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Collies

Im confused about who i am. Ive always been aware im slightly different. Never been a tactile person. Holding hands and cuddling just feels awakward to me. I dont think ive initiated sex more than a few times in my life

Sex has never been important to me. I get everything i need from an emotional connection

Its not like i actively dislike sex (i think), i just never want it, my body responds, but I never ‘lose myself’ in it, usually just thinking ‘hurry up and finish’

Ive been in love, ive cared deeply for people. Even someone who was almost physical perfection, but still - nothing

My ideal relationship is being in love with my best friend. And we would kiss and hug and hold hands, but thats it

Im trying to figure out who/what i am. 

I dont care if its not correct anymore, i WANT my label, i need to know where i belong

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MichaelTannock

@Collies When you say that you don't think you've initiated sex more than a few times in your life, can you say why you initiated at all?

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Maeve

I can relate, Collies. In fact, I'm betting everyone in this community has felt this way at some point or another. We've all gone through a period of time when we weren't 100% sure of our orientation - a discovery phase, if you will. Personally, I've spent so much of my life trying to force myself to enjoy sex because I thought it was a requirement of a "normal" healthy relationship that I'm not 100% sure if I'm gray, demi, or completely ace. I understand the desire to want a specific label that fits you because you want to belong. But I think it's perfectly okay to not know with 100% certainty exactly where you are on the asexuality spectrum. You belong in the ace community as long as you identify on this spectrum. And, by the way, what you identify as is not necessarily set in stone. You might feel that gray-ace best describes you at this time but later realize that demi is more accurate for you. That's totally okay and normal! Are you wanting a more specific term in order to come out to others? If so, maybe you can start the conversation by asking the person you're coming out to if they're familiar with the asexuality spectrum and go from there? For myself, I find it comforting just to know that I'm on the spectrum, though I'm still exploring where exactly on it I fit. Anyway, hope something herein has been helpful! 

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Collies
6 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

@Collies When you say that you don't think you've initiated sex more than a few times in your life, can you say why you initiated at all?

I dont remember specifically, but there will have almost certainly been alcohol

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Collies
6 hours ago, Maeve said:

I can relate, Collies. In fact, I'm betting everyone in this community has felt this way at some point or another. We've all gone through a period of time when we weren't 100% sure of our orientation - a discovery phase, if you will. Personally, I've spent so much of my life trying to force myself to enjoy sex because I thought it was a requirement of a "normal" healthy relationship that I'm not 100% sure if I'm gray, demi, or completely ace. I understand the desire to want a specific label that fits you because you want to belong. But I think it's perfectly okay to not know with 100% certainty exactly where you are on the asexuality spectrum. You belong in the ace community as long as you identify on this spectrum. And, by the way, what you identify as is not necessarily set in stone. You might feel that gray-ace best describes you at this time but later realize that demi is more accurate for you. That's totally okay and normal! Are you wanting a more specific term in order to come out to others? If so, maybe you can start the conversation by asking the person you're coming out to if they're familiar with the asexuality spectrum and go from there? For myself, I find it comforting just to know that I'm on the spectrum, though I'm still exploring where exactly on it I fit. Anyway, hope something herein has been helpful! 

There have been some big relationship upheavels in my life recently. My husband left with his secretary. I had just been diagnosed with endometriosis so had good reason not to want sex. 

Looking back tho, it was always an issue with us. I loved him, just didnt want to have sex with him. I knew it wasnt ‘normal’ and wud try to force myself. But now, its a comfort to know im not alone in feeling this way. Theres nothing wrong with me, its just who i am

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MichaelTannock
4 hours ago, Collies said:

I dont remember specifically, but there will have almost certainly been alcohol

Then it sounds like you may be plain old Asexual.

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Maeve
On 10/30/2018 at 4:03 AM, Collies said:

But now, its a comfort to know im not alone in feeling this way. Theres nothing wrong with me, its just who i am

YES! This is a beautiful realization :) 

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