BabyKai9788 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Hey so I realized recently (like two months ago) that I was trigender. After looking up what it meant I see that it does fit me but I also identify as nonbinary but also androgynous in a way. For me personally, I find it hard to explain it to friends who don't quite understand anything when it comes to gender identity so I need help with that but for my friends that do ask me what do I prefer to be called and my pronouns. My pronouns I know are they/them but names are a hard thing for me. On one hand I like the nickname Kayla that's closest to my real name. But I also like the name Kai for when I feel like neither male or female, and the Dominic for when I feel more masculine. So when my friends ask me what name I prefer I honestly don't know what to tell them. Should I just let them pick one out of the three or what? I really would like some opinions. Like that would be nice because I need to figure this out! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
SithAzathoth WinterDragon Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Welcome to AVEN, I hope you're enjoying it here so far, here's a thread that may help you. Feel free to ask any questions you have as well. Gender Definitions Masterlist Here you'll find information that may answer any questions that you may have. Link to post Share on other sites
kaysir Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 What would be A. most comfortable and B. easiest to adjust to? There are many people who go by more than one name online, and at least a few who do so in real life. If it means a lot to you to be called each of the 3 names, you can always ask your friends to try and say on any given day "I'm Dominic at the moment" or "Today I'd like it if you called me Kayla". That said, it could be difficult for them and they could slip up a lot. It might be easier to do only 2 names, probably Kayla and Kai, or whichever single name is the most comfortable overall. If it's not super important to have all 3, maybe having your friends choose could be fun! When it comes to explaining your genders, what have you said before? Something along the lines of "Sometimes I am/feel like a guy, sometimes a girl, and sometimes neither"? It might help if you ask how they relate to their own genders. Do the girls like to be called a girl, lady, she/her? Do they feel at home among women, and when they describe themselves is "girl" included? Do they know it in their hearts, or do they just go along with it because that's the way it's always been? After that, you could tell them again about your being trigender and they might understand a bit more. If not, that's fine, they don't have to understand! They just have to try and be respectful as with anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyKai9788 Posted November 15, 2018 Author Share Posted November 15, 2018 7 hours ago, kaysir said: What would be A. most comfortable and B. easiest to adjust to? There are many people who go by more than one name online, and at least a few who do so in real life. If it means a lot to you to be called each of the 3 names, you can always ask your friends to try and say on any given day "I'm Dominic at the moment" or "Today I'd like it if you called me Kayla". That said, it could be difficult for them and they could slip up a lot. It might be easier to do only 2 names, probably Kayla and Kai, or whichever single name is the most comfortable overall. If it's not super important to have all 3, maybe having your friends choose could be fun! When it comes to explaining your genders, what have you said before? Something along the lines of "Sometimes I am/feel like a guy, sometimes a girl, and sometimes neither"? It might help if you ask how they relate to their own genders. Do the girls like to be called a girl, lady, she/her? Do they feel at home among women, and when they describe themselves is "girl" included? Do they know it in their hearts, or do they just go along with it because that's the way it's always been? After that, you could tell them again about your being trigender and they might understand a bit more. If not, that's fine, they don't have to understand! They just have to try and be respectful as with anyone else. Thanks for the advice! This really helps 😄 Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Urgs, that what annoys me so much. I am genderfluid and one end my spectrum is non-binary - agender - and... Mostly, I just tell people that I am agender and if they have no trouble understanding, what that means, I go into deeper detail. So I have a bunch to explain, but don't overwhelm everybody. Just so you know, you're not alone with this problem. And hopefully, it will get better as time progresses and more people become aware. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyKai9788 Posted November 16, 2018 Author Share Posted November 16, 2018 5 hours ago, Luftschlosseule said: Urgs, that what annoys me so much. I am genderfluid and one end my spectrum is non-binary - agender - and... Mostly, I just tell people that I am agender and if they have no trouble understanding, what that means, I go into deeper detail. So I have a bunch to explain, but don't overwhelm everybody. Just so you know, you're not alone with this problem. And hopefully, it will get better as time progresses and more people become aware. Thank you for this! I’m glad that I’m not alone this Link to post Share on other sites
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