Do you like being asexual?

[Katie15]

TBH, I have no idea. I can't disconnect it from my aspie type brain and general and social anxiety, so it's just yet another part of life that I cannot understand or relate to, and sometimes that feels sucky. But then I try and think about that gross stuff and my brain is just NONONO, so it's more just like, this is how it is. I hope that made some sense. 

[Fabula]

Well...I'd probably be more in trouble if I wasn't, that's for sure. You see, while I'm not trans as I have no issue being born female and thus I don't have the gender dysphoria that makes a trans individual trans, I'm grossed out by the organs I have and things like pregnancies. I don't want them, and if I could have it my way, I'd have them removed. However last time I checked, doctors tend to not allow that unless there's a severe medical condition like that or a more physical condition like cancer. Honestly, because of that fact, I'm more glad I have no desire for sexual interaction and don't feel any sexual attraction to anyone. Makes that fact a lot easier to deal with since I can just let those organs go unused.

[gymgirl]

Yes, I am very very happy to be asexual. Being also rather heavily sex repulsed anything else would be almost unbearable. I am not proud of it, however. It is not my own achievement, it is just how I am. And it is a private matter, I do not tell it around. What my wife and me do or rather do not is nobody elses concern.

[everywhere and nowhere]

28 minutes ago, Fabula said:

Well...I'd probably be more in trouble if I wasn't, that's for sure. You see, while I'm not trans as I have no issue being born female and thus I don't have the gender dysphoria that makes a trans individual trans, I'm grossed out by the organs I have and things like pregnancies. I don't want them, and if I could have it my way, I'd have them removed. However last time I checked, doctors tend to not allow that unless there's a severe medical condition like that or a more physical condition like cancer. Honestly, because of that fact, I'm more glad I have no desire for sexual interaction and don't feel any sexual attraction to anyone. Makes that fact a lot easier to deal with since I can just let those organs go unused.

I feel a bit similar. Well, I don't let any doctors or anyone else near my reproductive organs. But I am too severely tokophobic, I'd rather die than give birth to a baby. I've felt like this ever since I was five years old and read two little books explaining reproduction to children. If I was hetero- and -sexual, I would be absolutely terrified of such a possibility, I would probably use at least double protection such as condom + restrictively understood natural contraception ("restrictive" - it means just in case perceiving only a few days right before the period as safe). Btw, regardless of orientation and other reasons for taking it - I am one of women who probably should never use the pill, and I couldn't get it anyway because of my mortal terror at the thought of undergoing you know what kind of examination. But is a situation in which I could need the pill and be unable to get it possible? - I mean: it's all connected, I am effectively asexual because I'm sex-averse and I'm sex-averse because I just couldn't undress in anyone's presence. For me there's no difference between sexual nudity, medical nudity, casual nudity (for example locker room) and so on - all are terrifying, there are simply no situations in which my fear and distress with being naked in another person's presence could go away.

[Sage Raven Domino]

I like not having sexual desire. What I don't like are the causes of its absence because of the way they affect the other areas of my life 

[Naiwen]

Actually, realizing I’m asexual aromantic has helped with my identity crisis and many mental health issues I’m struggling with in life. So yeah I’ve accepted my whole self and life as I am and as it is. It’s the best way to find peace and set yourself free in my book.

[oldgeeza]

Being asexual is a part of who I am whether I like it or not, I accept that I'm asexual and get on with it

[Kimmie.]

I have mentioned this in a similar thread already but no i don´t really like that i am.

[Iam9man]

I like being me and I like telling people about this label I found that happens to describe my experience very well: asexual.

[ChaoticHetergenousMixture]

I was actually really glad to discover I was ace because I didn't want to end up in some absurd love triangle like the book heroines who become annoying when they start obsessing over a guy. I like not having to worry as much about what people think of me and not have so much pressure to be in a relationship.I don't have to worry about getting pregnant or having more life dominated by someone else or a stressful wedding party. I am so grateful for the existence of the LGBTQ community for showing me that there are so many more paths to happiness than the traditional heterosexual marriage. 

I generally don't tell people I'm ace; it seems like an unnecessary element of drama in most situations and I don't think anyone needs to know my sexuality. 

[Dawning]

On October 28, 2018 at 6:35 PM, hisforhenrietta said:

I'm thinking about starting to identify as asexual but it scares me. I came out as gay 8 years ago and I love being gay and I'm super proud of it. It's a different kind of fear - when I came out as gay I was scared of society not accepting me but now I'm scared of not finding a partner/being accepted by someone I date.

 

So: do you like that you are asexual? Are you proud to tell people?

Your fear, unfortunately, is realistic; there are some people who simply cannot bear the thought of their sexual partner not feeling attraction for them. It doesn't matter how sexually skillful you are, how much you care about them, how good you are to them, or what else you give them, they have to have that one specific thing. Worse, it's important to most people that their sexual partner enjoy having sex with them, so, even if you're one of the I think small % of asexuals who is capable of enjoying physical stimulation and orgasms even without attraction, your partner will almost certainly not believe that you're having enjoyment without attraction, and so be doubly devastated. There's nothing you can do about this, so all you can do is accept that there are some people who you will want to be with who will refuse to be with you for these reasons.

 

I think that overall I like being asexual, because people's sex drives seem to lead them to do stupid, and even potentially dangerous, things all too often, and having a big additional need/desire to try to handle in my hectic life does not appeal to me. It's not a perfect pool of liking, however, because I know that I'm missing out on what is considered one of the most powerful, beautiful, and of course pleasurable human experiences, and it's silly to be thrilled about missing out on something that great for your entire life. I do think that overall being asexual is better, but then again I've never experienced being sexual so I guess you have to take that with a grain of salt.

 

I reserve pride for successful achievements, not for things that I was born with and did nothing to earn or deserve, so no, I'm not "proud" to either be asexual or to tell people that I'm asexual.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I not just accept myself. I positively love being ace!

It's kept me on the sidelines as I watch all the stuff going on. Things that can't affect my life because I'm ace. The only trouble I ever had was when I was in relationships and thankfully only 9 years of my life. 

The rest? Bliss.

[Custard Cream]

I've experienced sexual attraction three times in 50 years so I know how it feels. It scared me half to death. I felt like a possessive monster, so yeah, I'm perfectly happy as I am. 

[KuraTheChibiSleepingBeauty]

The best word that comes to my mind is 'relieved'. I wouldn't have it any other way, never ever. 

[GloryBax]

Do I like being ace? Yes... To some extent. I liked being ace more before I started coming out to my family. My friends were understanding. My family... To this day, the only one that isn't really borderline aphobic is my sister. I avoid bringing up my asexuality around my mum because she honestly and truly believes that I will find someone who will "awaken my sexual attraction" and it's. Disheartening. 

 

I much preferred only being out to my friends, my sister, and having it on my online profiles. I was more confident in it, and didn't feel broken.

 

When I first realised that I was, in fact, ace, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. There's a word for it!! (Actually it wasn't quite like that, it was a gradual "pretty sure i'm demi." *is romantically attracted to someone with no sexual feelings to be found* "ok so looks like i'm ace, then!") And more people feel this way!! I'm not alone!!

 

... Then of course, sex is such a big part of society as it stands, that I feel like my life would be so much easier if I wasn't ace. If I wasn't sex-repulsed. (It would've made things easier between me and an old RP partner, lemme tell you.)

 

Despite everything though, I wear my asexual lable with pride, because it is a part of who I am and no one can change it. Plus I'm very spitefully prideful, I just dial the pride up to 13 when I've encountered aphobia. 

 

I do enjoy being ace overall, though.

[andreas1033]

Yep, i do like being asexual.

 

I will always be glad about it.

[Katiie]

I'll like it more when I meet somebody. Right now it feels like it excludes me from the whole romance, dating, and falling in love world that I want to be a part of. I know that's a bit cringey, but really, most people aren't asexual and I can get along with someone incredibly, only to know it'll never work because I don't want to sleep with them, ever. (Unless you count spooning but that's not going to satisfy Sexual McSexualface.)

 

Given the choice I'd probably be more "normal", which is why I'm still kind of in denial about it all. But, if I meet that awesome girl where I don't feel I have to force myself to be something I'm not, I'm sure I'll end up loving it.

Edited March 5, 2019 by Katiie

[Aquaal]

I'm sex-neutral and asexual. What this means is that even though I'm asexual, if someone offered me sex I probably wouldn't turn it down. Maybe.

 

I guess it was relieving when I concluded that I was asexual. I was a bit happy to know that I wouldn't feel desperate to get into a relationship like some of these guys are but that I still wouldn't turn one down. It's really the best.

[acematt]

Being asexual sure makes life a lot simpler and easier. Think of it that way. Nothing dragging you around and controlling you like lots of regular sexual people have a problem with. I'm not a relationship person so I can take them or leave them. Allows you to focus on more important and meaningful things in life like hobbies, work. travel, entertainment, etc. Be proud and comfortable being an Ace. Wear it like a badge of honor. You're truly blessed. 

[Bruce Wayne]

I like being ace. I can't imagine being anybody else.  When I was younger, I even thought that most people in the world felt like I did.  I take being who I am as a gift from the natural world. That's my view of it.

[nerdography]

I like being ace. Since I have no desire for sex I can avoid a lot of the issues also people have.

[Guest iwanttolearn]

I love it.

[Firefly8]

I don't know any different, so it's difficult to say. "I'm just me which is fine, and forget them if they just don't want to understand" is what I know, but sometimes I feel "I'm abnormal, few understand, and I must be missing out." Then I step back and look at it rationally and realize there are pros and cons either way and being who I am is what's best for me. I think having more ace/aro representation and acceptance would help my "pride" a lot. 

[Philip027]

Yes.  Being sexual seems... distracting, to say the least.  It isn't just me that feels that way either; a handful of sexual people have indicated to me they felt likewise after realizing I was not like them.

[erf]

Can't really say I "like" it, I just don't care.

[Tereza]

Hello! 

I'm entirely new to this page, but let me tell you, I really like being asexual. I identify myself as an asexual aromantic and I feel as if most problems my peers are struggling with don't even touch me, regarding romantic relationships of course. Most peoply rely on someone else to be happy and to not feel lonely and I think that's sad... I'm content with being alone, I'm not lonely, I don't get all the hype about sex and you know what, it's ok. I'm not ashamed. I don't have a problem with admitting I'm asexual to someone, but most of the time it's a waste of time. My most important friends all know and they don't mind, though we don't really discuss it. I never really told my parents, but hey, I'm almost 26,still a virgin, not interested in anyone and content with my life, so I think they know I'm not "normal". And I don't think they care. 

So to all ace people out there, I wish you the best and may you be happy and proud about who you are! 

P. S. Sorry about my English, it's still quite poor 🙈

[nineGardens]

Honestly....

Allosexuals I talk to seem to have regular drama, and hurt and stuff, and its a pain in the ass for them... but they can all relate to one another, so even if its this big pain in the ass THING, they are all in it togeather, and I feel less equipped to watch out for them, and also less supported when they try to look out for me.

That sucks. Maybe not as much as the drama they go through, but it still sucks.

 

That and... my personality is somewhat tilted towards wanting to nurture people. I like kids. I LIKE the idea of taking care of a house, and having someone come home to it, and so... there's all these other parts of life that seem to use sexuality as a springboard of sorts, and it feels like, that springboard is just... missing. Which hurts.

 

 

That said, how do I feel about the label? The Ace Community? Yeah, its pretty rad having other people who have similar enough experiences and make me feel like less of a space alien.

[Firefly8]

Welcome @Tereza ! 
 

[S---y]

I love being asexual!

 

I mean, I'm demisexual maybe, and at least a little fluid, so I have some experiences by which I can compare what it feels like to be asexual and what it feels like to be sexual, and for me, I feel way better when I'm in asexual mode.

 

Being asexual, I can still care for people and nurture them and be their friends, and in fact it's even easier without sexuality to get in the way. I can also focus on pursuing purpose and personal goals. And, I just plain feel fantastic! Life is invigorating.

 

On the other hand, it's when my friends I'm trying to care for become attracted to me that things all fall apart. As the hunger overtakes them, they can no longer see me clearly, they no longer are really listening to what I'm saying, they are just imagining me as the fulfilment of their fantasy. At that point, they leave me alone to fade off into their romantic fantasy. I can handle them leaving me alone outside of their fantasy, but it's a pity to see them alone inside of it, and it hurts when they finally believe what I've been telling them all along, that I don't love them like that, and then their fantasy comes crashing down around them along with their broken heart. (Though if I were a sexual, I'd just go into my own fantasy while they're in theirs, and we'd both be alone without ever realising it.)

 

As for how I feel when I am sexual, maybe it's just me, but, sexuality and depression tend to go hand in hand. I don't know if the sexuality causes the depression or if depression causes the sexuality, but if I am experiencing something that might be interpreted as "sexual attraction" then it's a pretty sure sign I'm depressed. I know this has been observed for others as well. Such as, patients who are locked up and stuck in dead end lives tend to be depressed and have abnormally high libidos. (This is part of why Freud was so obsessed with sex compared to other psychoanalysts, because he developed his theories by observing sick people, not healthy ones, and so was observing people with abnormally high libidos.)

 

Experiencing sexuality sometimes from within and sometimes from without, I believe that sex is not a pleasure, but a suppression of all other pleasures. It is a numbness and forgetting of all the things we'd rather be doing, so that by comparison, sex feels like the best thing in the world at that time. Probably why people high on sexuality act so stupid. And that is only one of the many reasons that I deem sex to be a sham anyway, and am glad when I'm asexual.

 

So, yeah, I could go on, but suffice it to say, I love being an asexual!

[iridium137]

Definitely. I don't have to worry about doing dumb things trying to chase sex. I don't have to worry about STDs and unwanted pregnancies. But those are pretty trivial advantages. What I think is a bigger advantage is being aromantic. I don't feel the need to invest time, energy, and money into a relationship that may or may not work out. I have the freedom to do whatever I want and I don't need anybody's permission. I can stay up till 3 am playing video games and it affects nobody else. Nor do I have to worry about being disturbed by somebody else's staying up till 3 am. I already have enough trouble falling asleep, so it'd be nice if my tossing and turning didn't affect anybody else. I also don't want my sleep quality to be further worsened by somebody else's tossing and turning (or even worse, snoring). I keep hearing about the constant fighting, drama, neediness, jealousy, abuse, heartbreak, etc that plagues other people's relationships, and am relieved that it's not happening to me. The lack of needing somebody else in my life makes my life so much easier, more peaceful, and less stressful. I have the freedom to live my life on my own terms. My goals and desires aren't already chosen for me by a strong biological need. And most importantly, I don't need to rely on somebody else to validate my worth as a person.