hisforhenrietta Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I'm thinking about starting to identify as asexual but it scares me. I came out as gay 8 years ago and I love being gay and I'm super proud of it. It's a different kind of fear - when I came out as gay I was scared of society not accepting me but now I'm scared of not finding a partner/being accepted by someone I date. So: do you like that you are asexual? Are you proud to tell people? 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ess-Kat Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Hey, I do like being asexual. It something I feel personally make me who I am. I haven't told anyone I am asexual and that idea does scare me quite a-bit. I do share the same fear as you, but I don't really think about that too often, at least for me right now I happy being with myself. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 At first I didn't know how I felt about it, but then I recognized that it's been part of my identity all along and I decided to embrace it. Now that I'm certain I am aromantic asexual, I feel like it really suits my personality and everything. I'm an incredibly unique individual and I honestly can't even picture myself with anyone. I don't tell people unless I really want to and don't anticipate them reacting negatively. There isn't much of a point in telling people to me, personally. People don't really need to know that much about anyone else. I'm not romantic but I recognize that it can be difficult for romantic asexuals to find/keep partners from the millions of threads I have read. I would say just try to learn to be content on your own just in case you don't find a good match, just so you don't spend the rest of your life feeling miserable about being alone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MollyDMA Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I'm proud, but also I'm not in the same situation as you. I also identify and aro and I worry less about people not accepting me and more about people not believing me. I've had a few people (guys) say that they can change my mind and a few 'tried'. Other than that I do take pride in who/what I am. Just watch out for those who doubt you and ask to change your mind 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Honestly, it’s a win-loss. I love that I’m unique and I don’t have the struggles straight people in the dating game tend to have. I love our culture and being able to relate to the level of LGBT+. I hate being invisible and unrelatable to most of my friends. I feel alone not having any asexual friends. I want to date too but I wouldn’t ever date someone who’s not asexual. Even though I’ve been pretty decent at making friends, I feel like I would have a lot more if I was straight. Just about every song that comes on the radio is a love song relating to the straight experience. Where are the songs about my experience that I can relate to? Then even though I feel this way, I still have the fear of being a late bloomer. It’s too late in my life for me to actually want to have the sexual/regular romantic attraction experience. If I was gonna have it, I would like to have had it about 3-5 years ago when my peers were having their new experiences. For me to morph into this all of a sudden would take a drastic toll on my life and make me seriously think about the several years I missed out on this experience my friends had. I don’t want that to happen. I’ve also dedicated a huge part of my life to being “normal” although I knew from the beginning of middle school I wasn’t going to date. Upon accepting this asexual label, I’ve pushed myself far into queer territory and it’s honestly giving me anxiety when it comes to my straight friends. I don’t know, my life is complicated and I want to move far away from where I am so I can just start my life over 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I very much do, it's less to worry about and makes things easier for me (being aro and mecha-). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I guess it un-complicates things and I don’t have to worry about spending my money on anyone 🤔. I’m not sure if I’m ecstatic about it per se but it’s more like I don’t see how it could have turned out any other way. This is hand I was dealt, no use being unhappy with my likely orientation cause there’s enough worries in life as it is. Overall, I think it has been a positive for me, cause asexuality really has allowed me to focus on own desires. No need to assess self-worth based on if girls like you, no more grandstanding to impress people, and no need to plan on having a family in X years or whatever. Besides, with my attitude and pickiness, I’d suck at romance anyways. Imagine dealing with my facetious, sardonic remarks all the time. 🙃 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I don't like or dislike it. It's not an accomplishment or something I worked towards. It's just a fact. I don't tell people about it. Seems like an odd thing to bring up out of the blue but I won't lie about it if asked. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hisforhenrietta Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 Thanks for your replies... it's good to hear that people are having positive (or at least not terrible) experiences down the track. I've been super happy being single this year - not in an aro sense just that I have been enjoying my freedom, partying a lot and making a lot of new friends (not feeling some kind of obligation to have sex has been cool too), but I've recently started dating someone and it's a nice feeling too. Thankfully I have never wanted to have children so not having a family has never been a worry for me :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Coily the Spring Sprite Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Don't know if I like it any more than I like being left handed or that when I had hair it naturally parted on the right. It just is. I tend to be fairly private so I don't really talk about it with others mostly because it doesn't come up. The one thing I like about it is that I'm not out trying to find my next conquest. I don't need someone else to 'complete' me. I take solo road trips and can enjoy them and not wish I had someone with me. I'm not interested in dating but am always looking for a new friend. Hopefully this makes sense, I have had a beer or two. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strifed Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I like it since it is part of who I am! I have always loved my independence and the freedom to do things, so it doesn't bother me to not date. I love having friends around sometimes and doing things from time to time with them, though I also just love doing things on my own. Even though I say all of this, I have never come out and fully told anyone I was asexual (at least not IRL...). I just say "thanks, but no thanks" to dates when I get asked out. If someone asked me why I'm not dating I just say I'm not interested at the moment and I have other things on my mind. I never really thought to tell anyone I was specifically asexual, because it is honest that I'm not interested at all in dating. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Beat Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Yes. It's allowed me to find out and understand a lot of things about me. I never had thoughts of being broken since I've kind of always been the odd one out, but it's awesome to know that there are other people like me and that there are people who also tend to value friendship and platonic love way more than my society says it's okay to. The past two years have been full of self discovery, a major discovery being this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I would say yes. In and of itself it's just kind of innocuous, but learning the term and finding this community has helped me better understand myself, beyond my lack of interest in sex itself. I've also learned about various types of attraction, as well as gender identity, which has helped me further sort out my feelings. As for telling people, I'm sort of out. I mostly keep it to myself, but if it comes up, I'm open. I don't have much fear of a partner not accepting it, though that fear is kind of there, at least hypothetically. However, I don't usually have much drive to date or be in a relationship (I rarely get "lonely" in that sense), and I haven't had a crush in like 6 years. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Sadmoose Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I'm proud to tell people if they ask. I find that I struggle more with internal hate rather than society hate (which is completely my own fault and not every asexual will experience it) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tunes Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I like it a lot! I mean, like others have said, it is a part of who I am - whether I decide to use the term or not. So why not embrace it and be proud of it? It's who I am! And I have an ace partner. Neither one of use knew what asexuality was when we met (but she accepted how she was without a term, and I was the asshole who assumed that it was just because I was immature, went out of my way to pretend I was totally into sex, and talked down to said friend telling her that she was also just immature and would grow into it... I am somewhat ashamed of my past self for this, but I didn't know any better and I did learn, so I forgive). But I figure I must be outside of the statistical norm in order to have found another ace partner so naturally and easily, but if it can happen that easily for *anyone* then it can't be that impossible on a normal basis. :shrug: As for telling people, I love to tell people! I mean, sure - it can really hurt when it's people that you want to back you up. I guess I don't have many people in my life that are worth having a relationship (of any kind) with, so I didn't really care too much what most of them thought. My sister's comments hurt, but it was all a big misunderstanding, and she totally gets it now. She still denies that asexuals have any reason to struggle in society or even really set themselves apart, but she accepts it as a thing and understands what it means, so good enough. Can't win them all. 😕 But as far as people that I don't know well, I love telling people about it - because if I run into someone who doesn't know what it is or doesn't understand it, I get to tell them! And I like knowing that I am helping asexual visibility. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
charlieschmitt Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I'm fine with being ace, no particular likes or dislikes about it, but I generally don't bring it up. It's pretty uncomfortable, even when the conversation strays that way. I do feel obligated, however, to tell people about it when they express interest in me. Feels almost like I need a reason to properly reject them and don't want them to feel bad. As for this: 10 minutes ago, Tunes said: She still denies that asexuals have any reason to struggle in society or even really set themselves apart Maybe it takes asexuals to see that the world is so much sexualised that regular people don't even notice it. It's those moments when people are talking about their sexuality and your lack of it just stares at you right in your face, as you try to move out of the conversation and not get noticed, hoping that someone doesn't ask you about it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tunes Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 4 minutes ago, charlieschmitt said: hoping that someone doesn't ask you about it. I actually hope that they do ask about it (most days). I like feeling like an activist. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stralen Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I like it more than I dislike it. I'm very fortunate that I've always known; I can't help but wonder if that wasn't the case, I'd have been so confused and possibly felt the pressure to be sexual or worse, coerced into it. Because of this, I consider it part of who I am-- and almost always chosen to be truthful about it when asked on "where" I fall on. I also have very little time for myself as it is... I can't imagine having to allocate some time for a significant other. Oh and less distraction too lol! Now for the dislike... I don't disclose that I'm ace when I feel some sense of threat. Some people can be so close- minded and terrible... I've had people being dismissive and laugh at me, even gone as far to suggest that I need "some"... I've also been sexually harassed about it, after it was made known. This kind of thing undeniably has hurt me a lot and sometimes make me wish that I'm not ace. Besides also feeling left out, because I can't relate when friends speak about their sexual attraction to whoever. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Koalanite Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I've known that I'm asexual for about 4 years now and I've only really 100% started to be happy about it in the past year or so. Accepting myself was a long process and I used to not want to be ace but now I don't think I'd want to be allosexual! I was in a relationship when I discovered I was ace so that definitely made me less afraid of not finding a partner and everything. We broke up a year ago and I suddenly became very scared of being alone forever. But since then I've actually started questioning my romantic orientation too and I've realized that all I really want is to be happy in life! I adore my friends and I really love animals and that's all I'd personally need to be happy. Of course that isn't the case for everyone, and I'm sure you'll find a partner someday who will accept your asexuality! Sadly we can't see into the future and perfectly plan out our lives so try to just live in the moment and focus on the things that make you happy! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fantastic Name Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I'm neutral. There are some aspects of it I like and others that I dislike. Being asexual lets me focus on the things in my life that actually do matter, which is nice. I also really love being a part of the ace community. However, it's hard sometimes living in a world where almost everyone is obsessed with the one thing you couldn't care less about. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Overall, I'm pretty okay with it. It has some downsides, but I'm also not too fussed over finding someone to date so I don't have that struggle to contend with. I imagine I'd have stronger feelings in some respects if I were looking for a partner. For me though, it's just a part of who I am, the same way loving books and being short is. I can't dislike it because without it, I wouldn't be myself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Memphis Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I'm pretty neutral about it. In fact, you could say that I don't lean either way. *Rim shot* I'm comfortable with tasteful jokes, and I'm becoming more comfortable with coming out to people. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I'm really glad that I don't feel compelled to have romantic and sexual drama in my life. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strange But Not a Stranger Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Yes, I do. At least since the puzzle has been solved, so to speak. Now I can just live my life, and be me and me alone. That's something I really, really like. 😊 I don't mention it to people though (except to the few who know), but I would not lie about it if anyone asked. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Dryad Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Hmm, I'm neutral, it's just the way I happen to be, no big deal. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarvaa Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Great to hear most of you are either neutral or fine with being Ace, that does give me some hope. I, myself, in my current situation of accepting it and figuring out how that's going to affect my marriage, am truly frightened, with a large unhealthy added dollop of self-loathing, but I can't deny it any longer. I'm Ace and we're going to have to deal with that, painful as it may get at times. So, no, I don't like it, but I'm hear to learn. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 @hisforhenrietta I honestly don't know how I feel about being Asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I absolutely do. I'm sex-averse, so the idea of being able to desire sex just feels distressing to me. I don't want it, so I have no problem with living without it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
xeraphax Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Once I worked it out, it took the pressure of me. I always thought there was something wrong with me not having much interest in sex. Now I know it's just who I am. In my observations, sex leads to lots of unhappy relationships. If you can have one without that interfering, you'll have a much happier time of it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Yes. I don't have to worry about another person and their needs. No pregnancy scares. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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