jpg

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I only discovered demi/graysexuality as my final matching orientation about two  years ago but looking back on it now, I've always been demi ever since. Just like you, I first need to connect emotionally wth another person in order to experience sexual attraction. I've only been in love twice. Both times, dedicated to  life-long romantic relationships (one still active at this moment). I certainly have a soft spot for blue eyes and blond hair too but it's not a 'must-have' to gain my attention or interest anyway. Just a personal prefrence ;) I'd like to get married somday eventully but it's not on my priorty list.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Everything you're describing is perfectly normal for at least half, if not more, of sexual people. Just saying.

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2 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

@pgzc08 Welcome to AVEN!

 

I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14, and I'm now 33.

I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship, but there are many Asexuals who have sex, and who do want a relationship.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, but Asexuals can still experience arousal or be attracted to people.

 

There are different kinds of attraction, so you may find this often posted image helpful,

zlo2z.jpg

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

ZWughhv.jpg

thanks for the cute and informative graphic on attraction. most importantly, thank you for the chocolate cake 

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with that information I can definitely say that my attraction to women is more aesthetic. my attraction to men are more of a crush. with my relationships the informal ones were more sexual and the formal ones were romantic, sensual and sexual. 

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1 hour ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I only discovered demi/graysexuality as my final matching orientation about two  years ago but looking back on it now, I've always been demi ever since. Just like you, I first need to connect emotionally wth another person in order to experience sexual attraction. I've only been in love twice. Both times, dedicated in  life-long romantic relationships (one still active at this moment). I certainly have a soft spot for blue eyes and blond hair too but it's not a 'must-have' to gain my attention or interest anyway. Just a personal preefrence ;) I'd like to get married somday eventully but it's not on my priorty list.

 

now that you mention it. I think Ive been truly in love once in my last formal relationship. The first one was more like "im with you because your the 1st person how genuinely likes me and doesn't want to get in my pants"; the second was more like "ill show the 1st one i can move on". Im realizing all of this now after been single for 2 years and feeling that I cant connect with the people I go out with. 

 

Also, its good to hear your stories, thank you for sharing!

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5 hours ago, pgzc08 said:

 

I think im Demi/Gray because I only experience attraction to certain people with certain qualities like for instance smart, disciplined people or really talented dedicated people. 

 

I'm sexual because I experience attraction to all people at all times regardless of what traits they have and I just want to get off with other people 24/7. My life revolves around completely indiscriminate sex.

 

giphy.gif

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5 hours ago, pgzc08 said:

When i'm in a relationship I need to form a bond with the person before engaging in sexual activity. that means for me establishing trust, friendship, honesty, communication.

This is confusing. Do people actually enter relationships before sharing all of this with the other person?

 

5 hours ago, pgzc08 said:

I think im Demi/Gray because I only experience attraction to certain people with certain qualities like for instance smart, disciplined people or really talented dedicated people. Also, I noticed that my attraction starts as emotional and then as I get to know the person it evolves to sexual or physical attraction.

I'm convinced that the vast majority of average sexuals will describe their experiences just like this.

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2 minutes ago, Homer said:

I'm convinced that the vast majority of average sexuals will describe their experiences just like this.

Yup, they will, because the OP is describing literally the most common way of experiencing being a sexual person.

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3 hours ago, Homer said:

This is confusing. Do people actually enter relationships before sharing all of this with the other person?

sorry for the confusion

what I mean is exclusively going out with someone in strictly non-sexual dates for some months where I will learn all of the personal information of a person and still hold off the sex until I feel the connection or will not enjoy the sex at all because i dont feel the connection or its lost. But the answer to your question is yes, i have met people that do that.

3 hours ago, Homer said:

 

I'm convinced that the vast majority of average sexuals will describe their experiences just like this.

Yeah. I see your point since ive met alot of sexuals that have had experiences similar to mine. However,In school or University my experience was different to everyone else; While everyone was changing boyfriends almost monthly or more frequently; having hookups; being boy crazy; afraid of bieng single.... I wasnt, I was like "I aint got time for that". 

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