Seeking new ideas - How to pamper an asexual?

[anamikanon]

Looking for new ideas to pamper my ace. Romantic of course and not sexual, also of course. Obviously, this will be different for different people, but am wondering whether there is a "sweet spot" for an ace that sexuals miss. Or some aspect.

 

My ace appears to enjoy activities together. And me cooking him stuff. Watching films together. Books. All of which I've done tons of till it is more a caring habit rather than a treat. Not so much into his "self" in the sense of even massages or say lotions/scents/clothes kind of stuff. Doesn't like physical objects/gadgets so much either. He's a minimalist and giving him something can be more like adding clutter to his life unless I nail it. The sexual's easy treat shortcut of blissing him into oblivion with sex is out, naturally. He is a most difficult person to treat.

 

Which of course my mind takes as a challenge.

 

He likes the quirky and stuff that appeals to his thinking/ideology. Mental stuff more than physical. Loves to play scrabble too. Loves coffee. Reading. FOOD. Describes himself as "I'm textual". One very successful gift in the past was a custom printed mug totally crammed with various quotes on it. Some he'd never heard of but liked. And a couple that were his all time favorites. But now I have done that and a few other mugs have happened since too, for gifting. Now what.

 

So, my dear secret weapon community, bring on the ideas?

 

I bet many of you will find good use for any ideas that come up too 😛

[daveb]

hmm, tough question given all you said.

 

As for gifts, the best ones for me are either things I never thought to buy for myself (inexpensive, but useful things especially), or something the gifter made themself like a painting or snack box or pillow, or something very personal to me (given some of my quirks).

 

As for romantic gestures, I don't have much experience with that, either as the recipient or the instigator, so I'm not sure what would be good beyond the things you mentioned, cooking a meal, watching a movie together, or other time spent together. For me that could include playing board games, visiting museums and zoos and stuff, some non-sexual physical intimacy like back scratches, facial caressing, cuddling on a cold night, with no pressure or expectation of sex. I guess one thing that could be nice for me is if my loved one planned something, including making all arrangements, transportation as needed, and all of that.

 

Hopefully others will have better answers and ideas!  

[AspieAlly613]

I can't really give any good ideas besides "you two sound perfect for each other, keep up the good work and keep living the good life."

 

It's really good that you found a set of romantic activities that you enjoy, and recognized them as such.  Without a sense of why he likes those things, though, I can't suggest which other things would be similarly enjoyable.

 

Consider any activity that he liked a lot and you didn't like so much.  Some people would view that as "wow, she's willing to go through this for me," while others would be uncomfortable with the sense of debt and pressure, or even lose trust, thinking "if she's only pretending to like these things because I do, what else is she pretending about?  Why does she feel the need to pretend around me..."

 

In short, the list of reasons that people like certain gestures varies as much as the list of gestures people like does.

[anamikanon]

Already done the things that are known good ideas. All further exploration seems a gamble. Need to ambush him with something he'll enjoy.

 

He.... has a telescope. To the best of my knowledge, he hasn't used it in the past year, but he has mentioned on and off that he'd like to go to the roof of the building and use it some day. Last time he said it, it was rainy, foggy weather. Never brought it up again. A picnic dinner with the telescope sound like a potential idea?

 

Never been into star gazing, so no idea if this is the sort of thing that works as a surprise activity. Frankly, I don't even know what we are supposed to do.

 

Low risk version: I can take the telescope and him up and ask him to show me? That way, if he isn't in the mood or it won't work, we don't go. No harm, no foul. Downside: no planned ambience to surprise him with (he likes that).

 

*****

 

He also likes that I'm super geeky and DIY. He's brought me useful things on and off that he thought would be useful to something I was doing, that he clearly did as something special for me. They haven't fit what I needed in a project directly so far, but it is good stuff, so I thanked him, but haven't actually used them. He's asked me how I found them on and off, so clearly it matters to him that they were useful. Maybe taking some time to find use for them in a creative way is also a kind of treat? "Look what I did with what you gave me" kind of thing.

 

Probably as a low key treat. Mostly because he seems to be a lot more interested in pleasing me than himself and I'm easy to please, so low hanging fruit of sorts...

[anamikanon]

18 minutes ago, daveb said:

...board games, visiting museums and zoos and stuff .... if my loved one planned something, including making all arrangements, transportation as needed, and all of that.

Good stuff! On it!

[Duke Memphis]

Maybe you could give him a brain teaser that's only answered by following a series of clues.

[anisotrophic]

Quirky and textual, thinking and reading... The Etymologicon is a fun book.

[anamikanon]

22 minutes ago, anisotropic said:

Quirky and textual, thinking and reading... The Etymologicon is a fun book.

On it! Sounds totally him!

[iff]

26 minutes ago, anisotropic said:

Quirky and textual, thinking and reading... The Etymologicon is a fun book.

I really enjoyed that book

 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Spa days, Experience days come to mind. 

I know what I'd like - some sessions with the local sports physio!

[Guest]

Honestly, when I was with my exes I wasnt into sexually but was romantically the best treat for me was just a movie and cuddle time. Now I am into my spouse sexually, its still one of the best treats. Doesnt matter how often it happens I could cuddle for hours a day if allowed. 😛

 

For gifts, you know your partners likes and dislikes best. 

[Rosaline]

Great post  If he likes to read, you could have some fun and switch it up with an Audible.com subscription. I don't always have time to sit down with a book, so listening to books with a great narrator on my bluetooth during a commute, cleaning the house, or going for a run for example has been something I've come to love!

[anamikanon]

12 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

Spa days, Experience days come to mind. 

I know what I'd like - some sessions with the local sports physio!

He doesn't seem to enjoy being touched, though he enjoys touching me. So far, he's never rarely accepted massages etc unless there actually is a problem (stiffness/pain/etc)

[ryn2]

Does he like theatre or live music or anything?  An event plus dinner could be fun.

[Lara Black]

Well, it’s tough to please my ace partner, too. And my partner sounds a bit like yours in the tastes aspect.

The most successful gifts I’ve given him were rare printed books – something neither of us could buy in a shot and that had to be hunted down in collectors’ hands.

[anamikanon]

On 11/13/2018 at 12:32 PM, anisotropic said:

Quirky and textual, thinking and reading... The Etymologicon is a fun book.

Got him that. Instant textual orgasm. This was a WIN.

 

@ryn2this sounds like something he'd really enjoy. Now for me to figure out something I can live with too.

 

@Lara Blackthis is a good idea.

[anisotrophic]

6 hours ago, anamikanon said:

Got him that. Instant textual orgasm. This was a WIN.

😂 haha, so happy to hear it was a hit!  it's a fun book.