General pondering: becoming another person

[anisotrophic]

17 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

That sounds a little past-tense-y... everything okay?

Oh, sorry! it meant to refer to what is feeling like the pre-ace-interpretation phase of our relationship -- and it's better now, I'm fairly confident -- but sometimes I reflect with him on that (i.e. how was that working?) or he points to it and says "we were doing pretty well before, so it seems likely we'll be okay" which I do find pretty convincing.

[Guest]

The allos on here are always saying that we couldn't possibly understand what things are like from their perspective, and now you're claiming to know what it's like from an asexual's perspective?

[Traveler40]

On 11/12/2018 at 12:04 PM, ryn2 said:

It definitely doesn’t magically disappear with a partner change, at least in my experience.  In fairness that was a long time ago for me, though, and I was probably not in the mental spot you are in.

I think it does.  It takes time to fade, but it does morph.  I recall the first time with my lover;  I cried all the way there.  It was something I spent years dreaming about and many months laying groundwork for, but I was so - very - awkward internally and unsure of ALL of it.  That night was beyond awkward.  

 

All those complicated feelings...I was no longer loyal, I was an adulterer, what if my kids found out blah blah blah.  That took months of connecting sexually to work through, but I paired up well.  My lover is a patient and sexually talented man who taught me to surrender to my sensual side.  It’s not easy, but with time and desire to find a balanced you, I can report it is possible to bounce back.

[anisotrophic]

1 hour ago, Moon Spirit ☽ said:

The allos on here are always saying that we couldn't possibly understand what things are like from their perspective, and now you're claiming to know what it's like from an asexual's perspective?

I'm confused. Is this me? I tend to be opposed to broad claims about sexual and asexual people as categories.

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, Traveler40 said:

It’s not easy, but with time and desire to find a balanced you, I can report it is possible to bounce back.

Agreed.  Perhaps I should have said “instantly,” rather than “magically,” point being there will be work involved and you can never (for good or bad) go exactly back to where you started.