ggggut

is being repulsed by the idea of sex enough to call myself asexual?

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ggggut

lHi,

so I’m female, 18 years old and repulsed by the idea of sex. i’m sort of curious if i would enjoy it, but I am very uncomfortable viewing my own body as a sexual object. I dress to hide my body and i can’t imagine anyone ever finding it hot, and the idea also makes me uncomfortable. i also can’t imagine myself ever engaging in any sort of sexual act with another person.

However, I have been watching porn and masturbating regularly for years, only lesbian porn though as seeing a penis turns me off. 

Even though i occasionally find guys hot, i’d never want to sleep with them and i have to physically shudder when i remember that they have genitals. 

Since i have never been in a relationship or even come close to it, i feel can’t say for sure if i really wouldn’t want to have sex; if i would really find a penis as repulsive in real life as i do in my head or in porn. I have had many crushes on guys over the years however, and always crave intimacy in non-sexual ways. 

I don’t think i’m heteroromantic homosexual, since i’ve never been sexually attracted to any girl. 

Am i really asexual? my enjoyment of porn and masturbation, combined with my age and inexperience leads me to believe otherwise, maybe i just need time, need to work on my self-image, need to find the right guy? 

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

An Asexual needn't be repulsed by the idea of sex, so that isn't enough to call yourself Asexual.
However, an Asexual can also watch porn and masturbate, so doing those doesn't mean you're not Asexual.
Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which we define as leading to desiring sex with a specific person in real life.
If you don't experience that, then you are Asexual, and it sounds like you don't experience that, so feel free to use the Asexual label.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

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AwkwardSquid

Hi. 

 

Asexual is when you lack or have non existent sexual attraction towards people. Asexuals can enjoy porn and masturbate and even have sex. 

 

I also tend to be repulsed at genitals and nudity. I am inexperienced and enjoy smut and consider myself Asexual. Just go with what you is comfortable and you can always change how you describe yourself. 

 

Also only you can label yourself. Not others. We are just here for insight. 

 

 

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Anthracite_Impreza
39 minutes ago, AwkwardSquid said:

You are asexual if you look at someone and don't wanna jump their bones.

No no no no no no. You are asexual if you have no desire for sexual intimacy, for any reason - emotional, bonding, pleasure - that does not preclude external factors (wanting to make a baby isn't a desire for sex, it's wanting to make a baby). The idea that sexuals all look at strangers and want to 'jump their bones' is a fallacy spread by inexperienced youngsters (usually, also sometimes those with ulterior motives). Most sexuals require some sort of emotional bond before actually wanting sex with someone else (even one night stands require some level of interaction first).

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TheAP

You can be sex-repulsed without being asexual, but if you have libido but don't want to have sex with others, it sounds like you're asexual. It's possible that you will develop sexual attraction later on, but you may not. Don't pressure yourself into doing anything sexual that you don't want to.

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Nowhere Girl

Not all asexual are sex-repulsed and some levels of sex aversion are also possible in allosexual people - in fact, low-level sex aversion seem to be quite common, a lot of people would admit that sex is in fact quite gross... However... my opinion is that sex aversion and asexuality aren't completely different things. If someone is sex-averse to the extent that it makes them unable to desire sex, they are effectively asexual. The effect is just that: no desire for sex = asexuality, it's nitpicking or even invalidating to split hairs over what sources of lack of desire are "genuine".

I feel just like that: for me sex aversion comes before asexuality. I don't desire sex because the idea of having sex feels very distressing to me, not the other way around. I'm absolutely nudity-averse, I absolutely don't want to be a sexual object for reasons ranging from health-related nudity aversion to political rejection... And I honestly don't care about "working on self-image". I don't have a low self-esteem. I just don't want to torture myself with sex, I don't want to go through such things. Being OK with nudity is not the requirement for feeling good in life. We have a right to choose what we want from our lives and how we want to be without being told that this or that is a sign of "body issues" or "internalised repression".

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AwkwardSquid
14 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

No no no no no no. You are asexual if you have no desire for sexual intimacy, for any reason - emotional, bonding, pleasure - that does not preclude external factors (wanting to make a baby isn't a desire for sex, it's wanting to make a baby). The idea that sexuals all look at strangers and want to 'jump their bones' is a fallacy spread by inexperienced youngsters (usually, also sometimes those with ulterior motives). Most sexuals require some sort of emotional bond before actually wanting sex with someone else (even one night stands require some level of interaction first).

Asexuality is lack of or non existent sexual attraction.

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SithMaster WinterDragon

We cannot say you are asexual but if you do not experience sexual attraction or romantic attraction to anyone then you may be asexual, welcome to AVEN! ^_^ 

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Sally
17 hours ago, AwkwardSquid said:

You are asexual if you look at someone and don't wanna jump their bones.

There are many, many sexuals who can look at someone and not want to jump their bones.   

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FictoCannibal.
2 hours ago, AwkwardSquid said:

Asexuality is lack of or non existent sexual attraction.

And sexual attraction is the desire to connect sexually with another person. It's not about looking at someone hot and wanting to bang them (that's a bit of a caricature about sexuals spread by people in the ace community. Sure some are like that but many are not).

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gisiebob

ok, so there are some direct answers to your questions, even though there are most answers you will find here will be not direct, either given vaguely or contradicting other answers.

 

there is general consensus that sex aversion is not an aspect owned by asexuality.

 

and

asexuality doesn't care if you masturbate, or watch porn, or not. it is an interpersonal orientation.

 

so that's the concrete things. everything else here just about is stuff ya got to figure out. good luck!

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The Dryad

Technically asexuality is inhertly sex-repulsion, I know, I know, technically asexuals can be sex positive and not necessarily sex repulsed, however, asexuality is not desiring partnered sex, which desire's direct opposite is repulsion not indifference. And it's a confusing aspect because many other types of people experience sexual repulsion, and that's why  it's not linked to asexuality itself, but....it sort of comes hand in hand  nevertheless. Sort of like someone who's straight will be repulsed by someone who hits on them who is gay, and not necessarily indifferent as it pertains to one's sexuality, but will be more indifferent socially, if that makes sense? This isn't cannon thinking though, I was just saying that I understand what you're saying.

 

Technically, you exhibit asexual behavior (we're not non-libidoist elitist) so you may be asexual if you choose to look up some info on here, you'll probably find stuff to help you.💜, 🍰

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anisotropic
34 minutes ago, The Dryad said:

desire's direct opposite is repulsion not indifference

FWIW my partner feels more ace for his indifference.

 

I think this is a bit like asking, "what is the opposite of love?" Is it hate -- or is it indifference?

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The Dryad
9 minutes ago, anisotropic said:

FWIW my partner feels more ace for his indifference.

 

I think this is a bit like asking, "what is the opposite of love?" Is it hate -- or is it indifference?

True.

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Nowhere Girl

It's OK as long as we don't invalidate any group. Some asexuals are "meh" about sex and for some the idea of having sex feels actively distressing - however, none of these groups is "more asexual than the other".

Sex repulsion is not "required" for identifying as asexual, but it is a good sign that a person may indeed be asexual or effectively asexual.* The other extreme should also be avoided: in fact quite a lot of asexuals (about 60%, according to some data I have seen) are more or less sex-averse, so people who think that sex aversion is always pathological and that "True Asexuals" should just not care about sex necessarily exclude a large part of the community.

 

*Sometimes just one question is proposed as a good predictor of asexuality: "Would you be happy if you were never to have sex ("again" if applicable)?". In my opinion a similar way of distinguishing between sex-averse allosexuals and sex-averse aces could work. The proposed question: "If you were able to "get rid" of your sex aversion, would you prefer to do so?" - I suspect that sex-averse allosexuals would be more likely to answer "yes" and actual aces to answer "no".

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anisotropic
1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

The other extreme should also be avoided: in fact quite a lot of asexuals (about 60%, according to some data I have seen) are more or less sex-averse, so people who think that sex aversion is always pathological and that "True Asexuals" should just not care about sex necessarily exclude a large part of the community.

So true.

 

I mean... like.... how many heterosexuals are "indifferent" to having sex with a same-sex partner? (This oversimplifies a bit, it's not capturing whether romantic feelings are present, but...) Aversion in the absence of attraction is also very normal.

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Nowhere Girl
9 hours ago, anisotropic said:

I mean... like.... how many heterosexuals are "indifferent" to having sex with a same-sex partner? (This oversimplifies a bit, it's not capturing whether romantic feelings are present, but...) Aversion in the absence of attraction is also very normal.

Hey, that's a great comparison! Though I admit I experience my sexuality in a slightly different way - it's more about presence of aversion than absence of attraction. My sex aversion is more about fear, anxiety, distress than disgust. However, what I want is acceptance of such feelings. I wouldn't even want to be able to desire sex. I wouldn't like to be allosexual or a sex-indifferent ace, I simply wouldn't like to be sex-capable / sexually available in any way. I remember being asked "So are you asexual OR are you afraid of sex?" - and the fact is that these things simply aren't mutually exclusive. Sex aversion and nudity aversion are heavily pathologised in our culture - what I want is that other people stop pushing their ideas of happiness onto other people. There is a great Polish phrase which sums it up - literally "making someone happy by force", though it just doesn't sound so good in English. I want to be happy in my own way and I couldn't be happy with sex.

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