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I feel scared


Cameron Corinthian

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Cameron Corinthian

I have been in one previous relationship and she wanted sex and I didn't. We broke up because of me not wanting sex, I feel very scared that people will judge me for not having desires to kiss or have sex with anyone ever. I find the idea of sleeping with someone else repulsive and I don't ever want to kiss anyone, however I gear being judged by the rest of the world  

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The world's filled with judgmental people, and it's sustained by society.

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I have learned to find these things helpful rather than anything else. You want to judge me over some minor shit that doesn't even affect you? Cool, now I know that I don't need to bother with you.

 

Now one might reply that this approach bears the risk of "ending up alone", but I prefer that to being surrounded by people who think less of me because of who I am.

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Even though the world's harsh, there are plenty of good-hearted people who accept people like us. The problem is that those people aren't quite as vocal, so it'll seem harder to find them. Trust me, though, the good-hearted people of the world do exist.

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Welcome to AVEN!

 

I know how hard it can be, but I don't think you should worry about other people's judgement.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

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Cameron Corinthian
18 minutes ago, Homer said:

I have learned to find these things helpful rather than anything else. You want to judge me over some minor shit that doesn't even affect you? Cool, now I know that I don't need to bother with you.

 

Now one might reply that this approach bears the risk of "ending up alone", but I prefer that to being surrounded by people who think less of me because of who I am.

Thanks so much to you all for the support hopefully we'll all be friends very soon

 

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22 minutes ago, Cameron Corinthian said:

I have been in one previous relationship and she wanted sex and I didn't. We broke up because of me not wanting sex, I feel very scared that people will judge me for not having desires to kiss or have sex with anyone ever. I find the idea of sleeping with someone else repulsive and I don't ever want to kiss anyone, however I gear being judged by the rest of the world  

I've never been in a relationship but I've had several opportunities.  I didn't know my entire identity at the time.  However, I couldn't bring myself to say yes to these people.  I knew they would want to get sexual at some point so I turned them all down.  I'm not repulsed by physical intimacy like cuddling or holding hands, but kissing.....well....I think I could possibly try a closed mouth kiss but that's about it.  The thought of swapping bodily fluids makes me feel ill.

 

Unfortunately for us, most people are sexual.  We're going to be judged for being how we are.  They do not understand or relate.  The only thing we can do is own our identity and get rid of any negative thoughts/feelings we have about it, including what we fear other people will think.  Easier said than done, I know.  But this is who we are, and we have to be okay with the person we see in the mirror regardless of what anyone else thinks.  There's nothing wrong with being ace no matter which type you are.  Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise.

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1 hour ago, Cameron Corinthian said:

I have been in one previous relationship and she wanted sex and I didn't. We broke up because of me not wanting sex, I feel very scared that people will judge me for not having desires to kiss or have sex with anyone ever. I find the idea of sleeping with someone else repulsive and I don't ever want to kiss anyone, however I gear being judged by the rest of the world  

1. Many people WILL judge you if you want to be in a relationship while being disinterested/repulsed by sex

2. Many won't

3. If you worry about being judged, then that is a bigger problem than asexuality/incompatibility/etc

4. If you don't want to sleep with someone or kiss them, don't.

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Hi! Unfortunately I have little to offer, since most of what could be said was already written above, but just wanted to add/emphasize that:
A) People will be people. Some are good & accepting, others not so much.

B) Don't do what you don't want to do. It never ends well otherwise.

C) You are not alone in your feelings.

 

We are rooting for you!

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