grey goose Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 So my ignorance is always showing up when I find out new data on my fellow aces. Recently my misconception that all aces enjoyed snuggling and kissing has been trashed like a bag of garbage left in a raccoon infested neighborhood overnight for trash pickup day. So for full disclosure I love snuggling, kissing and just being touchy intimate with back rubs and head rubs to match. The number of people who DON'T enjoy these acts surprised me. So what sort of intimacy do you enjoy and are open to? For example... Snuggling (spooning) Back rubs neck rubs Kissing no tongue Kissing with tongue Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) Holding hands Head messages and playing with hair Foot rubs Laying in the same bed * I'm also curious if being sex repulsed has a correlation Again for full disclosure I'm not sex repulsed just experience no pleasure. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 It sounds to me like you're a sensual asexual. Sensual asexuals enjoy snuggling, smooching, bathing together, long nekked massages, all kinds of intimate contact (that just never leads to a desire to actually connect sexually with the other person for an asexual). Non-sensual aces don't enjoy that kind of contact (even if they're romantic) and go out of their way to avoid it!! In my time here (since 2013) I've met as many sensual aces as non-sensual aces and it doesn't seem to have any correlation with whether or not they're sex repulsed (as all aces lack an innate desire to connect sexually with other people for their own pleasure and satisfaction regardless of whether they're sex-repulsed, sex-neutral, or sex-positive). There are also fully sexual people who are repulsed by romantic and sensual intimacy (my ex was like that - he just wanted the sex and nothing else, urgh). I myself don't ID as ace, but unless I have a very deep emotional bond with someone I am repulsed even by the idea of standing too near another person You won't catch me hand-holding or kissing or cuddling another person unless I am very, very deeply emotionally attracted to them and even then, I know I can want that theoretically but haven't tried it out physically yet! Great profile pic and About Me page by the way :3 Link to post Share on other sites
Salmiakki Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 All of those things except for foot rubs sound heavenly... in fantasy. People better not touch me in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
drolrevo Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 49 minutes ago, FictoCannibal. said: It sounds to me like you're a sensual asexual. I am same way. I love all of those activities. but...seriously I see people do SAME ACTIVITIES with their dog or cat. When I do stuff like that I think of other person as a pet. I know it sounds wrong but....that is how I am. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 I think you're going to find a range. One size does not fit all. I am not sex-repulsed (just don't want to be involved in any way with it, not even to see it). I don't care for kissing, and tongues are right out. I like back scratching, facial caresses, hugs, maybe cuddling, with the right person. Spooning is meh (maybe on a cold night, but even then I'd rather sleep in my own bed). Not sure about foot rubs or any kind of massages (I would probably be more likely to consider going to a professional masseuse, unless I had a partner who know how to do massages well). Holding hands is okay, but not a big deal either way for me. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 I’m guessing how touchy-cuddly someone is doesn’t correlate with being ace (or not being ace). Plenty of sexual people do not enjoy some or all of what the OP listed, or only enjoy it as part of sexual activity and not more generally (e.g., they might be okay with someone touching their hair or scalp during/as a precursor to sex but not at any other time). I was actually just thinking yesterday that people tend to use the terms “snuggling” and “cuddling” on here a lot, and I have to wonder if those terms mean different things to different people. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 3 minutes ago, ryn2 said: I’m guessing how touchy-cuddly someone is doesn’t correlate with being ace (or not being ace). Plenty of sexual people do not enjoy some or all of what the OP listed, or only enjoy it as part of sexual activity and not more generally (e.g., they might be okay with someone touching their hair or scalp during/as a precursor to sex but not at any other time). I was actually just thinking yesterday that people tend to use the terms “snuggling” and “cuddling” on here a lot, and I have to wonder if those terms mean different things to different people. Good points. I agree. I use these dictionary definitions: cud·dle verb gerund or present participle: cuddling hold close in one's arms as a way of showing love or affection. lie or sit close and snug. snug·gle verb gerund or present participle: snuggling settle into a warm, comfortable position. Link to post Share on other sites
Greengreengrass Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 13 hours ago, grey goose said: So my ignorance is always showing up when I find out new data on my fellow aces. Recently my misconception that all aces enjoyed snuggling and kissing has been trashed like a bag of garbage left in a raccoon infested neighborhood overnight for trash pickup day. So for full disclosure I love snuggling, kissing and just being touchy intimate with back rubs and head rubs to match. The number of people who DON'T enjoy these acts surprised me. So what sort of intimacy do you enjoy and are open to? For example... Snuggling (spooning) Back rubs neck rubs Kissing no tongue Kissing with tongue Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) Holding hands Head messages and playing with hair Foot rubs Laying in the same bed * I'm also curious if being sex repulsed has a correlation Again for full disclosure I'm not sex repulsed just experience no pleasure. I'm only open to holding hands and hugging. Link to post Share on other sites
Koning Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 I think it truly depends on the individual and the situation whether they like it or not. To the question whether I personally enjoy them; Back/neck rubs: Yes, but most people I know are allowed to rub my neck/back. I don't view it as something very intimate. Foot rubs: Probably no, my feet are just sensitive Kissing with tongue: I liked it in theory, but actually doing it felt weird. I'm open to do it again (in a relationship), but I don't need to. I prefer regular kisses. Kissing no tongue: Yes, I prefer them short Kissing other than mouth, snuggling and holding hands: Yes, definitely Laying in the same bed: Yes, if it's in combination with e.g. cuddling Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Bearing in mind my QP-bro is a car I'll have to edit some of these Snuggling (spooning) - Snuggling yes, spooning isn't really possible Back rubs neck rubs - He likes his roof being rubbed Kissing no tongue - Yes, muchly Kissing with tongue - Eww no. Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) - Obviously Holding hands tyres/rims - Yes Head messages and playing with hair - Not possible? Foot Tyre rubs? - I suppose? My hand would get covered in road dirt though :c Laying in the same bed - I would if I could I'm sex repulsed and absolutely will not do any of these things with humans (well, I'll sleep in the same bed as someone on a sleepover but no touchy). Link to post Share on other sites
dentedcanoe Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Pretty much all those things! I'm into most things allo's are into up until the part where you get your bits out. I think I am less into kissing with tongue than most people but I still like it some. Link to post Share on other sites
Kia Hiraeth Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Most of the time I can't stand to be touched in any way, but when I do find someone with whom I do like being touched by, I would say I like it all as long as there is no penetration, so no kissing with tongue let alone other sexy time stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
SilentRose Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Most of those activities I am fine with and can even enjoy in small doses, but I don't understand people who can cuddle for hours on end. I do find enjoyment from most of those activities though if it's with the right person and I feel safe. Snuggling (spooning) -okay for a few minutes, but I get bored of this easily. And while sleeping I really need my space, no spooning at night! Back rubs neck rubs: love! Kissing no tongue: enjoy most of the time Kissing with tongue: enjoy most of the time but not for too long or too sloppy Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): love!! I love to kiss my partner's neck and vice versa. A lot of sensation there and feels very intimate too in a way other parts of the body don't? Maybe that's just me. Holding hands: like, makes me feel safe in a way. Head messages and play ing with hair: love!! Especially back massages. Foot rubs: okay. Never tried it. Feet gross me out so I could never do it for someone, if someone really wanted to do it to me they could give it a go? Laying in the same bed: usually enjoy. I generally prefer sleeping alone but can enjoy sharing a bed as long as we have our space. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Luck Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Snuggling (spooning) --- Yes, definitely. Back rubs neck rubs --- Yes (I like both giving and receiving these, but I like giving them more). Kissing no tongue --- No desire for it, but not repulsed either. Kissing with tongue --- Definitely not. Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) --- Maybe? Holding hands --- Yes. Head messages and playing with hair --- Meh. Foot rubs --- NO. Laying in the same bed --- Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Snuggling (spooning) --- No Back rubs neck rubs --- I don't want to do/receive any 'massage' type stuff Kissing no tongue --- Fine with it in romantic relationship Kissing with tongue --- Fine with it in romantic relationship Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) --- Neck would be okay as long a it's not part of a sexual advance, also romance only Holding hands --- No. I don't hate it, but I don't get anything out of it. It's "useless" to me. Head messages and playing with hair --- I actually really like this, I think it's really cute Foot rubs --- No (see my 'massage' comment above) Laying in the same bed --- Will only do this if needed, I don't inherently mind, but I don't like being touched when I'm trying to sleep. I feel there is one other thing I should add to the list that I like. Leaning on someone else while sitting on a couch and watching a show/movie. I'm sexually averse btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Ldlelee Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Hmm, let's see... Snuggling (spooning): Maybe? I've never done it before. I don't know what it's like. Back rubs neck rubs: YES. Those feel amazing. Kissing no tongue: Sure. Kissing with tongue: Gross. Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): I'm only okay with the face. Holding hands: Yes. Head messages and playing with hair: No. Foot rubs: Don't touch my feet. Laying in the same bed: I guess? I'm pretty sex-averse by the way. I can think about it in theory, but the thought of acting on it makes me want to puke. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 On 11/13/2018 at 5:39 AM, FictoCannibal. said: long nekked massages, I read that in a giraffe kind of way Some of those are okay. I'm not a fan of hand-holding and I don't take baths, so there's that. Also, leave my feet alone. Tongue kisses are reserved for other groups of folks but I don't expect that to happen ever again. Nor do I care... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 2 hours ago, Homer said: Tongue kisses are reserved for other groups of folks I'm reading that as meaning you tongue kiss entire groups of folks outside of a sensual connection to a partner or whatever but I'm assuming you don't mean that? Or if you do.. I'd be interested to know more, haha!! Link to post Share on other sites
Strawberry ice cream Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Occasionally hands holding, small kiss on lips, maybe friendly hug that's all 😀 Link to post Share on other sites
mace_ Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 For me: Snuggling (spooning) - Yes, it's amazing to feel another person's body Back rubs neck rubs - Yes (giving and receiving) Kissing no tongue - Yes Kissing with tongue - Yes (only if I like the person very much) Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc) - Yes Holding hands - Yes Head messages and playing with hair - Yes (do and receive) Foot rubs - Maybe (I don't know) Laying in the same bed - Yes Link to post Share on other sites
danvers Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 For me: Snuggling (spooning): I've never actually tried spooning, but it sounds nice, as long as I'm not trying to sleep (I like being able to move/roll over/etc.). I love snuggling in general, like just sitting next to my partner and leaning into them, or hugging. Though to be fair, snuggling isn't exclusively romantic for me; it's more something I do with people I'm emotionally close with. Back rubs/neck rubs: yes! Though again, I like this in platonic as well as romantic relationships. Kissing no tongue: sure Kissing with tongue: I don't know. It sounds nice in theory, but I didn't like actually doing it very much. That said, the person I was doing it with didn't have much kissing experience, so maybe it'd be better with a different person. I might be willing to try it again with someone else. Kissing other than mouth: maybe. I've never done it, but I might be willing to try it and see if I like it. Holding hands: yes Head massages/playing with hair Foot rubs: don't know Lying in same bed: if we're not trying to sleep Link to post Share on other sites
Brimbs Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 I adore all of those things, apart from kissing with tongues (which is OK, but I could do without). I'm not sure I could live without back rubs. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 Snuggling, holding hands, head massages and lying together - Yes ☺️ Kissing no mouth - Maybe. , I’m not too keen, but sometimes I do 🤔 Foot rubs - That’s just weird for me. Why are you touching my feet?? 😓 Toungue - No. Tried it once, never again 🤢 Link to post Share on other sites
Sleepy Otter Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 In general I don't like to be touched, unless I need a hug (which is always an emotional need, not a romantic/sensual need). Then only from specific people. The only kissing I have ever done was in dreams, and it has only happened 2 or 3 times, although I have a colleague at work who kisses goodbye when we break for vacation, which makes me very uncomfortable (I always tip my head way to the side so she only gets my cheek). The idea of kissing someone romantically is sometimes interesting, sometimes gross (haven't done that either - prior to my discovery, the idea of having to kiss at the end of a date just made me avoid the experience altogether). And a guy I had a crush on in college tried to tickle my foot and I threatened to kick him in the face. Would never sleep in the same bed with someone else on purpose. Out of the list, I could probably do hand holding, but haven't tried it, so I don't know for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
LiteratureNerd Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Snuggling (spooning): Like it more in theory than reality Back rubs neck rubs: I love them, also I have chronic pain so it feels more caring than anything else Kissing no tongue: Not really Kissing with tongue: Please no. Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): Rarely Holding hands: I actually like linking arms more Head messages and playing with hair: Only specific parts of my head Foot rubs: One of my favorite things Laying in the same bed: More in theory than reality - my sleep schedule is too wonky Also, I second the leaning on someone while watching a movie. In many ways that is when I am most physically affectionate and become a bit cat like and sleep on my partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Eww. Any of those activities mentioned in the OP are unpleasant for me. A friendly hug or kiss to a special relative is as far as I go. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 All of the above + some extras. Just not the feet much, thank you. Some of it can turn into an “itch” if they are left out to long. Link to post Share on other sites
grey goose Posted November 18, 2018 Author Share Posted November 18, 2018 Seems like everything about aces is a total spectrum, which is awesome because there is such diversity. Link to post Share on other sites
Lightning107 Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 I like head, neck, and back massages as well as playing with hair. I also like hugs and I will hold hands, although its not my go-to. I don't like any form of kissing, although I've never experienced it, but it doesn't appeal to me. I'm ok with putting my head on a shoulder/them putting their head on my shoulder. I only like giving myself foot rubs because my feet are very sensitive. I'm ok being with someone in a bed for a little bit (like to watch TV) but I like to sleep alone. However, I also haven't had a typical romantic relationship, but I do have a very close friendship that has these things. Also, I'm sex-repulsed. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaiin Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 What an interesting topic! Never really thought about this before, but here we go ... Snuggling (spooning): yes, please! Back rubs neck rubs: yes. Kissing no tongue: maybe? Kissing with tongue: not sure. Kissing other than mouth (Neck, ears, arms etc): probably? Holding hands: yes! Head messages and playing with hair: yes, please! Foot rubs: uh no, sorry. Laying in the same bed: yep! Though I would prefer to sleep in separate beds, like the bed-hog that I am. Link to post Share on other sites
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