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TheGreatDane

I need help to figure out my a/sexuality.

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TheGreatDane

So... I've been reading and going around the AVEN community for a while now. I am still questioning my sexuality or asexuality. I'm not so sure if I'm considered as part of an ace-spectrum or am I just homosexual. Maybe I just can't bare the thought of being identified as homosexual and choose other labels instead. What if I'm faking this whole ordeal and I'm ACTUALLY a straight guy who unconsciously fakes his own sexuality just to unknowingly gain attention or something. I just want to know your guys thoughts so that I could consider?

 

Let's start with the possibility of being attracted to girls, I try looking at pictures of girls that straight guys in general finds hot but I feel nothing looking at it. So I guess being straight is out of the equation. Next, I went to look at pictures of hot guys and I still don't feel anything... at first. There some pictures that cause me to feel arouse but only a little. I even check some... let's just say adult entertainment and I actually do react physiologically (but still not to it's full arousal) but mentally... I find... these explicit videos... weird. And of course, there is my opinion on sex. I personally won't mind living through life without losing my virginity but I'm not really against the idea of sex (or at least It think so). It seem like I almost figured out my lack of sexuality when I realize there are sexual individuals who don't like watching these explicit videos or photos which  throws me off the track. What if I'm one of them instead? And there is a nagging feeling at the back of my head that told myself that I am faking all of this for the whole time and has been unconsciously suppressing the arousal within me? Or maybe I'm just a straight guy who suppresses his feeling of arousal for a woman and start creating fake (and small amount of) arousal for a man only because I wanted to be part of the queer community? What if what I'm feeling isn't arousal but something else that I can't pin point?

 

I understand that I don't have to put a labels on myself but I wanted to so that I can understand what I want and who I am. And also I do have crushes on guys from time to time. Just wanna know what you guys think.

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Snao Cone

Your reaction to porn or looking at conventionally "hot" people isn't the litmus test for asexuality. A lot of people who want sexual intimacy as a part of their healthy relationships don't like porn, or don't go "BOIIIOIIOIIINNNNGGGGG" when looking at contenders on Sexiest People Alive lists. Those things alone don't tell much about what your a/sexuality may be.

 

What it ultimately comes down to is, when it comes to your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being, do you want a partner you can be sexually intimate with? You say that you wouldn't mind living out your life without having sex. If this is based on intrinsic needs (or lack of them) then it would fit asexuality. If it's based on principles or beliefs, then it would fit celibacy. Being "not really against the idea of sex" can still be compatible with asexuality if it's out of being sex-indifferent or sex-favourable, meaning you might want to try it under the right circumstances, but you have no driving force to seek it on its own or look for it in relationships.

 

I'm going to have to give you that REALLY annoying answer of "maybe/maybe not" on this one, because it ultimately sounds like you will learn a lot more about yourself through exploring things you're interested in or curious about. If you're looking for a label to describe this part of yourself before you really understand this part of yourself, it's not going to be authentic. That kind of thing comes from exploration - a mix of experience and introspection. If you're romantically and/or aesthetically attracted to men, date some. See where it goes. You can tell them you're not very sexual but open to trying if it feels right. It's okay not to know for sure right now, so be kind to yourself and don't feel pressured to fill in the blanks where you don't know the answer yet. :cake:

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