Salty_triscuit

I’m in need of help

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Salty_triscuit

Sex has always been a gray area for me.. being touched in general is a grey area for me.. I’m only fifteen and I understand I have a long future ahead but I’m still not sure if I can get behind the idea of sex.. I’ve even explored my sexuality and still have found nothing.. asexuality is different for a lot of people.. some are physically repealed by sex and find it disgusting.. others don’t think sex necessarily gross they just aren’t into it... with me it’s not the fact that genitalia is gross or that I don’t like being touched.. it’s just the whole idea of it all.. I just don’t like it.. I know I’m only fifteen and still haven’t even had sex yet (and I definitely won’t have sex at my age cause in my personal opinion it’s still quite a young age to do that kind of thing (maybe cause my religious background)), but I’m still worried for the future.. what if I end up liking someone who loves sex and wants to do that kind of thing if we had a relationship.. or if i date someone young like me who thinks They’re asexual and ends up changing there mind and it ruins our relationship.. or I could change my mind about sex like my family says..     

it’s just a really shity topic for me and I need help understanding myself..

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Indian_girl

Hey calm down!! I can see small me in you! When i was reading the whole thing it was like my own words few months ago! Dont jump to any conclusion right now! Just let things happen how they want to.. As you said you are still very young so no nees to be stressed out on this. And believe me when you find then perfect one and even if he is sexual he will understand because thats what people who love us do. My bf who is extremely sexual understands my asexuality and ia happy with things I am comfortable doing (hugging, cuddling, rarely kissing..) 

The whole process will take time so I know its easy to.say but hard to follow but relax a bit..

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Knight of Cydonia

It wasn't until my 20's in my first relationship when I even considered being open to having sex. I never liked the idea of it; the whole concept was always pretty disgusting and made me uncomfortable (I still don't like it). I was never actively looking for a romantic relationship and was fine with going it alone for the rest of my life. When I thought about the possibility of having a partner, I had all these worries too.

 

Being realistic, all the possible future relationship issues you mentioned could happen. But that doesn't mean they will. If you find the right person, whether they are asexual or sexual, you'll make it work. Be upfront about your asexuality as you'll be able to get a good sense right away if the asexuality thing will be a deal-breaker. You should also consider what you would be open to trying, because I think compromise is the best option for relationships between sexuals and asexuals. Of course, there's not much use thinking about exactly what you'd be comfortable with now since it'll depend on how you feel about the other person (and so far you have no experience to base your stance off anyways), but if/when the time comes that you might be in a relationship you should keep that in mind. You're still young and your feelings on this might change anyways.

 

A lot of people worry about how dating relationships will go before they start, not just asexuals (though the worries manifest in different ways).

 

As for my case, I was asked out by a friend (a sexual person, who I actually hadn't come out to yet) and decided to give it a shot. I was upfront about my asexuality, and he was very understanding. To him, I was worth making sacrifices for, and to me, he was worth making sacrifices for too. He actually mentioned that he was glad I was asexual and not sexual, because it took a lot of pressure off him to, uh, do well! We've been together 4 years now.

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JillLove14

If you don't like being touched, it doesn't necessarily mean you're asexual. There are many things with asexuality, however, and one of those things is demisexual (but there's more, trust me). I don't like thinking of having sex at a young age either, I'm 16 and going onto 17, but I want to maybe wait until I'm 18 or even 20. There's a lot to question, but you don't need to rush it. You can question it, but don't worry, you've got a lot ahead of you. Question it, but don't worry and don't rush it. You'll find out eventually and it may be hard to accept, but don't hate yourself for it, be happy and know someone will love you no matter what. People will support you, I support you. Good luck!

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Aebt
5 hours ago, Salty_triscuit said:

some are physically repealed by sex and find it disgusting.. others don’t think sex necessarily gross they just aren’t into it... with me it’s not the fact that genitalia is gross or that I don’t like being touched.. it’s just the whole idea of it all.. I just don’t like it..

That's fine, I personally am not repulsed by sex I just have no desire to partake in sex.

5 hours ago, Salty_triscuit said:

I know I’m only fifteen and still haven’t even had sex yet (and I definitely won’t have sex at my age cause in my personal opinion it’s still quite a young age to do that kind of thing (maybe cause my religious background))

You know more about you than anyone else does. Even if one has not had sex they can still deduce if they are Asexual. Having no rush for sex is not a problem, I am 18 and have no desire for it. Stick to being yourself.

5 hours ago, Salty_triscuit said:

I’m still worried for the future.. what if I end up liking someone who loves sex and wants to do that kind of thing if we had a relationship.. or if i date someone young like me who thinks They’re asexual and ends up changing there mind and it ruins our relationship.. or I could change my mind about sex like my family says..

Well, if you end up loving someone you will have to decide. Are you repulsed by anything sexual or is it possible to compromise, those are the sort of questions you will have to answer when the time comes around. If you find another Asexual and they then decide they are actually sexual it may ruin a marriage-like relationship, but a friend relationship can still exist. And if you two are very compatible even a marriage-like relationship can exist. If you change your mind about sex then that's fine, you know yourself better than anyone else does. Luckily, since you are 15, you have plenty of time to think through these questions.

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I don't know what advice I can offer since I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship, but I do think you might be worrying too much.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

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drolrevo

Calm down, I am 31yo and recently I accepted myself as an ace.

 

I had girl friends and I did lot of "things".

 

I have done it all and what I realized was...I was never into it and I never had desire for it.

 

You are young and in some point you will understand yourself 100%.

 

Good luck

 

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amat96
On 11/9/2018 at 8:37 AM, Salty_triscuit said:

Sex has always been a gray area for me.. being touched in general is a grey area for me.. I’m only fifteen and I understand I have a long future ahead but I’m still not sure if I can get behind the idea of sex.. I’ve even explored my sexuality and still have found nothing.. asexuality is different for a lot of people.. some are physically repealed by sex and find it disgusting.. others don’t think sex necessarily gross they just aren’t into it... with me it’s not the fact that genitalia is gross or that I don’t like being touched.. it’s just the whole idea of it all.. I just don’t like it.. I know I’m only fifteen and still haven’t even had sex yet (and I definitely won’t have sex at my age cause in my personal opinion it’s still quite a young age to do that kind of thing (maybe cause my religious background)), but I’m still worried for the future.. what if I end up liking someone who loves sex and wants to do that kind of thing if we had a relationship.. or if i date someone young like me who thinks They’re asexual and ends up changing there mind and it ruins our relationship.. or I could change my mind about sex like my family says..     

it’s just a really shity topic for me and I need help understanding myself..

I'm 21 and I only just knew for sure that I am ace recently. As others have said, just naturally let yourself discover yourself over time, you'll eventually get around to knowing whether you're ace or not and the whole partner thing is something for you to deal with (at least when it comes to marriage) in a long time. Also its not up to your family to decide, no one will know other than you. For now though just enjoy being a teen, trust me the time goes really fast.

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