Ash.

Can you have a crush if your not aesthetically attracted to them?

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Ash.

I'm asexual, and i thought i was aromantic until a few weeks ago. What happened was i was hanging out with my friend and he kissed my hand. We usually fake flirt, but this time it was kinda...... different? Well anyways i sorta thought about hugging him and kissing him. Then i just started blushing. Ive know him for like three years and we have been really good friends. We have a lot in common and he makes me want to be a better person and im really happy when im around him. i never really thought about him like that until now. Since then ive been thinking about him alot. The thing is i experience atheistic attraction, but not to him. So is this a crush or a squish? Can you like someone with out being attracted to them? Am i demi-sexual? 

 

As always, any advice is really helpful. Thanks for your help! 

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The Angel of Eternity

@Ash. I have never heard of someone developing another type of attraction without first there being aesthetic attraction. However, that doesn't mean it's not possible. So I guess it could happen. People experience attraction in diverse ways with diverse combinations, after all!

 

Edit: By the way, where in Utah do you live? I ask because I'm in Utah myself!

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MorganPendragon

Of course. There is emotional and mental attraction.

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Philip027

I don't feel drawn to anyone aesthetically unless I'm already in a relationship with them, so yeah.

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Madao

It's possible to have a crush or a squish without experiencing aesthetic attraction. The crushes I have are fictional and not all of them are handsome or beautiful, but I still like them for who they are. 

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anisotropic

It sounds like a really good description of romantic attraction to me! Many folks (including sexual folks) experience attraction after getting to know someone, and it can be not-very-correlated with aesthetic attraction.

 

Sometimes people only experience sexual feelings after romantic attraction, it's especially common in women. (And some people call that demisexual, but I don't think it needs a label, I think it's a pretty typical way for sexual attraction to manifest.) As a result, it seems like some folks understandably think they're asexual until this happens.

 

On the other hand -- someone that's a romantic asexual might experience romantic attraction -- but it never translates to sexual desire. (That's how my partner is. It's more rare. Because sexual attraction usually follows romantic bonds, this situation confusing and often feels like "rejection" to a partner if asexuality isn't understood.)

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Star Lion

I’d imagine you can have a crush without aesthetic attraction. You might be demiromantic, but that’s only if you have a desire to date him. Desire to hug, kiss, or for any non-sexual physical contact is sensual attraction and not romantic attraction. A crush is pretty much having a person on your mind, wanting to be near them, share experiences with them, and always involves romantic attraction. If there’s no romantic attraction, it’s a squish

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TheAP

Yeah, you can. If you want to be in a romantic relationship with him, it's romantic attraction. And you would only be demisexual if you had sexual feelings for him.

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