|k|

First experience with sexual attraction?

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|k|

So I'm just curious, and this is more towards allosexual people when was the first time you've experienced sexual attraction? What was it like? I'm a teenager and I've tried to ask my mom this question but she seems to be demisexual from her answers, so it's not really that helpful. I just want to get an idea of the average age range. 

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Ceebs.

I honestly don't know how to answer this. I'm a sexual person, but I don't know how one really defines sexual attraction. Depending on what counts, either 11, 14, 18, 23 or 29.

 

No, I'm not trying to be ridiculous... I guess tell me how you define "sexual attraction" and I'll tell you if/when I first experienced whatever you're talking about.

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Ficto.
25 minutes ago, |k| said:

 but she seems to be demisexual from her answers, so it's not really that helpful.

You'll find this is quite common because a lot of sexual people are more like how demisexual is commonly defined around here as opposed to the myths that circulate about how regular people feel and behave :P It's relatively common for someone to not experience sexual attraction too often, or to not feel it that strongly, or to only experience it once an emotional bond has formed. These people are just less vocal hence why so many aces seem to think they don't exist (or that they must be somewhere on the ace spectrum if they do exist, lol)

 

I was 28ish when I finally felt a desire to truly connect sexually with another person. He was on the other side of the world so we didn't get to actually have sex, but I felt sexual attraction for him in a way I never have for anyone else. 

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|k|
34 minutes ago, FictoCannibal. said:

You'll find this is quite common because a lot of sexual people are more like how demisexual is commonly defined around here as opposed to the myths that circulate about how regular people feel and behave :P It's relatively common for someone to not experience sexual attraction too often, or to not feel it that strongly, or to only experience it once an emotional bond has formed. These people are just less vocal hence why so many aces seem to think they don't exist (or that they must be somewhere on the ace spectrum if they do exist, lol)

Oh okay, thank you for helping me understand. I just got this idea of people being super sexual and stuff from the media mostly, which I should have guessed is totally inaccurate. That was really helpful, thanks

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|k|
48 minutes ago, asshole said:

I guess tell me how you define "sexual attraction" and I'll tell you if/when I first experienced whatever you're talking about.

I guess, when was around the time you became interested in sex, or when you first wanted to have sex with another person. 

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anisotropic

What ficto said! And I think of my sexuality as pretty typical allo. My partner identifies as ace.

 

For me, at 18 after getting into my first dating relationship in college. I'd tried one "date" in high school, but it felt weird/forced. Before this phase in college, I was curious about the topic of sex and had masturbated only rarely, and didn't feel any desire for anyone. I'm a bit more than twice this old now & have felt attraction to various people, always male & after I get to know them.

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Ceebs.
27 minutes ago, |k| said:

I guess, when was around the time you became interested in sex, or when you first wanted to have sex with another person. 

Well the first time I had a crush on someone I was 11, but I most definitely didn't want sex then. The first time I thought about what might sex be like, I suppose 14-15... but I still didn't want to have it. The first time I wondered "Is this the person I'm going to end up having sex with for the first time?", I was 18. They weren't the first person after all. Plus I still wasn't really ready to be having it. The first time I thought "I think maybe I want to have sex with this person", I was 23. But I also cried because for some reason that I couldn't identify, I also didn't want to. That's actually a really uncomfortable memory and perhaps should've been a sign of some sort. I quite literally thought "This is the person I'm going to lose my virginity to" and I thought I loved them... but I cried at the idea. But they were indeed the first person I had sex with, when I was 24. The sex itself was whatever, the person was wrong because it turns out I'm gay. The first time I thought, ok, I finally get it... this whole sexuality thing, sex and love being connected, etc... it all makes sense to me and I genuinely want to have sex with this person and I'm completely comfortable with it and there's no weirdness and it feels natural to me... 29. (I'm 33 now.)

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bare_trees

This one is hard for me because I'm a cardiophile, and for me, cardiophilia is sort of like sex.  And it's great because I dislike penetration and it doesn't involve that.  I can remember wanting to engage in that with people I'd been attracted to as early as elementary school.

 

The first time I felt the desire to do anything that I guess would be considered typical sexual activity was with a girlfriend when I was 30 (I'm 36 now).

 

It's an interesting topic for sure.  At my work, I overhear young middle school-aged (11-13 year old) kids talking about all the sex they're having, and it's part of why I sometimes think that sexual people generally want to become sexual early on.  But a great deal of what I overhear could just be kids trying to impress each other, and not a reflection of what they really feel. 

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Anthracite_Impreza

@bare_trees Can I ask what a cardiophile is? I daren't google it and I'm not sure my Latin (cardio = heart) is right in this situation...

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bare_trees

@Anthracite_Impreza  Sure.  It's when you get aroused listening to someone's heartbeat, or when someone else listens to your heart.  (It depends on the person, too--some cardiophiles like listening more than being listened to, or vice versa).  For a long time, I thought it was the only way I would ever get aroused.  Since it didn't lead to wanting to do anything else sexual with whoever I was sharing this with, it was always difficult to call it sexual.  

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Philip027

As someone who used to be traumatized as a kid due to hearing this strange incessant pounding sound that felt like it was coming from my own head when laying in bed and trying to sleep, and not knowing what it was until many years later... I think it's safe to say I could never be a cardiophile @_@

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songchick

I am not sure.  (I'm possibly ace, so I'm not an allosexual entirely to answer the question.)  My first crush was a desire to be friends with a male person in 7th grade.  My crushes thereafter have mostly been this type of thing.  Wanting to be close friends to someone, and then maybe an intimate relationship after a friendship is established.

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