A cuddle spectrum?

[Mr. Pie]

- Snuggling: Yeah, but just in a friendly way.

- Spooning:  No, unless it was a way to keep me warm.  Otherwise it makes me feel a little to claustrophobic.

- Back/neck rubs: Eh.  I really don't feel one way or the other about them.  However I have no scruples about giving them.

- Kissing no tongue: Not interested at all.  Though I do not mind a friendly kiss on the cheek.

- Kissing tongue: NO! Sorry, but I don't find the idea of someone else's tongue in my mouth pleasurable at all.

- Kissing other than mouth:  Not really interested, and it would probably make me a bit uncomfortable. 

- Holding Hands:  No.  Its a nice gesture, but it would makes me a little uncomfortable if I do it for a period of time. 

- Head Message:  I don't mind it if the person is doing it in a playful way.

- Playing with Hair: Dosn't bother me at all.

- Foot Rub:  No!  I don't want someone touching my feet, and I have no desire to touch others.

- Laying in same bed:  As long as the person knows I have no attraction to them I have no problem with it. 

 

This isn't on the list, but I do love giving and receiving hugs!

[OnlyDreaming]

I'm still figuring out where I am on so many things... but as far as I'v got is that I'm an Asexual, "partly?" aromantic, that's looking for something queerplatonic (it's like a jungle with all these definitions, ha ha).

So, in short, Yes, I do enjoy intimacy but only on my terms. And only with people I know really well or are in a relationship with. If people want more than me I get extremely uncomfortable.

 

Snuggling (spooning) - Sometimes, I enjoy being the "big spoon" then I can just roll away when I've "had enough". I hate feeling stuck.

Back rubs neck rubs - Yes please.

Kissing no tongue - Yep.

Kissing with tongue - Tried it. No, it's just awkward. And gross. Prefer open mouthed kisses without tongue in that case..

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) - sometimes... with the right person.. I enjoy kisses on/around my ears...

Holding hands - Yep.

Head massages and playing with hair - Yes please.

Foot rubs- Yep.

Laying in the same bed - YES Please, talk to me all night and them we fall asleep whiles talking...

 

I'm also not sex repulsed, I just have issues with being intimate and would rather not ever have sex.

[General]

On Monday, November 12, 2018 at 8:31 PM, grey goose said:

So my ignorance is always showing up when I find out new data on my fellow aces. Recently my misconception that all aces enjoyed snuggling and kissing has been trashed like a bag of garbage left in a raccoon infested neighborhood overnight for trash pickup day. So for full disclosure I love snuggling, kissing and just being touchy intimate with back rubs and head rubs to match. The number of people who DON'T enjoy these acts surprised me. So what sort of intimacy do you enjoy and are open to? For example...

Snuggling (spooning)

Back rubs neck rubs

Kissing no tongue

Kissing with tongue

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc)

Holding hands

Head messages and playing with hair

Foot rubs

Laying in the same bed

 

* I'm also curious if being sex repulsed has a correlation 

Again for full disclosure I'm not sex repulsed just experience no pleasure.

I'm open to everything on that list except French kissing.  Can't handle that, not a fan of penetration or swapping bodily fluids.  I'm a demiromantic ace by the way.  Very affectionate person towards someone I'm interested in, but definitely sex repulsed.

[EngineeRaven]

So I wouldn't call myself sex-repulsed, I'm usually indifferent. The thought can cause mild disgust or panic if I'm tired. I think I'd prefer a completely sexless relationship.

 

Snuggling (spooning): Hell yes!

Back rubs neck rubs: Yes, if the other person can put up with the initial squirming.

Kissing no tongue: Should be fine? Tried it once. Didn't feel special, but wasn't that awful if I don't count the fact I was almost panicking. xD

Kissing with tongue: Sounds... gross. Okay, not gross, but I have no idea what the method is. Like... I don't have that inner step-by-step guide I think allo people have. What are the tongues even supposed to do?

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): Mildly, maybe? If the other person warns me first.

Holding hands: Yup, it's cute.

Head messages and playing with hair: YES. SO. MUCH. YES.

Foot rubs: I don't have much experience, but why not?

Laying in the same bed: Yes, it's like snuggling, but with sleep. It's fine. (As long as I get my alone-night-time when I need it.)

[greynonomous]

The fact I do like cuddles and physical closeness was what confused me for the longest time.

Snuggling (spooning): yes, both as big and little spoon

Back rubs neck rubs: yes.

Kissing no tongue: sometimes

Kissing with tongue: sometimes

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): sometimes

Holding hands: not really

Head messages and playing with hair: yes

Foot rubs: only as part of a pedicure

Laying in the same bed: sure

[JaxAlligator]

EVERYTHING! Just give me everything on that list. Massages to.  JUST NOT SEX.

 

 

 

[GoneForGood]

I like everything on the original list other than the kissing on the lips with/without tongue

[Life With Masks]

Everything drastically depends on the person. If I don't feel safe and don't know the person well beforehand, I won't enjoy any of the actions. Most of the time, I prefer giving than receiving. Receiving affection most of the time makes me feel uncomfortable, might feel like a threat although there's none, but I love to give affection to others. Assuming I feel safe with said person:

 

Snuggling (spooning): yes please!

Back rubs neck rubs: I don't care

Kissing no tongue: please no

Kissing with tongue: gross

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): no

Holding hands: yes, it makes me feel safe.

Head messages and playing with hair: I prefer giving than receiving, but both are a yes! I like head pats.

Foot rubs: gross

Laying in the same bed: on the right mood and right person is the best, otherwise no. I most likely might be unable to sleep otherwise.

 

[Bloc]

With the right person everything on the list. But it really depends on the person.

[Diadem of 12 Stars]

I love this:
 

Snuggling (spooning): I'll deck you.

Back rubs neck rubs: Nope

Kissing no tongue: I tried it, don't like it.

Kissing with tongue: It still grosses me out.

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): Also tried this, no thanks

Holding hands: ... Barely tolerable.

Head messages and playing with hair: I like messing with hair, so yes, sure. But then I'll talk about styling and coloring it.

Foot rubs: Nope

Laying in the same bed: I can only do this with a close friend and we're not even remotely attracted to someone. Pretty sure she's the only one. 

 

Overall, I don't like being close to people; I get upset with lines and crowds as it is and this could partially be to trauma, so nah.

[banana247]

Have you ever encountered a cat, and she acknowledges you and is focused on you, as if waiting for your next move, and she looks super chill and you want to pet her, but you hesitate because you're have a feeling she might freak and claw your face off? That's sort of what I'm like. I don't like being touched at all most times, and it is quite likely that I'll claw your face off if you touch me unprovoked xD

 

When on dates in the past, I've always been sort of curious as to whether he would ever try to suggest or initiate any of these things, but I feel like maybe guys pick up on the unpredictably of it and decide to play it safe. Lol. Smart move.

 

That said, I am very touchy with a select few close friends. My best and I hold hands, cuddle, share a bed, and kiss each other's faces (like a peck on the cheek). She's allowed to touch me if she wants, and I adore it. But it's throughly platonic and very exclusive.

[FiguredMyselfOut]

For me and my s/o:

 

Snuggling (spooning) - Yes! My favorite thing ever

Back rubs neck rubs - Back rubs please, I love my lower back being touched

Kissing no tongue - Yes

Kissing with tongue - yes, but only a s/o and not too much

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) - neck for hickeys and stomach (receiving)

Holding hands - Yes- my second favorite thing

Head messages and playing with hair - yes

Foot rubs - No, that's gross

Laying in the same bed - Yes please

[kiaroskuro]

On 11/13/2018 at 5:31 AM, grey goose said:

Head messages

Yes, please. Like telepathy, right? That's totally my sort of thing

[Smol Fox]

No for all of the above, except maybe sharing a bed (but no touchy). The only sort of touching I'm okay with is when you're sitting close to someone you like and your arms passively touch. Otherwise don't touch me thanks : )

[GoneForGood]

17 minutes ago, smolfox1132 said:

No for all of the above, except maybe sharing a bed (but no touchy). The only sort of touching I'm okay with is when you're sitting close to someone you like and your arms passively touch. Otherwise don't touch me thanks : )

hahaha, That is actually one of the touches that I don't like.

[General]

6 hours ago, kiaroskuro said:

Yes, please. Like telepathy, right? That's totally my sort of thing

I'm crying LMAOOO 😂

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

I'm fine with everything but foot rubs and french kisses. 

[grey goose]

On 1/2/2019 at 6:10 AM, kiaroskuro said:

Yes, please. Like telepathy, right? That's totally my sort of thing

LOL, you've found my weakness. I'm a bad speeler....... LOL

[ciaraft]

I like this format that some folks are going for, answering point by point! 

 

Snuggling (spooning): Snuggling yes, but I can't be bothered by spooning sometimes. I also can't sleep pressed up against another person, I overheat too quickly and need my own space to move and be comfortable with myself.

Back rubs neck rubs: I've got no issue with either.

Kissing no tongue: Super enjoyable to me.

Kissing with tongue: Also super super enjoyable to me!

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): This I really enjoy, just as long as it's not slowly leading me into a pit of foreplay that I don't want too terribly bad haha.

Holding hands: Definitely one of my favourite things!

Head messages and playing with hair: I love love love getting my hair played with, and also really enjoy mindlessly doing it to a partner.

Foot rubs: Not super happy giving or receiving, but mostly because my feet are ticklish, and I don't enjoy feet in general. 

Laying in the same bed: Accompanied with cuddling is cool, sleeping next to another person is also cool. Again, super enjoyable! 

 

I seriously did enjoy reading through this thread and seeing how different individuals preferences vary! I love that each of us is our own person, some with lots and some with little similarities. I think it's super neat! 

[Mezzo Forte]

I grew up in a rather tactile family, and especially as my dysphoria's been mitigated, I've been enjoying platonic touch more and more. More recently, I've even started experiencing sensual attraction, though it's only been to one person so far, (my dear friend,) and I've even found appeal in types of touch that I wasn't as into before. (When I'm drunk, I get very tactile/affectionate, especially with my dear friend.) That said, I only like giving touch to the person I'm attracted to, but I enjoy receiving touch from most people, so long as it's clearly seen as platonic.

 

Snuggling (spooning): Never tried it, but would probably mainly enjoy that with my dear friend.
Back rubs neck rubs: Especially love receiving these, particularly from people who are good at giving massages. I apparently give pretty solid massages, but I only really enjoy doing so when sensual attraction's involved. I give my dear friend a lot of massages so that my desire for platonic touch is more mutually beneficial.
Kissing no tongue: Never understood it, and never got anything from it in the past.
Kissing with tongue: Never tried it, never really been interested either.
Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): Not terribly interested.
Holding hands: Never liked it growing up, yet drunk me immediately just always seems to go for my dear friend's hand.  I think it's something I only enjoy if neither of us need our hands for something, so it usually only happens if we're watching movies while drunk in our apartment.
Head messages and playing with hair: yes to both, and I feel about the same about these as I do back/neck rubs. There's times when I'll just really want to play with my friend's beard, and I also always offer head massages when people have headaches because I know where a lot of the tension/pressure tends to sit.
Foot rubs: I'm all for receiving them, but for some reason, I don't feel all that comfortable massaging people below the waist, and that makes giving foot massages a little too awkward for me.
Laying in the same bed: I've shared beds with colleagues I don't know as well while traveling and haven't had issues. I think I'd enjoy laying down with my dear friend, but he does have a rather loud snore, so I can only share a room with him if I bring earplugs to sleep in.  (Long term, I need my privacy and generally prefer having a bed to myself, but just laying together sounds nice.)

[blueyoshi]

I think I'd be ok with everything on the list except French kissing (blech), and I'm not sure about normal kissing. And I don't really want to touch feet but I'm ok with my feet being rubbed 😅

[NordicNoir]

For me it is:

Snuggling (spooning): Yes, but not too long. 

Back rubs neck rubs: No.

Kissing no tongue. Yes

Kissing with tongue: NO

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): Yes for neck, face, arms and hands. Ears NO. 

Holding hands: yes

Head messages and playing with hair. No. Not a fan of hair. I am, however, a fan of beards. 

Foot rubs: To receive: Yes. To give: No. 

Laying in the same bed. Yes, but only with a romantic partner. 

 

What I enjoy most on "the cuddle spectrum" is to be held and hugged and having my face gently touched. 

[Shiloh_Rose]

Honestly I'm pretty touch starved, single, and never been remotely intimate so I I'm not entirely sure but...
-cuddling in general to me sounds nice, and
-I lovee massages (from people I know), cause my back and shoulders are bleh so I really appreciate those.
-No to kissing unless its like, light, on the cheek or forehead or just... not mouth and not /smooching/. XD
-Holding hands yeah
-Laying in same bed maybe if it was to watch something, but falling asleep probably not, cause I can get really antsy and tossing-turning and need to 'breathe', I like my space in that regard.
-Foot rubs nah, me and feet are not friends : p unless socks are on.
-Hugging yeah but the like, the /good/ hugs. No sidehugs or that fudge. Unless of course I'm in the NO TOUCHING mood
-forehead to forehead thing? like I do with my cat. I love that. it calms me. dunno why. Like a fist bump. But gentler, and with your forehead instead of your fists.

I *think* it'd be like cat stuff, you know with the puddles and the like let's just... lay however. Casual touch stuff, but not 'oh I'mma jab my finger in your side cause it's funny!' (I get really, realllllly mad when people do that to me, instant rage, dunno why). But I'm not actually sure because at the same time I'll get really bladjr;karfjdas NO TOUCHING! (which is also like a cat, I suppose, lol)

 

[Naberius]

*inhales* I'm still single and many of these things I never did soo...

Let's start

Snuggling (spooning): Hmm... I don't know because I never tried it plus I have some trouble even with hugs <I do it really rare> so it's can be problematic to me <Writing this I have Déjà vu>

Back rubs neck rubs: Of course, it's so relaxing  

Kissing no tongue: Nah... 

Kissing with tongue: NOPE definitely no

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): Nah... But little kisses in a check, forehead or hair sounds good for me

Holding hands: That's not for me 

Head messages and playing with hair: Yeah, it's nice plus it's stress-relieving

Foot rubs: NO

Laying in the same bed: I'm okay with this 

[MLJ]

Snuggling (spooning): yes

Back rubs neck rubs: no

Kissing no tongue: I'd like to figure out how to like kissing, but so far no

Kissing with tongue: nope

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): I like neck and back kissing, that's about it

Holding hands: yes

Head messages and playing with hair: no

Foot rubs: no

Laying in the same bed: yes

 

I'm not a touchy-feely sort of person, but if I feel close to someone I do like things like giving hugs and cuddling.

[Sweet Potato]

Yes:
hugs and snuggles

kissing with no tongue
back, shoulder, neck massage

hand holding

no:
laying in the same bed. seriously! I have a small bed for a reason, only enough room for me.

touching my hair.
kissing other than the mouth
kissing with tongue

I am a somewhere between sex neutral and averse. Not repulsed.

 

[AkemiM]

On 11/13/2018 at 1:32 AM, drolrevo said:

I am same way. I love all of those activities.

but...seriously I see people do SAME ACTIVITIES with their dog or cat.

When I do stuff like that I think of other person as a pet.

I know it sounds wrong but....that is how I am.

 

OMG my BF jokes that I am basically his cat (he lives with his sister who is extremely allergic) because head rubs are my off switch XP 

[AkemiM]

Depends on who it is, but for my partner.

Snuggling (spooning): Always, but I like face to face snuggles too, because I like to be able to see him too 

Back rubs neck rubs: sure 

Kissing no tongue: yup. We talked about this when we first started dating, cuz he wanted to know what I got out of kissing, and it is for me a way to show affection.

Kissing with tongue: Fine with it from time to time. I do find it awkward but enjoyable 

Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): Yes please. 

Holding hands: The only PDA that I like, because minimal amount of making other people uncomfortable.

Head messages and playing with hair: OMahskdfjsfhkjsahekwefeG YAS! I love my head pats and people playing with my hair. Like... if you want me to shut up that's the way to do it. 

Foot rubs: Do. Not. Touch. My. Feet. Unless. I. Expressly. Ask. You. To. Or. Else. You. Are. Taking. Your. Life. Into. Your. Own. Hands. 

Laying in the same bed: :3 Goes with snuggling in my books. 

[SeeYa]

Even with friends and family I tend to be very touch-averse. (Not that any of them care)
However assuming I was in some kind of vaguely romantic relationship with someone my list would be:
Hugs: occasionally.
Spooning: NO, GO AWAY! PERSONAL SPACE!
Snuggles: probably okay.
Holding Hands: okay.

back/neck rubs (or any other massage thingies): HELL NO! STOP TOUCHING ME CREEP!
Head Rubs/Hair ruffles: NO!
Head pats: Fine but I will pout and glare at you anyways.
Same bed: Nope, I need space to sleep.
Kissing: Forehead only, otherwise: NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!
Cat-style forehead nuzzle things: okay.

[Laplace]

Generally, physically contact is sorta iffy for me. But, I’d probably be alright with...

1. Head pats or tousling the hair: this isn’t too intimate and wouldn’t bother me beyond the fact I might have to readjust my hair. 

2. Pat on the back: I do this to friends and family so I’m okay with it being done to me.

3. Holding hands: generally okay just don’t get frisky.

And then I might be alright with...

1. Back/neck rub: it can be relaxing as long as it’s done with the intent to cause relaxation. If it’s done in teasing/flirty manner, shields up 😟.

2. Foot rub: same as above.

3. Sleeping in the same bed: I have done it with friends and family; it doesn’t bother me unless the other person crosses the divide.

Under extremely specific circumstances (and even then only maybe):

1. Cuddling/spooning: seems too intense for comfort; but if a good friend asked very nicely, didn’t smell bad 😅, and didn’t try to like grope me, I’d consider it. I could just see it as hugging while lying down I suppose.

2. Kissing: only quick pecks maybe for someone who is nearly like family and only if they ask or do one very politely first. Kissing with tongue needs a REALLY good reason (the person is close to me and it’s like their last wish if they may not make it through something).