Am I just conservative?

[EightOfSpades]

Hey guys, sorry if there’s already a discussion board for this, I couldn’t find one.

I’ve been a little confused with my sexuality for the last few years, I thought I was ace for a while, because I’d never been strongly attracted to a person, and the few small crushes I’d had didn’t show up until I already knew the person. I met a guy a bit over a year ago now and we became really close friends. After knowing him for a while he became one of my few “crushes”, and recently we started dating. We became much closer after that, although it took a really long time to break the touch barrier. (We didn’t even hold hands until we’d been dating for over a month). 

 

A few few strange things happened after we started dating though. For one thing, I actually wanted to touch him (like, on the arm or whatever), which was something I’d never felt for anyone before. I also started imagining things like kissing, but only with him, and I’d never really thought about kissing at all before. It was like my brain took the fact that we were dating as a sort of permission to start imagining things?

 

More recently, we tried cuddling, which was mind blowingly amazing, much better than I’d thought it could be. Then we tried kissing, and I just didn’t feel anything? I mean, I could feel him physically, but that was it. His heart rate and breathing skyrocketed, but mine basically stayed the same. It wasn’t unpleasant by any means, but especially compared to cuddling, kissing was just “meh.”. 

 

I don’t think I’m asexual, now that I know what I’m capable of feeling, but compared to what everyone else talks about I feel my experiences are “muted” or “muffled”. 

 

I told my boyfriend all of this, and he didn’t seem to mind. When we first started dating he made it very clear that he wanted me to set the pace and that he never wanted me to feel uncomfortable about anything. He’s a really sweet guy and I think I love him, but I want to know why I’m getting more excited about feeling his heartbeat and hearing him breathe than I am about kissing him, which he seems to really enjoy.

 

I’d love to hear some thoughts on this! Thanks guys

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

It sounds like you're a Demiromantic Asexual.

An Asexual lacks Sexual Attraction, which is distinct from arousal since Sexual Attraction is defined as leading to the desire for sex with a specific person in real life.

And a Demiromantic only experiences Romantic Attraction after forming a close emotional bond with someone, the crush and strong feelings you developed.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø]

@EightOfSpades Hi! Welcome to heAVEN! There's an infinite amount of  here, so take as much as you want!

 

You could identify as an ace who is demiromantic and/or demisensual.