Squirrel Combat

Asexy sex

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Squirrel Combat

For aces wanting relationships of some kind, sex remains a contested issue, of course. But recently I came up with an idea that could make a suitable compromise.

 

Now, I can really only speak from the perspective of a man, but what if instead of a guy sticking his penis into a woman he stuck a dildo or vibrator or something else similarly phallic that would produce the same pleasure? For ladies it could be a fleshlight.

 

This is sort of a kooky idea, but advantages could be that the right party gets their sexual pleasure, the ace person can have greater control over friction and such, no potential STIs, and couples really could go a whole night or longer.

 

Discuss.

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Biblioromantic

I can tell you that for me it's still probably a no-go. I'm probably 80% aromantic, 20% heteroromantic, and 100% asexual, so the thought of doing any of that with another person isn't appealing, even if there's no intermingling of sex organs. I'm just not interested in the whole sex thing if there's another person in the room, period. It's possible I might find that one person out there I'd be willing to do something sexual with, but for right now, it's not looking likely.

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timewarp

Back when I was trying to make sexual relationships work I made this kind of suggestions. What I found is that it seems not to be a viable alternative. The real thing or nothing apparently (to be clear - by "nothing" I mean no relationship). There are exceptions, but based on my experiences they are so rare that it's easier to look for an asexual partner right away.

 

(This is also why I've always gone berserk when someone said sexual people don't belong on this site. Many of the sexuals here go to great lengths to make relationships with their asexual partners work. That deserves great respect - I know from experience that it can't be taken for granted.)

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Kayze

Plenty of Aces can perform sexual acts or go with similar compromises. But not everyone can, as the lack of sexual attraction could also mean a lack of attraction towards the activity as a whole.

 

I mean, everyone can give a foot massage, but does everyone want to?

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Thea2
1 hour ago, timewarp said:

... This is also why I've always gone berserk when someone said sexual people don't belong on this site. Many of the sexuals here go to great lengths to make relationships with their asexual partners work. That deserves great respect ...

I totally agree. Plus, on this site, I learned a lot  from the sexuals, e.g. I kind of understand now what flirting is, and get less annoyed when I get flirted with (I had thought they were just harassing me).

 

The OP question as well is one that sexuals might have valuable insight on.

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Nowhere Girl
5 hours ago, Squirrel Combat said:

Now, I can really only speak from the perspective of a man, but what if instead of a guy sticking his penis into a woman he stuck a dildo or vibrator or something else similarly phallic that would produce the same pleasure? For ladies it could be a fleshlight.

Note that not all ace-allo couples are different-sex couples.

 

Now, to the idea... in principle it sounds interesting, also because it would let the asexual partner remain fully clothed. For aces who feel that their reluctance to have sex has a strong component of nudity aversion (like myself), it could allow overcoming a major barrier.

Another theoretic advantage is that in some cases it isn't even that far from "standard sex". Particularly in female-female pairings - well, the #1 lesbian sexual practice seems to be oral sex (cunnilingus), but dildo use is not uncommon too - so the only differences from typical lesbian penetrative sex would be that one side would always remain clothed and the other would always be the receiver. (Which sounds a little ironic when said by a  person who emphasises how the advantage of gay and lesbian sex is lack of a top-down, necessary, "natural" role division. But still I'm personally sex-averse, scared of that whole sex thing, so just... let others have passionate, Fully Equal sex, just don't mix me in that...)

But in practice? I feel that I would get overwhelmed by that. I'm theoretically not sex-repulsed or nudity-repulsed, I'm not disgusted by such stuff as long as it doesn't involve myself. But there's a difference between having fantasies, or even watching porn, and seeing sexual stuff up close. I certainly don't feel repulsed when seeing a naked person on the screen - but pratically speaking, being nudity-averse will also likely mean not often seeing other people naked. If I shut myself in single cubicles in changing rooms at swimming pools because I can't bear being seen naked, I also necessarily don't see other women changing clothes. Being nudity-averse and sex-averse also, with high likelihood, leads to having no sexual experience. "Suddenly" sitting next to a naked partner and trying to satisfy her with a dildo would feel too overwhelming.

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Skycaptain

It may work in a few cases, but there's a lot more to a sexual relationship than tactile genital stimulation. 

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To Each Their Own

Gross! Why did I read the OP?

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Squirrel Combat

Oh yeah, I'm aware there's more to relationships and such than what I covered here (I was in one briefly), but this is somewhat reassuring in that my options may not be so limited anymore 😁

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bare_trees

I have an aversion to penetration, so this doesn't sound anything like a solution in my case.  If I were ok with it, I would rather my partner penetrate me himself than use an object.  With the right person, I want to do sexual things (this is why I can't honestly call myself asexual), but under no circumstances do I want to be penetrated or penetrate the other person.

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FictoCannibal.
33 minutes ago, bare_trees said:

I have an aversion to penetration, so this doesn't sound anything like a solution in my case.  If I were ok with it, I would rather my partner penetrate me himself than use an object.  With the right person, I want to do sexual things (this is why I can't honestly call myself asexual), but under no circumstances do I want to be penetrated or penetrate the other person.

I'm exactly the same (other than penetrating the other person which I'm fine with). I have a condition called vestibulodynia which means vaj penetration of any kind is super painful for me. I am still definitely able to desire and enjoy other forms of sexual contact (just not involving my own genitals) with the 'right person' though, even though the 'right' person for me is something practically impossible to come across and it's often fictional characters I fall for which isn't really any use to me sexually Y_Y Hence why I've been physically celibate for 7 years now, haha. I don't ID as demisexual (even though I am completely unable to desire sexual intimacy or even find a man attractive unless I've developed an emotional connection to his personality) but I just wanted to say I totally get what you're saying about penetration. Definitely a no for me as well!

 

Fortunately for me (if I ever meet someone I like enough in person) there are all kinds of ways to have sex where no penetration is necessary :P 

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FictoCannibal.
6 hours ago, Squirrel Combat said:

Oh yeah, I'm aware there's more to relationships and such than what I covered here (I was in one briefly), but this is somewhat reassuring in that my options may not be so limited anymore 😁

Hah yes there are a million ways to have sex without having to involve penetration of each others/one of your genitals. You just need to be with someone who is fine with experimentation of other forms of sex. There are those who will ONLY want 'natural hetero penetration and maybe a bit of oral' but to be honest, I have no time for those kinds of people.. It's way funner experimenting with other ways to give and receive pleasure ^_^ 

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